Funny stuff my kid says

creaky

XMAS Plumper
5yo son was grinding away on the bed then got up and went to take a piss in our bathroom. I’m in there and he looks up at me and says “look at my willy, it so big, it’s so fat”. He had this dodgy porn star tone in his voice.

I had to walk away from that one to have a giggle and tell the missus.
 

DMan

shawly the least hangeriest guy on rotorburn
5yo son was grinding away on the bed then got up and went to take a piss in our bathroom. I’m in there and he looks up at me and says “look at my willy, it so big, it’s so fat”. He had this dodgy porn star tone in his voice.

I had to walk away from that one to have a giggle and tell the missus.
Maybe you and the missus shouldn't watch any more porn together while he's still awake?
 

hellmansam

Likes Bikes and Dirt
Pelican post in the other section reminded me of one of the best things I've ever seen was a Japanese tourist at Monkey Mia trying to get close to a pelican for a photo, Mrs and I looking on as our 2 1/2 year old boy who was nearby watching with interest and cracked up laughing when the pelican mock charged and scared the crap out of the tourist.
 

stirk

Burner
@Cardy George Ha! That's funny!

My daughter just said to me...

Dad, my private parts beat like a heart.

Took a few moments for me to overcome a WTF moment before I realised she was referring to blood pulse, I hope....

Can't say I've been sitting watching TV and felt a pulse in my loins, guess what I'll be asking the missus when she's comes home!
 

sane

Likes Bikes and Dirt
Mrs and I were out the other night so threw a quick spanakopita in the oven before the babysitter rocked up. It’s one of those spiral ones so I slice it up like a pizza and plonk it down. My 12yo, who has just got her first phone, looks up and says, “yay, wifi”

351886
 

stirk

Burner
Mrs and I were out the other night so threw a quick spanakopita in the oven before the babysitter rocked up. It’s one of those spiral ones so I slice it up like a pizza and plonk it down. My 12yo, who has just got her first phone, looks up and says, “yay, wifi”

View attachment 351886
Haha, more like piefi!


Not so much a verbal funny but I close my son's door so the heat from the downstairs heater doesn't turn his room into the tropics. He prefers he door open and with conveniences attached!

353863
 

Switch

huskier headed gent
Not so much funny but super cute, I was on a video call with the family on Sunday night telling them I was staying on the mountain and my 2 year old goes Awwww Dad Nooo. I explain that the road is closed because of too much snow and a breakdown and he runs off and grabs his Tonka truck and goes "dig dig", he was all set to come and rescue me.
 

slowmick

38-39"
Miss 2.5 comes into our room at 5:15 this morning, wakes me up and says "Dad, i need paydoh".
Do you want a bottle darling? "Dad, i neeeeeed paydoh"
Cuddle? "Daaaaaad, paydoh!"
Someone was planning on making big numbers on the playdoh carrot production line today. I wish I was that motivated in the morning.
 

slowmick

38-39"
My daughter is just rapidly approaching 3. Her mind is firing off like crazy so we are being hit is tantrums, “mine” and shouting. She is also becoming strangely German.

My quiet passive child who identified things as she got dressed like “that’s my nappy” has been replaced by a kicking, thrashing red faced terror screaming “das mein nappy”…
 

Jpez

Down on the left!
T
My daughter is just rapidly approaching 3. Her mind is firing off like crazy so we are being hit is tantrums, “mine” and shouting. She is also becoming strangely German.

My quiet passive child who identified things as she got dressed like “that’s my nappy” has been replaced by a kicking, thrashing red faced terror screaming “das mein nappy”…
Thats funny. My four year old thinks she’s North Korean.

The other day at the park we’re playing amongst the trees and she says “This looks a forest in nth Korea!”
 

Jpez

Down on the left!
My 4 year old has an old plastic Nokia phone she found in a drawer.
A couple of days ago she walks up to me, points it at my chest like a remote control and in a weird little robot voice says “Stop heart , stop heart”

wha??
 
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