Customer Service Stories

[leitch]

FYI - people! Never be that person wanting coffee before the doors are open or while staff are zipping around getting set up unless you want to be served by someone who hasn't had their coffee yet. Those people need their caffeine too and yours will be better if you wait a little bit.

Haha fuck this reminds me of a classic. Brisbane ~2010ish, cafe i was managing we were all a close knit group of friends. So on Christmas Day, we started with a little team family breakfast at the cafe - exploit the supplier accounts for loads of fresh fruit and have the coffee on tap for a couple of hours before heading off to our respective family engagements.

So we’re all sitting out the front of the cafe in a circle, around a couple of tables pushed together with a big pile of breakfast goodness on it. Cafe was in a warehouse space so the front door was just a roller shutter, which was open to only about ~1.5m so you could duck under to get inside but was clearly not open.

Guy literally navigates a barrier of chairs and steps over people’s legs to pick his way through the ~10 of us sitting around out side, ducks his head under the shutter and walks inside. 30sec of us ignoring him later he ducks back out. “Are you guys open??”

 

[pink poodle]

Haha fuck this reminds me of a classic. Brisbane ~2010ish, cafe i was managing we were all a close knit group of friends. So on Christmas Day, we started with a little team family breakfast at the cafe - exploit the supplier accounts for loads of fresh fruit and have the coffee on tap for a couple of hours before heading off to our respective family engagements.

So we’re all sitting out the front of the cafe in a circle, around a couple of tables pushed together with a big pile of breakfast goodness on it. Cafe was in a warehouse space so the front door was just a roller shutter, which was open to only about ~1.5m so you could duck under to get inside but was clearly not open.

Guy literally navigates a barrier of chairs and steps over people’s legs to pick his way through the ~10 of us sitting around out side, ducks his head under the shutter and walks inside. 30sec of us ignoring him later he ducks back out. “Are you guys open??”

People are so thoughtful.

 

[K.C.]

is that a common symptom of caffeine withdrawal douchebaggery? my work is right next door to a cafe, fighting with cafe customers that blocks our driveway is a full time job. The cafe has a couple parking spots + driveway/lane alongside it, but they chose to shove their car into ours area. The worst one are those that blocked it horizontally or right in the middle on an angle, on a space that can fit 3 car vertically side by side.

 

[nzhumpy]

Anyone who has ever worked help desk has had the magic touch. It's where the customer has some sort of issue but as soon as you arrive it stops. Sometimes you have to lay hands on the keyboard and mouse, and reboot, sometimes it just stops fucking around as you arrive. Customers are always dumbfounded, and often you are too.

This literally happened to me today...work was being done on our NBN Thursday night and internet was terrible yesterday, Mrs was in a bit of a panic because it was near unusable and she had documents to publish.

I call Telstra while I'm running a few errands this morning and they do a online check and confirm there's an issue and inform me I need to be at home to run a few more tests. I call when I get back and while I'm on hold I run a speedcheck and voila, problem mysteriously disappears.

 

[pink poodle]

is that a common symptom of caffeine withdrawal douchebaggery? my work is right next door to a cafe, fighting with cafe customers that blocks our driveway is a full time job. The cafe has a couple parking spots + driveway/lane alongside it, but they chose to shove their car into ours area. The worst one are those that blocked it horizontally or right in the middle on an angle, on a space that can fit 3 car vertically side by side.

Coffee is and effective way to bring out the worst in people.

 

[Freediver]

It's not just the customers, management can be miniature triton trumpets as well.

I worked at Diamaru for a while, in the seafood dept. I had some junky looking scrag come in the day after boxing day and demand her money back on a cray because it was off. This just wasn't possible, we got our crays in live and kept them in a holding tank. We sold them cooked or live and cooking them was one of my jobs. Christmas Eve I was in there at 7 am cooking live crays so we could get them chilled in time for opening as we had sold out the day before, absolutely no way we sold an off cray. To make it even more interesting, she didn't have a receipt.
I politely told her I couldn't give her money back because the only way it could have been off would be because of something she did and she didn't have a receipt anyway. She started getting a bit angry and loud so I repeated there would be no refund and asked her to go away and she left.
A couple of hours later I've got the store and floor managers reaming me a new one because of how she said I spoke to her and my refusal to offer a refund, I guess they don't get that kind of scammy behaviour in Japan and the managers had only been here the few months the store had been opened. They had some weird version of the customer always being right. Next thing you know they are making me meet the scammer upstairs in the offices to apologise and tell her that I had received an official warning in person and give her a basket full of seafood that would have been worth well over $150 dollars, this is early 90's so that was a pretty nice score. They had already given her money back. I'd wager she pulled the same shit at a dozen shops that day.
I quit pretty soon after.

 

[Asininedrivel]

It's not just the customers, management can be miniature triton trumpets as well.

100%. As a young(er) nerd, I did a stint in an EB Games franchise. Pretty much anyone who's worked in one will tell you they happily foster some of the worst workplace culture ever, with on average up to an hour each side of every shift unpaid work, inducements and promos that start and finish at store manager level, and a customer base that would be better off playing in heavy traffic.
One of my favourites was when selling games, you needed to produce ID. Of course people didn't, then got stroppy when you insisted it was store policy, at which point a manager would step in and overrule you, making you look stupid and wondering why such rules were in place when they weren't enforced, especially given the chances of fencing stolen gear....
Also trying to sell partially chewed (or similar) pre-owned versions of the same game a customer wanted new for $3 less never failed to get some bemused looks.
Also running out of WOW top up cards and having customers lose their minds. Coming in and checking every 20 minutes to see if they were in yet, full blown tantrums, the works.
There's much more, but that'll do. I didn't last long for some reason.

 

[pink poodle]

Had a fucking huge day of 14 hours straight and close to 2000 patrons. The day was going so well and almost everyone was fabulous. But then...what's the term for a man Karen? I can't remember. One patron in the upstairs bar decided that one of the house policies didn't sit well with him and started on one of the new guys. This new guy is just 18 and so fucking green. After a few polite attempts he realises the patron is a dickhead and recommends he come down stairs and speaks with me about the problem.

This fellow storms into my bar and rather than speak to me he romps up to the youngest girl there and starts on her! Very angry pointing, name dropping, "this is a shot show!", "I own a number of night clubs and this wouldn't happen there...", and on and on. This guy was coked up to his eye balls! So I butt in and bail her out. "look I understand that your inconvenienced by this and unhappy but there is nothing we can do about it here tonight. Owning so many venues you clearly understand that we are the lowest rung on the ladder and no decision making influence. Even if I share your feedback it won't go anywhere...what you need to do is either call or email the venue on Monday morning..." Well he thought that was a great idea and really fired up about all the thing he would say on Monday. I'm trying to work out how to get the security guard onto him and throw him out. The girls are actually a bit worried about what this guy is going to do in the moment as he is really high. Then my boss comes round the corner and of course they are friends! They chat and they talk and he unloads his disappointment...she slings him a free drink!


Anyway I key the guys in the upstairs bar up to refuse him service if he comes back and the security put someone up there to wait for him...and he didn't come for another drink.


Oh and the boss thought we should cut him some slack because he was "on the bags".

 

[Chriso_29er]

Back in the 90's my missus was a teenager working in child care.
Apparently the owner of her centre was a bit of a piece of work, but actually good to her staff. You just didn't wan't to get on her wrong side.
Anyway, they had a parent that used to constantly complain about anything and everything, missing clothes, sleep habits, fed too much, not enough blah blah.
One morning she's dropped off the kid and as usual had a good complain about something. Not directly to the owner, but she got wind of it as the parent was heading back out into her car to go off to work.
Next second the owner is running out after her with the kid in tow. Dumps the kid on the nature strip, unloads on the parent then says she or her kid are no longer welcome, then walked back inside lol.
Can you imagine something like that happening these days haha, would make a hilarious FB video!

 

[leitch]

Can you imagine something like that happening these days haha, would make a hilarious FB video!

Man denying service to a shit customer feels so good. "You know what, your money isn't worth the pain of dealing with your personality. See ya. Next!"

 

[pink poodle]

Man denying service to a shit customer feels so good. "You know what, your money isn't worth the pain of dealing with your personality. See ya. Next!"

Yeah it does! I learnt this working for a friend's father when I was fresh out high school. I wish it was something I got to do more often.

Back in the 90's my missus was a teenager working in child care.
Apparently the owner of her centre was a bit of a piece of work, but actually good to her staff. You just didn't wan't to get on her wrong side.
Anyway, they had a parent that used to constantly complain about anything and everything, missing clothes, sleep habits, fed too much, not enough blah blah.
One morning she's dropped off the kid and as usual had a good complain about something. Not directly to the owner, but she got wind of it as the parent was heading back out into her car to go off to work.
Next second the owner is running out after her with the kid in tow. Dumps the kid on the nature strip, unloads on the parent then says she or her kid are no longer welcome, then walked back inside lol.
Can you imagine something like that happening these days haha, would make a hilarious FB video!

Fuck yes! Take your shit and leave.



I worked in a deli while I was at uni, friend's father owned. He was the grumpy dad we all kept away from as kids. Looking back he worked 7 days a week and probably just didn't have time for the sort of shit we used to get up to at his house. Anyway 2 particular incidents working for him stay with me.


1) every Friday the same customer would come in and drive us nuts. She did drop a lot of cash every visit but would take 20 minutes to spend it. "just a little bit of this..." "give me a taste of that..." Kind of shit on one of the busiest nights. Other customers would get pissy and we were to close to a Woolworths to piss people off.

One night he comes out from the back and loses his shit at her in front a fair crowd! F-bombs flying, bodily parts recommended as places to stick her money, all of what you would expect from a temper tantrum. She storms off yelling about how he has lost her money and he just turns to the crowd and politely+enthusiastically asks "who's next please?"

2) an older lady came in one evening to return some cocktail Frankfurts she purchase the day before. They had given her an upset stomach and diarrhoea. Now we were very particular about freshness and quality, being up against Woolworths we really couldn't compete on price so this was our thing. Anyway he apologises, refunds the money, and assures her of his commitment to quality products etc etc. He then proceeds to eat all of the Frankfurts while chatting to her!

 

[shiny]

Yeah it does! I learnt this working for a friend's father when I was fresh out high school. I wish it was something I got to do more often.




Fuck yes! Take your shit and leave.



I worked in a deli while I was at uni, friend's father owned. He was the grumpy dad we all kept away from as kids. Looking back he worked 7 days a week and probably just didn't have time for the sort of shit we used to get up to at his house. Anyway 2 particular incidents working for him stay with me.


1) every Friday the same customer would come in and drive us nuts. She did drop a lot of cash every visit but would take 20 minutes to spend it. "just a little bit of this..." "give me a taste of that..." Kind of shit on one of the busiest nights. Other customers would get pissy and we were to close to a Woolworths to piss people off.

One night he comes out from the back and loses his shit at her in front a fair crowd! F-bombs flying, bodily parts recommended as places to stick her money, all of what you would expect from a temper tantrum. She storms off yelling about how he has lost her money and he just turns to the crowd and politely+enthusiastically asks "who's next please?"

2) an older lady came in one evening to return some cocktail Frankfurts she purchase the day before. They had given her an upset stomach and diarrhoea. Now we were very particular about freshness and quality, being up against Woolworths we really couldn't compete on price so this was our thing. Anyway he apologises, refunds the money, and assures her of his commitment to quality products etc etc. He then proceeds to eat all of the Frankfurts while chatting to her!

Did he get the runs or you never found out?

 

[pink poodle]

Did he get the runs or you never found out?

He did not experience an anal explosion.


Same guy made it into his 50s without ever try marijuana, but managed to surround himself with stoner staff. One of the girls was very open about it all and one day he took her up on the offer to make him some brownies...she was very excited and may have gotten a little carried away with how much she loaded it up. My friend came home one night to find his dad slammed down on the lounge room floor barely able to crawl stoned out of his universe and only half the brownie eaten. Mate helped his dad out by eating the rest of the brownie for him and reported it was quite strong. The boss described the experience as "being stuck on a merry-go-round that operated in 3 dimensions."

 

[cokeonspecialtwodollars]

The boss described the experience as "being stuck on a merry-go-round that operated in 3 dimensions."

Pretty certain those are the normal number of dimensions a merry-go-round operates in.

 

[ForkinGreat]

I worked in an outdoor gear shop for a while (mountain designs). most customers were nice.

One day, I wander up to a young bloke with a cheery, "is there something here I can show you?" or words to that effect,
to which he replied : "Just get the fuck out of my face, cunt!"
Allrighty then.....

 

[Jpez]

I worked in an outdoor gear shop for a while (mountain designs). most customers were nice.

One day, I wander up to a young bloke with a cheery, "is there something here I can show you?" or words to that effect,
to which he replied : "Just get the fuck out of my face, cunt!"
Allrighty then.....

That was probably me! I hate being molested by cheery pimple faced staff members!
I’ll be quite happily and capably checking out a T-shirt or what ever and the pimple faced assistant will come up and ruin it. “Oh that’s an awesome T-shirt, it also comes in blue and most definitely wasn’t made in the sweat shops of Asia! That one looks too small for you. We have more out the back”
Fuck off! Did I ask about it’s colour and human rights pedigree?? If I need assistance I’ll fucking well ask for it! I end up with fuck all or very worn out clothes because the experience of being hassled by every cheery shop assistant in Highpoint is too much to bear!!

 

[Scotty T]

My wife is a part time beekeeper and sells honey at the farmers markets on the weekend for a full time keeper with 100+ seasonal hives and regular supply from a large producer.

Random dudes think it's funny to come up and say "hi honey" to which they get a condescending glare and sarcastic hello. I filled in for half an hour on the weekend and nobody called me honey, I would have given them a hug

They sell raw honey. It's very complicated, and people struggle with the concept that it is not heated when extracted in bulk.

Customer: What is raw honey?
Wife: it's extracted without any heat, whereas our non-raw honey is done in bulk with heat, for easier and faster extraction
Customer: I know, but what is raw honey?
Wife: Ummm, it's not heated...

People are being told, even by medical professionals, that local honey helps with allergies (it doesn't). So many ask for Canberra honey which is rare and difficult to produce compared to other regions mainly because of the cold. I'm encouraing the wife and her boss to put much extra $$ on the Canberra honey, normally it just sells for the same as other raw honey but it actually does cost more and people will pay more for the myth of improving their allergies.

 

[DougalStrachan]

But the internet told me to get local honey!! MANUKA!!! ROYAL JELLY!!!1!1!!!

 

[Scotty T]

But the internet told me to get local honey!! MANUKA!!! ROYAL JELLY!!!1!1!!!

Oh man, some of the raw honey has plenty of leptospermum in the right season, tastes like a nicer version of the Manuka stuff, so they can say it "tastes like" Manuka honey. Are you onto the propolis yet?

 

[Haakon]

Wonder if my olds still have their beekeeping stuff... We had a skinny thing you'd put two sheets in after skimming the lids off the combs and rotate the handle until it ran out of a tap in the bottom. Was good fun as a kid seeing how fast we could spin it!