Confessions from the fuckwits

[Urban DH]

Well... While being careless with degreaser derpdederp, I got some on the rear rotor. Then when I go to ride the bike, the first thing I do is a wheel stand. I pull back hard on the bars and turns out I have no rear brake... I pretty much end up throwing my head backwards into the bitumen with the full force of my body. Luckily I had a helmet on, I didn't knock myself out but I saw stars for a good couple of minutes and also bent my reverb seat post, it hit with that much force.


On a hardtail I had years ago I destroyed the hanger and the derailleur, fair enough... it happens. So I went and bought replacements to fit myself, not knowing how to set the upper & lower shift limits on the derailleur. First ride, the derailleur over shifts into the spokes and destroys the brand new hanger and derailleur. To this day I still don't have any luck with hangers or derailleurs, still destroying them even though now knowing how to set them up properly.

i could set that up for you i'm pro at it takes no time at all! EASY AS!

 

[eastie]

As I was reading this I had an image of you hold your mates dick lolololol

That says more about you than him!

 

[Bjorn]

Mình chuyên bán sim 3g. B?n có c?n thì liên h? mình Có r?t nhi?u d? b?n ch?n, b?n vÃ*o http://sim3g.com xem nhé

Thanks sim3g, spamming an English site in a foreign language proves you definitely are a fuckwit.

 

[Mr Kurt]

I'll contribute! In trying to take a pedal of, I thought the best way would be to remove the drive side crank, and do it of the bike. So, here i am, trying to undo a stuck pedal, using tremendous force. Then suddenly the pedals loosens, and my wrist stabs into the chain ring. Has anyone ever suffered a punction wound to the wrist directly below the palm? Well i suggest avoid it at all costs. From now on pedals have been removed on the bike

 

[Broken Bones89]

Once I was helping a mate out in his shop and he asked me to do a bleed on a set of juicy 7s, he hand me the bleed kit and I hook it up the lever and caliper and start squeezing the syringes. Nothing happens so I squeeze a little harder, still nothing, so I start feeding the fat into it, all of a sudden the rear caliper explodes in fluid and pistons. I had connected one bleeder to the rear lever and the other to the front caliper. What a stupid fuck I am.

 

[0psi]

i could set that up for you i'm pro at it takes no time at all! EASY AS!

Thanks. You just broke my sarcasm detector. Full overload, Boom!

 

[wembas]

My turn - fixing a blow out on my fixie the other night.... Repaired the puncture , putting the tyre back on... .Pinched the tube -FARK....... Punctured....

Repaired it - Pinched the tube putting it back on AGAIN !!!!! another puncture....... FARK FARK FARK

Repaired it again and was sooooooo gentle and carefull putting it back on this time... was finally able to ride it home. Utter Fuckwittery.... wasnt pissed off - was just laughing at myself for being such a tosser - even when trying to be carefull.... skinny tyres suck ass.

 

[Shredden]

Once I was helping a mate out in his shop and he asked me to do a bleed on a set of juicy 7s, he hand me the bleed kit and I hook it up the lever and caliper and start squeezing the syringes. Nothing happens so I squeeze a little harder, still nothing, so I start feeding the fat into it, all of a sudden the rear caliper explodes in fluid and pistons. I had connected one bleeder to the rear lever and the other to the front caliper. What a stupid fuck I am.

I have been guilty of this from time to time.

 

[Norco Maniac]

couple of weeks ago we were racing States at Mt Gambier. 8m start hill, not so bad on the Formula but hell on wheels, literally, on the Retro bike (anyone remember old bmx brakes?) anyways, rode the Formula on the Saturday and on Sunday pulled the brake pads out and put them in the Retro bike, no worries.

packed up for the trip home without thinking about it, hopped on the Formula the next night at training, rode down to staging, grabbed a handful of brakes....no brake pads.

felt like a right idiot.

 

[morticus]

I have built a flat pack BBQ on 2 occasions now, the first one took me a few hours as she was a big one. Finally got it finished off and realised the doors were on the opposite side. Took me 2 hours to pull it apart and put it back together the right way. A few years later i bought another, and being ever so clever knew i wouldnt be done twice. Well i managed to put that fucker together the wrong way as well. <INSERT DICKHEAD COMMENT HERE>

Fucking BBQs.

 

[yuley95]

Can confessions about driving into sheds with bikes on Thule roof racks go on this forum.

I'm guilty of this. Bike was fine but roof racks left dints the roof of my car.

Few weeks later a massive hailstorm rolled through Melbourne and left 2 small, round dings in my roof. Told the bloke at the insurance company about the other strange dints that must have been caused by flying debris and they fixed 'em up for me. Sweet.

 

[moorey]

Shortening the Shimano hydro hoses on my boys 20" mtb the other day, measured, cut, put the barbed brass deallie in the end of hose......realised I hadn't put the olive on first...swore...cut hose a bit shorther to removed brass thingy, burred it a bit, so grabbed another one, put olive over hose, pushed brass thingy in.......and noticed the olive fits over anyway...Fuckwit. You think i'd check that.....:noidea:

 

[Dozer]

A customer popped in at work (as they do) a couple of weeks ago to pick up a new tyre. Offsider out in the shopfront recognised the guy from having bought one only a few days earlier.

Old Mate (a triathlete, which explains a lot) decided to put the new tyre on at 5:00am on race morning, in the dark. He apparently had a bit of trouble getting the thing to seat, but put it down to it being stupid-o'clock & dark, and eventually got it there, so off to the race he went. Out of the swim & onto the bike leg, put a bit of power in & *Weeeee*, massive wheelspin. "Odd", thinks Mr Triathlete, and keeps riding. Get to a corner, and *weeee*, big drift. "Shit", thinks Mr Triathlete, "they've sold me a dud tyre!" Nevertheless, he keeps on riding, wheelspinning & drifting all the way, until he hit a corner which required a bit more braking. Massive lock-up, which put a rather major flat spot on the tyre, but he held it, and kept riding. Eventually he finished the bike & went for a run, still swearing at the tyre.

Finally he got home to find the tyre had gone flat. Only when he took it off to repair it did he realise that he'd put it on inside out!

HAhahahaahahahahaaaaaaa! Fucking triathletes. They aren't any good at one thing so they do everything badly. That's a pisser!

Once I was helping a mate out in his shop and he asked me to do a bleed on a set of juicy 7s, he hand me the bleed kit and I hook it up the lever and caliper and start squeezing the syringes. Nothing happens so I squeeze a little harder, still nothing, so I start feeding the fat into it, all of a sudden the rear caliper explodes in fluid and pistons. I had connected one bleeder to the rear lever and the other to the front caliper. What a stupid fuck I am.

Heheheheeeee, thats so bad but so true. I reckon everyone who has an idea of bleeding brakes has at one stage done it.

We once encouraged a new guy to get a bike and come riding. He bought an Epic from Ebay, had it shipped to him and put it together in his shop. Knock off time came so he chucked his new white Reebok tennis shoes on and joined us at the local for a trail ride. He was late so we saw him arrive and rode off as he got on his bike. We got to a point to stop and talk the talk and he rolls up looking all sorts of messed up wondering what planet he was on. He said his bike felt strange and we put it down to him being a new rider on a new bike. We were ready to roll again when I caught a glimpse of fuckwittery out of the corner of my eye: He'd put the handlebars in the stem the wrogn way around so all the controls were arse up! He was riding it locked in top gear and was hurting from it! Needless to say, the all male contingent in the group lost their shit and I tried to keep a straight face while quickly fixing it with my multi tool. We jumped on, rode off and I stayed back to show him how to drive the gears. We got to the next stop and he bailed, bike was on Ebay the next day and never spoken of again. The poor guy, he got raped with laughter that day.
Another time I was walking with my wife by the seaside when proud Dad rolls past on a new Anthem with every option in the accessory catalogue fitted: Bell, computer, pump, water bottle, pannier, slick tyres, fenders...the lot. He was a few metres ahead of his son who was rolling an equally new bike but from Kmart / Big W. I had to do the shimmy to avoid being run over and the little tacker had to stop. I smiled, said "G'day, nice bike mate!" He smiled and Dad rolls back and gives me the evil look. I shrugged it off but as I was about to walk off I noticed the front V brake was on the backside of the forks....along with the optional disc brake mount being on the drive side........the warning labels to the front..........turns out proud Dad had put the bars on the back side of the stem. Fucking mong! I saw my avenue for attack and stepped back to tell the Dad that the forks were on backwards and need to be spun around. I was about to say I had a tool in my nearby car to do it (because, yo know, I'm a nice guy and like to see people enjoy riding their bike and not look like total speds) but he cut me off and basically yelled at me to fuck off, you don't know what you're talking about! Righteo mate, have fun cleaning your kid up off the pavement with a failed bike.

To my utter pleasure upon returning to the carpark after my walk I saw that karma had caught up to the proud Dad who had gone over the bars attempting to roll down some steps. You reckon I offered to help?

 

[MARKL]

I have been guilty of this from time to time.

done it once...fluid everwhere

 

[ChopSticks]

You reckon I offered to help?

yeppp... offered to take a new Anthem home kekekek

 

[Broken Bones89]

Glad to know I'm not the only one to utterly cock up a brake bleed.

 

[Capt.Gumby]

Throw on new tubeless tyre, full of Stans, bust my nuts getting it to bead with a floor pump etc only to put it on the wrong way (rotational direction), pull it off only to have Stans go everywhere over the garage floor, flip it 180, use up the last bit of sealant left in the bottle, inflate only to realize I had done it again....... would have just left it but a 2.4 Ardent backwards isnt the best...... take it off again carefully so as to reuse Stans, of course I spill it.... off to LBS to buy more Stans.....

 

[rumblefish]

Doing an oil change on the car, I was laying underneath with the spanner on a sump plug that wouldn’t budge. I applied as much force as I could until the spanner slipped off the sump plug and hit me between the eyes. The outcome was a trip to hospital for a couple of stiches and never doing an oil change again.

 

[spyderman_au]

Once I was helping a mate out in his shop and he asked me to do a bleed on a set of juicy 7s, he hand me the bleed kit and I hook it up the lever and caliper and start squeezing the syringes. Nothing happens so I squeeze a little harder, still nothing, so I start feeding the fat into it, all of a sudden the rear caliper explodes in fluid and pistons. I had connected one bleeder to the rear lever and the other to the front caliper. What a stupid fuck I am.

Trust me whenI say you are not the only one.... Have seen two other people do this.... ;-)

 

[Mica]

Blocked kitchen sink. Get under the sink and place bucket under ubend and dismantle. Crap from sink drains into bucket. Clean out ubend of vile stinky bits into bucket as well. Decide I want to remove and empty bucket before replacing ubend. Take easiest option and pour down kitchen sink...

FW!