Funny stuff my kid says

Oddjob

Merry fucking Xmas to you assholes
My 4 year old has an old plastic Nokia phone she found in a drawer.
A couple of days ago she walks up to me, points it at my chest like a remote control and in a weird little robot voice says “Stop heart , stop heart”

wha??
You should have done it back to her "stop mouth, stop mouth".

I actually daydream of such a machine to use on my boys...

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk
 

fatboyonabike

Captain oblivious
My daughter is just rapidly approaching 3. Her mind is firing off like crazy so we are being hit is tantrums, “mine” and shouting. She is also becoming strangely German.

My quiet passive child who identified things as she got dressed like “that’s my nappy” has been replaced by a kicking, thrashing red faced terror screaming “das mein nappy”…
as long as she doesn't say "das mein kampf!"
 

DMan

shawly the least hangeriest guy on rotorburn
6yr old comes nearly crying and says 9yr old licked his hand then wiped it on his bed.
I replied "well you tried to wee between his legs while he was sitting on the toilet the other night and got it all over him".
He said yeh then laughed and walked away.
And this is one of the times I am actually glad I've only got sisters....:D
 

tubby74

Likes Bikes and Dirt
Im cooking breakfast, wife is in the backyard. 7 year old comes running down shouting mama mama. Can you get this booger out of my nose.
 

moorey

call me Mia
Not so much what he said, as what he told me...
Felix was at a dig and ride party for the last two days. The back of their house has a very steep, loose, very long hill. The kids dad said that anyone who could ride up with only putting a foot down once, won $100. Anyone who could do it without a dab got $500. Felix rode straight up without a dab, so the bloke offered double or nothing for a second time, he got up again.
Felix said the bloke immediately said ‘I’m not paying you!’ :rolleyes:
 

Litenbror

Eats Squid
Not so much what he said, as what he told me...
Felix was at a dig and ride party for the last two days. The back of their house has a very steep, loose, very long hill. The kids dad said that anyone who could ride up with only putting a foot down once, won $100. Anyone who could do it without a dab got $500. Felix rode straight up without a dab, so the bloke offered double or nothing for a second time, he got up again.
Felix said the bloke immediately said ‘I’m not paying you!’ :rolleyes:
It's a good lesson for Felix, make sure you see the money first otherwise they are full of shit.
 

creaky

XMAS Plumper
Just driving along quietly with the kids in the back when my girlfriends eldest (12) blurts out "i dont trust ducks".
Gotta love a kid whose on the spectrum.
My wife sure doesn’t trust ducks, or any other kind of bird really. Especially those dancing ones.
 
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