Confessions from the fuckwits

[Mattydv]

On the way home from work I was mucking around and decided to chuck a wheelie. Bad idea. I am used to throwing the feet down when I pull the wheel up too far. I quickly found out that clipping in means it is a lot harder to do that. In no time I found myself on my bum, my bike on top of me with my feet still clipped in. Jeez my butt is sore! :doh:

Learn to use your rear brake! If you start to go backwards/sideways, slam it on. Eventually you'll learn to feather it and be able to control yourself much better.

I don't know about the trails around Northern Melbourne, but you'd be amazed how often the ability to control a manual comes in useful on the trails up here. It's a handy skill to have!

 

[Dilstub]

First contribution to this, here we go.
Few months ago, I crashed following a mate down a new track. I'd put new brakes on the day before and hadn't shortened hoses yet. Wound up completely tangled into my bike, required the help of two passing forestry guys to untangle myself, who spent the next five minutes laughing at me. Fun times....

 

[Three]

I fucked up my tubeless valve trying to remove it. Giving it a tap with the valve opened and the lock nut still on.
So I'm running a tube for a while till I can learn to brain again.

 

[Mica]

Mate was packing his bike last minute for a trip to NZ. Seatpost was well and truly stuck and had to be removed to fit in the bag. After a number of failed efforts and a plane to catch I suggested cut it off leaving as much as possible sticking out of the frame then see if a shop in NZ can get it out. Great plan.

Arrives in NZ and proceeds to shop and despite their efforts still stuck. He goes fuck it I'll leave it with you guys, buy a new bike off you and see you in a couple weeks to pick it up on the way home.

Needless to say that was about 2 years ago and the bike is still at that shop with half a seatpost in it for all we know. For the life of him he can't remember the shops name and they don't have his contact details so there it shall remain.

 

[gregb]

For the life of him he can't remember the shops name and they don't have his contact details so there it shall remain.

Credit card receipts?

 

[frank_n]

Easy to lose on a trip

 

[pink poodle]

Mate was packing his bike last minute for a trip to NZ. Seatpost was well and truly stuck and had to be removed to fit in the bag. After a number of failed efforts and a plane to catch I suggested cut it off leaving as much as possible sticking out of the frame then see if a shop in NZ can get it out. Great plan.

Arrives in NZ and proceeds to shop and despite their efforts still stuck. He goes fuck it I'll leave it with you guys, buy a new bike off you and see you in a couple weeks to pick it up on the way home.

Needless to say that was about 2 years ago and the bike is still at that shop with half a seatpost in it for all we know. For the life of him he can't remember the shops name and they don't have his contact details so there it shall remain.

That is pretty funny. Surely NZ has an MTB forum like this that he could make a post in? Some kindly kiwi would get all investigator style on it and save the day...

 

[Mica]

Being a fuckwit he just doesn't really care anymore.

 

[Daisy]

'auxiliary' number plate with new car

I replaced my car a few weeks ago, meaning I now have a different number plate.

Whilst transporting my bike on rack attached to towbar, I was still using the 'auxiliary' number plate which had my old car details. (Only did this twice & did not get pulled up by cops).


I'm too cheap to get a new 'auxiliary' plate from the RMS, so instead I have written the new number plate on cardboard & sticky-taped to the old 'auxiliary' plate.

Cheers, Daisy

 

[jawry]

I replaced my car a few weeks ago, meaning I now have a different number plate.

Whilst transporting my bike on rack attached to towbar, I was still using the 'auxiliary' number plate which had my old car details. (Only did this twice & did not get pulled up by cops).


I'm too cheap to get a new 'auxiliary' plate from the RMS, so instead I have written the new number plate on cardboard & sticky-taped to the old 'auxiliary' plate.

Cheers, Daisy

Be careful with that Daisy, cops did me once for a cardboard number plate. The solution (to avoid cost) is photocopied reduced and laminated. Looks the jizz, and so far (touch wood) has not been noticed by the boys in blue.

 

[Coaster]

Forgive me lord as I have a confession. My single speed had one of those farkin annoying tiny squeaks that they often develop so did the usual strip it down, cleaned everything, re greased and assembled. Looks a million bucks. Also has about 4 other new creaks, squeaks and rubbing noises. FARK!

 

[B Rabbit]

Learn to use your rear brake! If you start to go backwards/sideways, slam it on. Eventually you'll learn to feather it and be able to control yourself much better.

I don't know about the trails around Northern Melbourne, but you'd be amazed how often the ability to control a manual comes in useful on the trails up here. It's a handy skill to have!

i think I'll pass that info on to my mate. He was practising manuals on the way to work, forgot his rear brake needed bleeding, went over the back clipped in at 40kph and this is the result
I can remove in the image if it's too graphic for people. Don't look down if you have a weak stomach!
























......

 

[ForkinGreat]

i think I'll pass that info on to my mate. He was practising manuals on the way to work, forgot his rear brake needed bleeding, went over the back clipped in at 40kph and this is the result
I can remove in the image if it's too graphic for people. Don't look down if you have a weak stomach!

Good reason to wear elbow pads

 

[nzdans]

Another carnage shot, nearly as graphic as the above too.. My favorite all round, anytime top.. Damn PF30, had to cut down an 8mm allen key to fit my torque wrench etc so I could muck around with my cranks/BB to try and get rid of a noise. Looked down while using the angle grinder to cut said allen key:



Waaahh, not Frosty Boy!!! Not so wind proof now :shocked:

 

[Haakon]

Another carnage shot, nearly as graphic as the above too.. My favorite all round, anytime top.. Damn PF30, had to cut down an 8mm allen key to fit my torque wrench etc so I could muck around with my cranks/BB to try and get rid of a noise. Looked down while using the angle grinder to cut said allen key:

View attachment 319348

Waaahh, not Frosty Boy!!! Not so wind proof now :shocked:

This is why my missus will always tick me off I even look like heading to the shed in good clothes! I have form...

 

[shake_rattle_and_ roll]

Another carnage shot, nearly as graphic as the above too.. My favorite all round, anytime top.. Damn PF30, had to cut down an 8mm allen key to fit my torque wrench etc so I could muck around with my cranks/BB to try and get rid of a noise. Looked down while using the angle grinder to cut said allen key:

View attachment 319348

Waaahh, not Frosty Boy!!! Not so wind proof now :shocked:

Did the same thing with the angle grinder a few years ago. Was modifying a bike rack for a month-long road trip at 2am the morning of our departure. Deliriously tired I start grinding away, getting righteously vicious on the offending plate. 15min later I stand up to realise all of the sparks & hot metal shmeg has been blasting up the passenger side window of my girlfriend's car. Definitely felt like a complete fuckwit. $460 later. She hears the grinder start these days & she comes running...can't blame her.

 

[RapidRob]

Misunderestimated my uninability

Borrowed my boss's bike from the bike shop where I work for a local XC race about a month ago, entered the 3 hour solo category. 10 minutes before the start, went out for a brief warmup lap with my mate. Decided it would be a great idea to hit the jumps track on this bike I'd never ridden before and, feeling invincible I was doing a decent pace. I hit the last jump, landed crossed up and, while I managed to ride that out I lost the front end in the berm just afterwards and laid the bike down; the bike came away practically unscathed (gee was I glad about that!) but I lost a fair amount of bark from my forearm, calf and thigh on the gravel. Being first aid trained, I nipped back to our marquee, flushed out most of the gravel with a drink bottle and got my mate to patch it up, before jumping back on the bike and heading of for the race start.
Went alright in the race in the end, just felt like an idiot!

Also, got within a few minutes of finishing a commuter build I was working on for my sister, when I put in a bit much torque and stripped the thread of the rear bolt-on axle... dang. Called it a night and didn't touch the bike for a few weeks, then finally replaced the buggered axle today with a QR and finished the build.

 

[schred]

Installed new fork and drop-in headset, tightened up, lower bearing imploded. Thinking bearing was slightly crooked but it looked dead straight being pulled together. Installed a spare lower bearing I ordered at same time.

 

[Knuckles]

Have set fire to testicles, using above method. Only thing worse is welding in gumboots and dropping slag down them....

 

[Minlak]

Was hard facing the new slasher blades on the farm in my shorts sitting on a paint tin that was handy. (12 blades takes a while) Had a good old man spread going on and severely sun burnt the inside of my legs all the way to the crotch. Lucky I didnt have the holey undies on that day.