Women, etc.

[Ziggy]

Women do this when they break up with you. It's this mechanism they subconsciously employ because they aren't used to the lack of attention from their ex-boyfriends. I had it done, non-stop, for like 12 months, and eventually I learned that revenge is a dish best served cold. You might want her back, but no matter how hard she tries to get your attention you've got to be emotionless toward her...she'll freak twice as hard, and you'll get some dignity back.

As you said, all you can hope for right now is that she goes through complete hell without you...trust me when I say that she is. You don't come out of a two-year relationship feeling no remorse or sadness, which is also why she may have turned to this other guy...to try replicate something you two had. Small comfort, I know, but it's most probably true.

I have to ask though, and this is simply for my personal interest because I remember going through identical experiences in the weeks and months after my long-term relationship break-up...why do you think you'd take her back in a heartbeat? Really think about this, and it may help clear things up in your head. Is it something the does or says, or the way she looks at you? Or just her general aura? Or something else altogether?

As i've said before, let yourself grieve, and then learn and grow from this shit...you'll be so much better off for it.

We had a certain connection. I saw things in her that i could see lasting a life time. Things we could learn off of eachother. You could say in some aspects she was my complete opposite but it worked like that (well did...). There was no doubt in my mind that she was the one and i know it seems far fetched, especially at 18 to say that but i did have a realistic view on it and i wasn't going to propose to her anytime yet or in the near future. I just thought she was...Now that i think of what we could of had it infuriates me more and all the memories can do is drag me down further.

Im just sick to death of her telling me she still loves me but removing me from her life and telling me she doesn't want to be in a relationship. I hold those 3 words in high regards and they seem to mean alot more to me than other people (especially her it seems..). She'll just throw those words around at me as if it were almost nothing as if she hadn't even though of what she was saying. You know like get f^&*ed.

I've never in my life seen such a selfish act or met such a selfish person.

 

[S.]

We had a certain connection. I saw things in her that i could see lasting a life time. Things we could learn off of eachother. You could say in some aspects she was my complete opposite but it worked like that (well did...). There was no doubt in my mind that she was the one and i know it seems far fetched, especially at 18 to say that but i did have a realistic view on it and i wasn't going to propose to her anytime yet or in the near future. I just thought she was...Now that i think of what we could of had it infuriates me more and all the memories can do is drag me down further.

Im just sick to death of her telling me she still loves me but removing me from her life and telling me she doesn't want to be in a relationship. I hold those 3 words in high regards and they seem to mean alot more to me than other people (especially her it seems..). She'll just throw those words around at me as if it were almost nothing as if she hadn't even though of what she was saying. You know like get f^&*ed.

I've never in my life seen such a selfish act or met such a selfish person.

Cut her off entirely. Talking to her at all just gives you false hope that you might reunite - which would probably be a bad thing in the long term anyway - and makes you feel worse for longer. Delete her from facebook, delete her number from your phone, delete all the messages/call records between you two, get rid of any easy, convenient means of contacting her. I don't doubt that you guys had a deep connection but unfortunately Tristan is right - now is the time to cut your losses and give yourself some time to recover. Don't try to get back at her, it'll just make you think less of yourself on a deeper level.

Just cut her off, put one foot in front of the other and walk away. Yes it's going to suck for a while, you're going to feel like absolute shit from time to time, now and then you'll get spontaneous memories of her and have this sick feeling in your gut, and so forth. But at this point, that's unavoidable, all you can do is make it as easy on yourself as possible.

 

[Regan of Gong]

S. speaks truth. An ex-girly of mine did this once she broke up with me (for the second time). Sucked for a bit, but in the end it was damn good thing she did for me.

 

[Matt H]

Thoughts on double dates? The plan is me + mate + girl of interest + asking her to bring a friend. Figured it would be a more casual/social approach...

 

[leitch]

Can be great and can be a dismal failure. If the friend and your mate don't get along then you'll be talking to him all night while your girl talks to her friend. Failure. Stick to one-on-one dates or going to gigs etc until you two know each other well enough to sit in silence without freaking out.

 

[jacko13]

She's absolutely terrified she'll come home to find me gone (by which i don't just mean other girls, I've had a lot of trouble with depression in the past) and it's killing her.

be happy, worked for someone i know, he was seriously depressed for a long time and suicidal. its positive thoughts and know that things will get better if you let them.

its all about how we experience/perceive whats happening to us and around us.

sorry for the late post everyone.

and to the people who have said "i would never expect that from you" im not superised you said that, cos my mate 'appeared' to be one real happy guy.

 

[DWNHLR01]

Couldn't be better. And the fact she has become a nympho lately is very welcome.

Although she has taken up smoking so I'm going to put my foot down. Oh and she kicks my arse in Ricky Ponting cricket. So shits gotta change.

 

[tupper]

until you two know each other well enough to sit in silence without freaking out.

Silence is Golden sometimes. Stops the girl yapping on about your flaws.

 

[Regan of Gong]

Thoughts on double dates? The plan is me + mate + girl of interest + asking her to bring a friend. Figured it would be a more casual/social approach...

Go it alone with her- just make sure you have heaps of points of interest/conversation banked up if it gets a little silent.

I went to lunch down the harbour with a girl yesterday, just the two of us. Went awesome, talked about lots of stuff- she just got back from schoolies, she wanted to know how uni works etc. I didn't consider it a date, as we each paid for ourselves, but it sets the door open for future- she's possibly heading out to town on Thursday with me and a few friends, so see how it goes with a little beer.

Also, keep it shortish- long and drawn out equals awkward.

 

[Ivan]

Thoughts on double dates? The plan is me + mate + girl of interest + asking her to bring a friend. Figured it would be a more casual/social approach...

I have had this turn out bad. The girl of interest is aware of your interest in her, so she feels more comfortable talking to your mate rather than the pressure associated (percieved or not) with talking to you. They get along well, because they are both trying to make a semi awkward situation (most dates are) more relaxed, and you end up wondering why you showed up in the first place.

The double date only works if the girl of interest wants your attention and isn't timid.

 

[shirtz]

Cut her off entirely. Talking to her at all just gives you false hope that you might reunite - which would probably be a bad thing in the long term anyway - and makes you feel worse for longer. Delete her from facebook, delete her number from your phone, delete all the messages/call records between you two, get rid of any easy, convenient means of contacting her. I don't doubt that you guys had a deep connection but unfortunately Tristan is right - now is the time to cut your losses and give yourself some time to recover. Don't try to get back at her, it'll just make you think less of yourself on a deeper level.

Just cut her off, put one foot in front of the other and walk away. Yes it's going to suck for a while, you're going to feel like absolute shit from time to time, now and then you'll get spontaneous memories of her and have this sick feeling in your gut, and so forth. But at this point, that's unavoidable, all you can do is make it as easy on yourself as possible.

best advise there is. did this recently to an "ex" and she lost it. kinda sounded suicidal so i have finally answered her calls after a week. she has callmed down now but im back in contact again, which is only going to hurt both of us more. will try to cut the contact back as much as possible.

 

[downhiller88]

best advise there is. did this recently to an "ex" and she lost it. kinda sounded suicidal so i have finally answered her calls after a week. she has callmed down now but im back in contact again, which is only going to hurt both of us more. will try to cut the contact back as much as possible.

I hate being ignored.. the misses has being ignoring my texts. she has not being talking to me at all since Friday.

 

[DWNHLR01]

I hate being ignored.. the misses has being ignoring my texts. she has not being talking to me at all since Friday.

Mate, ring her a leave a voicemail saying it's over.

Life's too short to be waiting on some chick who isn't worth your time. Trust me, I've been there several times in my short but colourful life. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt breaking the ties, but you just gotta be selfish and do a little evil for the greater good.

I bet if you messaged her saying you kissed another chick, you'd get a reply within 5 mins time.

Usually when they start ignoring you, means they are bored and/or someone new is on the scene. Not saying she is cheating...But sometimes that's the case.

I could be wrong.

'Behind every hot girl, there is a bloke who is tired of her shit.'

 

[S.]

Thoughts on double dates? The plan is me + mate + girl of interest + asking her to bring a friend. Figured it would be a more casual/social approach...

IMO isolation/privacy is the key to intimacy, and I don't mean that just in a sexual way - for me at least, I can't really get to know someone without being one-on-one with them for a while. Inviting other people is like taking a step backwards for starters, and that's assuming it goes well - which as Ivan said, it might not. If you want a more casual approach, I'd suggest maybe not making it a "date", just asking her if she wants to go out for a quiet drink some time.

And if she asks if she can bring a friend, just say no - as long as you're not awkward about saying no, she'll buy into your frame. If she's insistent, laugh and tell her you're not ready for a threesome - at least until you get to know her a bit better.

 

[Lorday]

Silence is golden. Works best in a romantic situation such as her laying in your arms, on the beach at night; listening to the waves roll in. Gently caressing her arms. This is made of so much win that you can hear the fish in the ocean wondering why their life of silence isn't this awesome.

 

[alexx23]

I must say, i love this thread, who could have thought they could be so complicated!

Right, soo , im 15, girl friend is 16, been together for about 7 months, when we first met she was shy, but nice, beautiful, and funny when she said something! Now everything is great, see each other lots, she isnt shy at all, parents love each other blahh blahhh.


When we met, she hadn't done anything apart form kissed, this wasnt a problem, she had never been in a relationship before, still no problem. Quite different from me, i have had too many relaition ships and have had quite a bit of experence fr a 15 year old.. I know she is very keen on me, and she thinks she loves me!

After about 5 months together, she was ready to 'do stuff' (haha), that was all good, then about a month ago, we had sex for the first time, that was all good. But now, i have trouble getting her to want to do anything apart form staying home, which leads to sex...

I do not believe this is a good situation, i want to go places with her, walks and stuff, putt putt golf and all the rest, just hang out.

I know for a fact she isnt using me, if she wanted sex, she would have some 19 year old with a wrx and his own place, and trust me , she could.. Worries me all the time.

What can i do? I need to spend more time with her outside the bedroom.

thanks guys.

 

[Maurice.]

What can i do? I need to spend more time with her outside the bedroom.
.

but..............why?

 

[Ivan]

What can i do? I need to spend more time with her outside the bedroom.

thanks guys.

Dude, is this a troll?
Have some respect for the married guys like me on this forum!

 

[alexx23]

bhaha, why? cause, its all we ever do! Dont get me wrong, sex with her is awesome, but just not all the time! Its now like , thats the only thing our relationship is about, but that cant be right, we were together before for a while with out anything sexual happening, and it was good. I want a but of a mix, not just sex, but a mixture of time spent having fun together outside the bedroom.

 

[leitch]

Alex, dude, I know where you're at. It's not an issue of not wanting to have sex, but it sucks when you start to feel like that's the only thing you're together for. You can't tell her that you don't want to hang out at home because you want to do more than have sex - all she'll hear is "I don't want to have sex with you anymore" and then it's all over. You should try pushing for dinner out or a movie or something like that - you can still go back to one or other of your places afterward, but it gives you a chance to spend some nice time together just hanging out. The other thing I'd suggest is try to organise a bit of a day out - just the two of you. Catch the bus/train to the beach, have a swim, relax, have some fish and chips in the park by the water, catch the train home and then you can do what you want. Don't try to cut the sex out altogether - you'll hate yourself and she'll have you too - but just push for some time spent elsewhere.

I know how you're feeling, dude. My last girlfriend always just wanted to hang out at her place, which inevitably just meant lying around in her room (a dimly lit, boring box) doing nothing, having sex, going to sleep. Good fun on occasion but not as the norm.