Depression- need help?

The Duckmeister

Has a juicy midrange
It isn't much but I can offer to set up a private forum on here for approved members who want to chat to other guys but off the public scene. Think about it guys, if you think it'd be something you'd like to do then feel free to PM me and I'll see if it'll get enough interest to give some folks a place to chat with people who have been a bit down and can offer an ear. ;)
Another vote for this from me. :smile:

I've had arguments with the bloody dog to varying degrees for quite a few years, and had a particularly bad patch around six years ago during which for just a fleeting moment I considered suicide. Thankfully I got past that stage, and although I still have shit days at times I haven't been back to the depths I experienced at that time.

Weirdly, I can actually feel when I'm having a shit day that's out of kilter with emotional triggers; it's hard to explain, but kind of like when you've eaten something that doesn't quite agree with you & your guts feel a bit wobbly & unsettled, I get a similar sensation in my head. That feeling then makes me more shitty because it's an annoying, uncomfortable sensation, and the spiral begins.....
 

ajay

^Once punched Jeff Kennett. Don't pick an e-fight
Weirdly, I can actually feel when I'm having a shit day that's out of kilter with emotional triggers; it's hard to explain, but kind of like when you've eaten something that doesn't quite agree with you & your guts feel a bit wobbly & unsettled, I get a similar sensation in my head. That feeling then makes me more shitty because it's an annoying, uncomfortable sensation, and the spiral begins.....
I know exactly what you mean. I'm having a really tough time with anxiety at the moment, it's the first time it's really started to affect work/life etc. Booked in to see a professional. It's weird, there's so much support around speaking up, seeing someone, seeking help from friends, family or otherwise, to the point that externally there's barely a stigma attached to it, but man, I felt about the size of an ant when actually coming out with it to my partner and family.
 

dain2772

Likes Bikes and Dirt
Great thread and I love that it is part of the mtb community. One of the challenges with mental help is finding people to talk to and it can be daunting to call a hotline or go to a specific forum (although they are good options). I think it makes it more accessible to be on a forum that interests you and have a conversation about it - much more like talking to a friend.

I won't go into great detail, but I would have benefited from something like this 20 years ago as a teenager and probably every year since then.

I recommend getting professional help. If you are looking at meds, please do a bit of research about them. I have had experience of going on meds only to realise that getting off them would require going through significant withdrawals and side-effects including suicidal thoughts. Certainly not saying don't go on them, just look at options and don't necessarily accept what the Dr says is the best option.

Otherwise the things that have helped me over the years have been talking about things (even though I often felt it wouldn't help, it was something in hindsight that I could see did), regular exercise particularly something fun like mtb and keeping an eye on food and drink. The drink tends to have numbing and sometimes 'fun' short term effects, but afterwards I have seen on many occasions my mood take a dark turn.
 

ajay

^Once punched Jeff Kennett. Don't pick an e-fight
So the discussion with my partner went down like a lead balloon. It has been with met with on going comments along the lines of "stop being negative" (despite her previous advocacy of mental health - easy to talk the talk, hard to walk the walk) As if I want to be... Its backed me right into a corner. Waking up realising the only friends I have are my siblings. I've really turned into "that guy". Fuck. Where to go.........
 

stirk

Burner
So the discussion with my partner went down like a lead balloon. It has been with met with on going comments along the lines of "stop being negative" (despite her previous advocacy of mental health - easy to talk the talk, hard to walk the walk) As if I want to be... Its backed me right into a corner. Waking up realising the only friends I have are my siblings. I've really turned into "that guy". Fuck. Where to go.........
That's sad to hear your partner is not supportive of having an open discussion regarding depression or anxiety. Some people just don't feel comfortable with such topics perhaps because they are scared of them.

You seem to know what you want to talk about so keep that openess going.

You have a whole forum of nice people here you can reach out to if needed yeah, PM any of the people who respond in kind and you'll be surrounded by friends.
 

ajay

^Once punched Jeff Kennett. Don't pick an e-fight
Did you get along to see the professional you booked in to see bloke?
Yep, and glad I did. Obviously it's never an overnight fix but we've adopted some good strategies that seem to help.

That's sad to hear your partner is not supportive of having an open discussion regarding depression or anxiety. Some people just don't feel comfortable with such topics perhaps because they are scared of them.

You seem to know what you want to talk about so keep that openess going.

You have a whole forum of nice people here you can reach out to if needed yeah, PM any of the people who respond in kind and you'll be surrounded by friends.
Yeah it's tough man, the casual chats we'd had previously (not relating to me at all, just in general) led me to believe that it would be relatively well received. Getting shut down, after finally summoning the courage to initiate the discussion really broke me. Hopefully she comes around, I know it's tough on her, especially if she had the idea that I was solid as a rock and now realises that idea was wrong. Still got the dog at least :)

Thanks for the kind words ^
 

link1896

Mr Greenfield
So the discussion with my partner went down like a lead balloon. It has been with met with on going comments along the lines of "stop being negative" (despite her previous advocacy of mental health - easy to talk the talk, hard to walk the walk) As if I want to be... Its backed me right into a corner. Waking up realising the only friends I have are my siblings. I've really turned into "that guy". Fuck. Where to go.........

And it's mental health week...

Sorry to hear your partner responded like this. It's a pretty typical response sadly. If you had a broken leg, she probably wouldn't say " tuffen up princess".

Seek the professional help if you haven't already. If you don't click with this professional, seek out another one. Sadly, Psychiatric health services in this country are lagging other areas of health by 20 years. Surround yourself with positive people. Lots of happy, helpful people here.

Good luck.
 

Miguel75

Likes Dirt
Hi all,

I'm pretty new to this forum and somehow stumbled upon this thread. I'm saddened to hear of people's losses and struggles, though am stoked and heartened to see the support you guys are offering each other.

If it's not out of line i'd like to share a brief personal experience, I hope my anecdote doesn't come off as an advertisement, I have no affiliation with this course or providers aside from being a one time participant and beneficiary of the course. I had the good fortune of being able to attend a suicide first aid course on offer through my work, and can't recommend it highly enough to anyone who has watched friends and loved ones struggle with anxiety or depression. It's called "ASIST -advanced suicide intervention skills training". The day after finishing the course I was speaking to my best buddy and a few of his comments raised a red flag so I put into practice what I had learnt, basically just listening and asking simple questions.... Long story short, my buddy was contemplating suicide that night and because of the course, I was able to listen to him and support him in a way that worked.

I work in the emergency services and have experienced a number of people lose their hard fought battle. Every one of those experiences was saddening for all involved, and without wanting to sound trite (I'm not a professional by any means) if anyone ever wanted to chat I'm happy to just listen.
 
Last edited:

John U

MTB Precision
So the discussion with my partner went down like a lead balloon. It has been with met with on going comments along the lines of "stop being negative" (despite her previous advocacy of mental health - easy to talk the talk, hard to walk the walk) As if I want to be... Its backed me right into a corner. Waking up realising the only friends I have are my siblings. I've really turned into "that guy". Fuck. Where to go.........
My wife was supportive, I got treatment, but the ongoing nature of depression does her head in a bit. I still have bad days but I know when I'm having them now, but I think it wears her down.

We haven't met yet. If you have given old Jeff a punch in the face you sound like my sort of bloke. We should hook up for a ride sometime. Mick might be up for it too.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
Yep, and glad I did. Obviously it's never an overnight fix but we've adopted some good strategies that seem to help.



Yeah it's tough man, the casual chats we'd had previously (not relating to me at all, just in general) led me to believe that it would be relatively well received. Getting shut down, after finally summoning the courage to initiate the discussion really broke me. Hopefully she comes around, I know it's tough on her, especially if she had the idea that I was solid as a rock and now realises that idea was wrong. Still got the dog at least :)

Thanks for the kind words ^
It is a real blow to put something so important and vulnerable on the line only to have it rejected. Hopefully her response was thebresukt of surprise/shock and over the next few days or weeks she will come around.

It is important to acknowledge that being able to express yourself about this is a significant step. A moment where you have been in control of things. Well done.
 

Fruitbat

Likes Dirt
Have had a bad week or so, no motivation and no desire to do anything... It goes in cycles but after reading through this thread I can now see that recently my downs are not matched by an equal or bigger up, if this keeps going I can see a slow spiral into who knows where but I can bet its not a good place.

Going to give our work EAP a call and see what they have to say.... Last time I sought help I got the "eat healthy, exercise more" mantra which is great, but if you cant be arsed cooking or going for a walk....

Thanks Guys, appreciate you being here.
 

John U

MTB Precision
Have had a bad week or so, no motivation and no desire to do anything... It goes in cycles but after reading through this thread I can now see that recently my downs are not matched by an equal or bigger up, if this keeps going I can see a slow spiral into who knows where but I can bet its not a good place.

Going to give our work EAP a call and see what they have to say.... Last time I sought help I got the "eat healthy, exercise more" mantra which is great, but if you cant be arsed cooking or going for a walk....

Thanks Guys, appreciate you being here.
Talking to a GP about it and then seeing a therapist when they recommended it, was a good idea for me. Not the easiest thing to do though, but well worth the effort. I did that and then ended up on the "eat healthy, exercise more" mantra, but talking to those dudes in the middle made me realise that the shit I was going through wasn't as bad as my brain was making it out to be. My brain still spends a fair bit of time attempting to convince me otherwise though.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
Have had a bad week or so, no motivation and no desire to do anything... It goes in cycles but after reading through this thread I can now see that recently my downs are not matched by an equal or bigger up, if this keeps going I can see a slow spiral into who knows where but I can bet its not a good place.

Going to give our work EAP a call and see what they have to say.... Last time I sought help I got the "eat healthy, exercise more" mantra which is great, but if you cant be arsed cooking or going for a walk....

Thanks Guys, appreciate you being here.
EAP services can be really good, but tend to be focused on specific incidents rather than an ongoing plan. Given that it is there you should take full advantage of it. Being heard and aknowledged has power.

Knowing a few easy ways to look after yourself is useful, but when you're down...who gives a fuck yeah? Do you have capacity to plan ahead? For example when you're in that good space, can you bang on the slow cooker and then freeze the proceeds in single serve portions? Then when the you're on that shit slide you can switch to autopilot for food and focus your energy on other actions?
 

Fruitbat

Likes Dirt
Thanks Guys, I am taking all this on board and have just booked a few days down the coast to do nothing except go riding and catch up with friends.
Also thinking about tasty frozen meals to put away, thanks Poodle, you just cost the fast food places a fortune on my down weeks!
 

nzdans

Likes Dirt
Should've probably contributed earlier... Had anxiety/depression/anger ups & downs for as long as I can remember, usually fueled by alcohol/substance abuse. Things came to a rather shocking climax in June when my partner left me; I'd not been treating her fairly and had been pretty selfish, caught up in my own world.

June, July & August were bloody hard, I was on the eat well thing (lost 20kg as a result) but only occasionally got on the mag trainer (while watching the tour) otherwise I'd be lucky to get in one MTB ride per week (75 hours overtime in July didn't help). My goal/motivation became the Kowalski, I entered the 25km to be on the safe side (I often cramp after a couple of hours in races). A week or so after my partner left I managed to get into weekly counseling sessions with the local men's centre, this is the reason I'm posting.. I think it's been said before in this thread, the old problem shared = halved thing is very true.. The counselor is great, he's there solely to listen to me and help/support me. I did go to the GP prior and have a 'mental health plan' i.e. I've been assessed, pigeon holed and have a referral for my 8 free psychologist visits.. I don't think I have time to squeeze in the psychologist visits quite yet and am a bit wary of them from various reports of difficulty in finding good ones who don't just prescribe something to make the pain go away.

Last couple of weeks of August I decided it was time to get into the riding then figured on treating myself to a new ride so scoured the interweb and found something suitable. New ride (purchased 1st September) proved to be just the medicine I needed. By the 20th of September I had decent enough form for a top ten finish, the racing bug has officially bitten me again so I think I'm over this hump.

In my situation I felt the alcohol/substance abuse was a major factor in what was happening, I've been sober since the day my partner left.

My message is to seek help/support wherever you can find it, I don't think you can go too hard on this kind of thing i.e. friends, family, colleagues but even more importantly Beyond Blue, Lifeline & any other counseling that is available. Get help ASAP, pick up the phone and let it all out to a stranger who's trained to help & there to listen. You can even go online for 1 on 1 sessions with Beyond Blue. Other important message is to stick at it, with a bit of support and some choice distractions (of course, your bike(s)!) things will improve.

Oh, another tip: I rediscovered reading.. I think I read 7 or 8 Ben Elton books in a row, it was a brilliant and most enjoyable distraction from the thoughts that were haunting me whenever I wasn't reading.

Take care all, great thread.
 

fridgie

Likes Dirt
So the discussion with my partner went down like a lead balloon. It has been with met with on going comments along the lines of "stop being negative" (despite her previous advocacy of mental health - easy to talk the talk, hard to walk the walk) As if I want to be... Its backed me right into a corner. Waking up realising the only friends I have are my siblings. I've really turned into "that guy". Fuck. Where to go.........
Mate, I've been on both sides of this fence....

My ex girlfriend suffered depression, I hadn't picked up that I did too at this point, she came to me, asked for help and I just couldn't.

Didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say, didn't want to make things worse but kept pushing her to continue on daily. She resented me massively for it and I felt completely lost in what to do.

Try another talk, organise some time together without distractions but try and have a plan ready. Let her know things she CAN do. Let her know you love her. My ex just wanted to be held, supported. When I saw her mood slipping I'd just come behind her, wrap my arms around her and hold on. Things improved for us.

I still felt like I couldn't deal with her problem, but I could at least help her.

Now I've been through it all personally, broken down quite a few times (the biggest being a catastrophic breakdown at work, I just couldn't adult that day) and can see where I went wrong with her.

If someone hasn't been through it personally, they never really understand. The best thing is though, you don't need to understand it to give someone a hug when they need it.

Really hope you are able to get through this and the two of you become a stronger couple for it.

If you ever feel like chewing an ear off, mine tastes like bacon ;)
 

ajay

^Once punched Jeff Kennett. Don't pick an e-fight
It is important to acknowledge that being able to express yourself about this is a significant step. A moment where you have been in control of things. Well done.
Albeit a fleeting moment, but thanks. Such a strange feeling searching for those moments where you don't feel anxious / miserable. I was rock climbing yesterday, forgot about every thing. I need more of that :)

We haven't met yet. If you have given old Jeff a punch in the face you sound like my sort of bloke. We should hook up for a ride sometime. Mick might be up for it too.
That'd be awesome :)

Mate, I've been on both sides of this fence....

My ex girlfriend suffered depression, I hadn't picked up that I did too at this point, she came to me, asked for help and I just couldn't.

Didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say, didn't want to make things worse but kept pushing her to continue on daily. She resented me massively for it and I felt completely lost in what to do.

Try another talk, organise some time together without distractions but try and have a plan ready. Let her know things she CAN do. Let her know you love her. My ex just wanted to be held, supported. When I saw her mood slipping I'd just come behind her, wrap my arms around her and hold on. Things improved for us.

I still felt like I couldn't deal with her problem, but I could at least help her.

Now I've been through it all personally, broken down quite a few times (the biggest being a catastrophic breakdown at work, I just couldn't adult that day) and can see where I went wrong with her.

If someone hasn't been through it personally, they never really understand. The best thing is though, you don't need to understand it to give someone a hug when they need it.

Really hope you are able to get through this and the two of you become a stronger couple for it.

If you ever feel like chewing an ear off, mine tastes like bacon ;)
That's the awful crux isn't it... I've tried so many times to explain what the black shroud feels like, and that there's not a switch you can flick to suddenly feel normal again. Theres just barriers, that obviously stresses me out more, and in turn makes me more and more negative, and has the same effect on my partner....
 

Big JD

Wheel size expert
My partner doesn't get it and doesn't really want to. I don't talk about it with her. She is old school- "we all get depressed- snap out of it, don't be so weak".

I have no intention of trying to change her views. I have other people to lean on if needed.

Best thing I ever did was see a GP and chat about it. Now three years on and I can't believe how much better life can be. Medication has helped me immeasurably

I now believe my partner is depressed and has been for three years.

Great thread folks

Keep talking and listening to others
 
Top