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Thread: #60 - Spanky_Ham

  1. #1
    Little bit. Plow King's Avatar
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    Default #60 - Spanky_Ham

    Spanky_Ham everyone. Enjoy..



    1/ Who/what are you?

    Well, there's two of us here, on this end of the intermewebs... me, the
    meat sock. Im a flabby white nerdy nerd nerd, who excels at nerdy stuff,
    loves computers and technology, works in a Biotechnology research
    lab...My head also has a, well, squatter -> spanky_ham - my lycra loving
    alternative psychotic foul mouthed bacon flavored doughnut/chico roll
    powered personality... who likes to ride bikes... since spanky cant
    type, or apparently clean up after himself... you'll tend to find me not
    too far away, just out of range of the fecal flinging...

    2/ I've heard from sources that you actually ride bikes? Is this true?

    Me Ride? Ahh, sh*t no... seems to sweaty, dirty, smelly, lack of
    computers, and nerdy stuff- but it's a perfect pig environment..., and
    spanky loves to ride... its like pig heroin. Unfortunately for spanky, I
    have to work in the shitty city and live in the boondogs, so, currently
    spanky's riding time is being reduced severely.. leading to unhappy pig.
    Hopefully, there will be another period of riding to work soon...not
    good, but better than nothing.. Keeps spanky riding! Spanky can't jump,
    go uphills, go downhills, round corners, ride on dirt, on tarmac,
    basically just remains upright some of the time...

    3/ What bikes do you have?

    Spanky's main bike is the Yeti 575, there's a 1996 heckler that's half
    way back together, early 2000-ish bighit, and a Giant ATX something
    something something that's got the spin rims - that lives on the lounge
    room trainer (thanks again toxic!) for late night bordem... I caught
    spanky raiding the chico roll change bowl.. apparently he now wants me
    to get the heckler back for him asap.

    4/ What was your most memorable ride?

    Some of the Blue Mountains Psycho Night rides were just awesome, cussing
    at BM_Epic and Moggio... Dark as the inside of a pig Yellowmundee runs
    with just Toxic and spanky was gold... have done wicked oaks at night,
    ... any ride is awesome... riding to the chico roll dealer to get on...
    spanky did just put a dent in the wall after trying to get off the track
    bike... that was pretty memorable!! A couple of runs of a track in
    Rotorua called Gunna Gotta will never be erased from spanky's memory

    5/ What is something about you that few people know?

    Spanky's having trouble seeing the positives for this... but we've
    started the enrollment process to go back to uni next year..... to do
    Secondary Education, you know.. high school teacher... Have you ever had
    a more compulsive argument to keep your kids at home and home school the
    little turds??

    I'm trying to sell it to spanky based on the shorter days, long
    holidays... he's looking through the law books...anyone know about the
    legality of tasers/mace in the class room? So far... the pigs not buying it.



    6/ What does your boss think of Mountain bikes?

    Im very lucky, my current boss is fully supportive of mountain biking...
    and when spanky's allowed to ride to work, the bike is allowed to live
    in the lab... which is pretty cool. Come to think of it... last few jobs
    have been really bike friendly... every job we've had for the last...
    what >7 years has been very bike friendly. The lab looks out onto the
    bike rack, so spanky also keeps an eye on the rack for others... f*cking
    bike thieves.

    7/ What does your boss think of Dissociative identity disorders?
    (Multiple personalities)


    Spanky and my boss go drinking, so, Mr Boss Man is totally cool with
    it... women on the other hand are apparently scared to meet spanky...
    cant work that one out. Spanky would also like to point out he fully
    supports Beyondblue (small plug) for helping out people with mental
    issues... something society really needs to start accepting... no one
    asks for cancer, and no one asks to be schizophrenic or have mental
    issues. Next time you see someone acting well, left of centre, don't
    point and laugh and call them a spaz.. spanky can move his flabby arse
    quicker than you'd expect.

    8/ Last time you got approached by the police?

    Well, first it was the nicest dog... Awwww, he had such big sooky
    eyes... and then spanky points out the fact the dog was attached to a
    cabal of po-leece sheeple... sh*t... A Chico Roll Sniffer Dog??? No,
    apparently it was a 'Controlled substance' dog... we have no idea why
    the dog liked us, maybe it could just smell the bacon.


    9/ The last time someone yelled at you?

    Not many people speak to spanky, little own yell at him... but he did
    overtake a really old man in one of those electric cart thingos.. being
    nice, spanky said "Alright mate?" as he went past on the footpath - the
    old guy really lit up and gave spanky a complete serve! Spanky slowed
    down for a few seconds to see if the old guy would calm down. No! Now
    spanky thinks -> Old people are cool...


    10/ What are you on and where can we buy it?

    Homebrew beer, current batch aint too good, only 40 more bottles to
    empty.... new batch down now. Everyone should try brewing beer. So much
    fun. Then you drink it.. so much drunk.



    11/ Highest speed you've reached in a car?

    160km/h on a Dutch autobahn, in a VW golf with 6 people in it... been
    much much faster on motorcycles... much faster... have just given up the
    motorcycles...and sold it to buy spanky another pushbike...

    12/ Your worst alcohol related experience?

    As a piglet, got into a litre bottle of Malibu rum, a bottle of midori,
    and a box of cigars... still to this day, the smell of coconut oil, an
    over ripe watermellon or a filthy cheap cuban can get the dry retched
    going..almost 20 years later. So kiddies... choose the alcohol you don't
    like to get drunk on...

    Almost everytime we go drinking... so many times spent in gardens
    sleeping it off till the trains start running again the next morning..
    or in a karaoke bar... love those 3am karaoke spells. Working in a
    university means there's usually drinks at work, work desk has half a
    bottle of chivas regal on it... and a tank of crayfish.... and lots of
    toys.... yeah.. work.

    13/ If you could travel to anywhere on earth where would you go?

    Spanky so wants to go to south america... Oh god that place looks the
    sh*t... they know how to eat, party, party, and eat.. The Mardi Gra over
    there - :) looks good. Scotland (again, if they'll let spanky back
    in)... Tasmania, never been there...

    14/ Who will win the world champs at Stromlo?

    Spanky really would love for Sam Hill to win it... but with all that
    peddling at Stromlo.. ummm, no. probably Minaar or steve peat

    15/ Will you be at the world champs?

    ????????? Not sure yet... will have to leave that decision till the last
    minute unfortunately... it really does depend on work.

    16/ The best prank you've ever pulled?

    Not sure if it's spankys best.. but there's currently a student who
    cannot understand how both their index fingers are turning bright
    blue... Spankys gone through a box of gloves and put a fairly colourless
    powder that turns royal blue when it comes in contact with moisture in
    the tip of the index finger...Oh, and it stains protein.. like, say...
    finger nails. Spanky doesnt wear that size gloves... HA!

    That'll do pig, That'll do.
    Attached Images Attached Images

  2. #2
    Senior Member Fatman's Avatar
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    The swine revealed, great stuff.
    Rides :GT Outpost,GT Timberline,GT Zaskar LE,GT RTS2,GT Timberline FS,GT Zaskar LE,GT Pantera,GT LTS4000,GT Timberline,GT Zaskar LE,Cannondale F1000,GT XCR4000,01 GT Zaskar Team,GT DHi,GT Ruckus 2.0,Ellsworth Moment,Revenge Industries Booze Cruz,Cannondale Six13,GT Zaskar Re-Issue, Yeti ASR. Turner Flux.

    Disclaimer: Please take into account I may have heavily imbibed before posting, as usual.
    1702 Different recorded beers and counting.
    http://www.kobie.com.au/

  3. #3
    Breaker of the unbreakable
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    If only RB had more members like Spanky... :D
    Stop reading this and go ride your bike!

  4. #4
    Banned |Matt|'s Avatar
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    Best MTF so far. Spanky = one of the main reasons I remain on Farkin (I do not ride anymore), his posts make me lol.

  5. #5
    I'll tells ya! johnny's Avatar
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    I can't read this as I'm half Jewish and half Muslim.

    My eyes would go to hell.
    Successful trades: Nick Z, Rhyno, Naz, RCOH, Parallax, Carlin, Stylinruss, Cave Dweller, Inverted, Teamshore03, Stooge, I-AM-TEH-FASTEST-11, Benana, -Davo, Grover, Drop in Drew, cleeshoy, Bevsta, Daver.
    Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground. Silly monkeys given thumbs they make a club and beat their brother down.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Kane.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Plow King View Post
    8/ Last time you got approached by the police?
    Question 8 was great, good read.

  7. #7
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    Good read Plow and Ham.

    We thank you for donating your time and body to the MTF experiments, Mr. Ham.

  8. #8
    Breezeway Bandit J@se's Avatar
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    Funniest Farker by a long way.

    I keep my eye out for someone in the quad wearing a Farkin t-shirt with a VB box on their head, but alas no sighting to report as yet.
    Last edited by J@se; 26-07-2009 at 10:04 AM.
    I've got nothing to lose but my apathy...

  9. #9
    Senior Member elliotdhmcgeary's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Plow King View Post



    It's just as i imagined spanky would be!

    Quote Originally Posted by Plow King View Post
    16/ The best prank you've ever pulled?
    .
    Love it!



    One of the best so far, good read! :)
    Last edited by elliotdhmcgeary; 26-07-2009 at 03:30 PM.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Nerf Herder's Avatar
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    That first oaks night mission was very memorable ... except for the section I was behind you ... Lesson for the young'un ... don't follow Spanky too close ... the Gaseous emissions are a little too free flowing.

    The other distracting thing is all the bloody yelling and swearing ... add Toxic into the mix and its just mayhem. :D

    Always fun riding with the BM fellas

    Can you let us know what School you eventually teach at (presuming it all goes to plan) ... we'll keep an eye on the news for the court case :p
    NSWMTB
    BMORC
    - Blue Mountain Off Road Cyclists - Legal and Sustainable Trails www.bmorc.com

    Pushie
    Enterprises:
    Find them on Facebook / PushieEnterprises and http://pushie.com.au/

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