Optimum toilet strategy

[Plow King]

My opinion.

Check under seat for Spiders
Check floor for urine and wipe up (Only applicable during excretion of faecal matter)
Wipe Seat
Place toilet paper in bowl to prevent Splash-back

Any other strategies to minimise the chance of aquiring aids, pink eye, flu, ginger-vitis and broken limbs will be taken into concideration and will be added to the optimum strategy.

Input?

 

[Smacks]

You'd hate shitting at a bush doof...

Get in, get out, don't get trapped, don't think about it.

 

[Shredden]

- Flush regularly if dumping/wiping a large load, so as to avoid cloggage

 

[indica]

You'd hate shitting at a bush doof...

Get in, get out, don't get trapped, don't think about it.

I was at one of those in Goa once.... No toilets... watch out for land mines...

 

[rone]

Place toilet paper in bowl to prevent Splash-back

Don't put too much paper in there or the turd remains above water and stinks the khasi out.

 

[Norco Maniac]

drop some paper in. do NOT sit on the seat. use your riding *quads.







*think of this from a woman's perspective.

 

[crooker]

drop some paper in. do NOT sit on the seat. use your riding *quads.







*think of this from a woman's perspective.

HAhahaha, use those riding quads.. gold! ALWAYS use the quads when snappin the turtle head in public toilets

 

[Norco Maniac]

couldn't help myself. gold from my early childhood top 40

Redback on the Toilet Seat

 

[Nerf Herder]

You'd hate shitting at a bush doof...

Get in, get out, don't get trapped, don't think about it.

in addition: never look down ... don't think about the CHUD living down there (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller) ... shirt over nose optional, dependent on how long since your last shower.

BOT:
re: PK optimum strategy
Surely there has to be a fire in the hole step
and drop the seat cover before the :lever: ... minimise spread of said faecal matter to surrounding toothbrushes :sick:

 

[Plow King]

Fire in the hole strategy varies depending on how much you like the person.

Reverse Kanga position is deemed necessary in enemies toilets.

 

[Plow King]

Any tips for club/pub bathrooms covered in vomit are welcomed.

 

[Norco Maniac]

Any tips for club/pub bathrooms covered in vomit are welcomed.

see my previous post.

 

[RYDA]

Any tips for club/pub bathrooms covered in vomit are welcomed.

Poo before you leave the house.

 

[Plow King]

Both valid points. However what if one eats a shitty kebab and needs to sprint to the toilet.

Squat over urinal?

 

[Norco Maniac]

Both valid points. However what if one eats a shitty kebab and needs to sprint to the toilet.

Squat over urinal?

nope. your junk is in full view of all randoms, and your arse spray won't flush. /2 strikes.

 

[harmonix1234]

couldn't help myself. gold from my early childhood top 40

Redback on the Toilet Seat

Confession. Must be the pain killers.

When I was about 4 I had to sing this song at school assembly.
I got so scared of going to the toilet because of the redback spiders that I had to do stealth poos. In the garden, in the fireplace behind the bookshelf, on the roof.
It was only when Mum found the poo in the milo tin hidden in the linen cupboard that I had to address my issues.

I have never told anyone that story.

And now, I fear this is how I will be remembered.

 

[Norco Maniac]

And now, I fear this is how I will be remembered.

i lived in absolute dire fear of our pan toilet down the backyard path. the shame of wetting my bed and the beltings that followed were secondary to the fear of that pan and it's floaties!

 

[harmonix1234]

Ew pan toilet!

When I first moved to Mullum I was living with some Dj's and travellers that had all spent a few years in Goa living the life of charice and psy-trance, and I was shocked to find that they didn't use toilet paper in their modern western world homes.

At first I didn't really know what I was supposed to do with this small vessel of water next to the loo.

And even worse when you would go to visit someone and they would have the same setup!

I don't miss that at all.

Anyone who lives out Wilsons Creek will know just what I mean.

 

[Bjorn]

Confession. Must be the pain killers.

When I was about 4 I had to sing this song at school assembly.
I got so scared of going to the toilet because of the redback spiders that I had to do stealth poos. In the garden, in the fireplace behind the bookshelf, on the roof.
It was only when Mum found the poo in the milo tin hidden in the linen cupboard that I had to address my issues.

I have never told anyone that story.

And now, I fear this is how I will be remembered.

You should use drugs more often Harmonix, I'm loving this.
Could someone please explain how I put the groovy quote bubble in my sig?

For the perfect poo.
Walk into bush until desired view is found; dig hole (150mm to estimated top of poo); lower pants; squat using riding quads; poo; wipe ; raise pants; refill hole; wash hands with alcohol wash; smile; repeat tomorrow.

 

[Norco Maniac]

strangely enough, living in the bush, in a bus, no electricity, no running water and a hole in the ground with a pallet thrown on top (no walls or roof) for a loo didn't phase me. with baby twins and a 6yro stepson.

my kids learnt that no.1 was a weedkiller lol and no.2 was for the long drop. shame my parents weren't so enlightened when i was growing up, would have saved me a great deal of angst and the dunnycarters much labour.


long drops = no huge issue. pans with floaties within 10cm of your rear = Nightmare. Mr Hanky the Christmas Poo eat your heart out.