So...I live in Perth now?

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
As the title implies - I have moved to Perth. I should be here for a few months so would like some local knowledge please. I've landed in what I would call a suburban hell! like pure suburban sprawl...there isn't a cafe or pub, no even a bakery in this endless sea of houses and lawns! How the fuck do these people live? I'm used to living on Newcastle harbour, with a short ride to most of the good coffee/food/cocktails/entertainment my (ultra bogan) paradise has to offer. I also have easy access to variety of psuedo gravity riding, and if it isn't too taboo for a bike forum...some reasonable fishing.

I have spent about 4 or 5 weeks of the last year (actually the last 42 years) here so know a little bit about the place, but I am hoping to get a better hold on things. Surely the whole town isn't 2 hours and 20 years behind the east coast? Well obviously not the Qld part of the east coast. Anyway at some stage I'll be finished this isolation quarantine and in need of living.

Where is some good local riding? I've brought my transition scout and polygon trid zz, so not necessarily fill blown dh trails and certainly as little pedaling as possible. On a previous trip I found 2 small skate parks with small/awkward/poor diet jumps attached and I have heard of riding near Kalamunda.

Throw me some good cafe names while you're at it please? Will travel for coffee...because it is kind of an essential part of life. But food is also important sometimes. Fuck I'm already sick of cooking for myself again. At least at home I had a dishwasher to back me up.

What about the easy access local fishing? At home I tend to target the larger local specimens on offer, predominantly mulloway. I figure if I'm going to go and my catch a fish, I may as well go and not catch a big fish! But of the mood hits I'll fish in a bucket for clothes pegs...so I'm open minded.

FYI - I'm mostly solitary beast, so whilst any offer to show me around will be greatly appreciated I'll probably be evasive and difficult to lock in. No offence is intended.
 

Jpez

Down on the left!
@moorey’s BFF is Sam Hill. I’m sure Sam will take you under his wing knowing you’re not on Mooreys ignore list anymore.
 

Haakon

has an accommodating arse
The obvious question is why are you in Perth?

Surely Kings Park needs some trails cut. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind...
 

ausdb

Being who he is
Perths still a reasonably big place, what suburb are you going to be living in would help.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
@moorey’s BFF is Sam Hill. I’m sure Sam will take you under his wing knowing you’re not on Mooreys ignore list anymore.
Do you think he could take me for a drink? @Samhill not @moorey.

Ballajura...I see one side of the road is houses, the other side is...I'm not sure what the word is here in the west? At home I'd say apocalyptic waste land. It's sand and scattered shrubs. Also I believe the correct word is sprawl rather than big. Being from Newcastle I've seen a lot of sprawl! We specialise in it.

I will hand it to you cats though, the Elizabeth quay area was coming along nicely when I was last here and the afore mentioned Kings Park is very nice. I don't mind Scarborough either.
 
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ausdb

Being who he is
Do you think he could take me for a drink? @Samhill not @moorey.

Ballajura...I see one side of the road is houses, the other side is...I'm not sure what the word is here in the west? At home I'd say apocalyptic waste land. It's sand and scattered shrubs. Also I believe the correct word is sprawl rather than big. Being from Newcastle I've seen a lot of sprawl! We specialise in it.

I will hand it to you cats though, the Elizabeth quay area was coming along nicely when I was last here and the afore mentioned Kings Park is very nice. I don't mind Scarborough either.
Oh dear your SOL for good cafes around there, I work in Malaga the industrial estate below it and there's not a great deal there either.
Riding the goat farm at the bottom of Greenmount hill is probably your closest option otherwise around the camel farm at Kalamunda
 

downunderdallas

Likes Bikes and Dirt
Sounds like you should have shacked up in Freo which has all those things you are used to from Newcastle but a slightly more attractive harbour! When I get home from work will give you some more heads up but the main sanctioned trails are in Kalamunda.
 

ashes_mtb

Has preferences
Ballajura... you poor bastard.

Goat Farm has the big jumps you're probably looking for.

Kalamunda your other option and shuttles on Sundays. KMBC host night rides there most Thursdays if that's of interest.

If you're happy to travel further, Dwellingup has various trail options and more gravity orientated trails. I think Loose Riders may do shuttle days there too. About 1.5hr from Balla.

Collie, Margaret River and Pemberton are other notable towns with good trail networks.

Happy to catch up for a ride sometime if you enjoy rolling with slow fat men with no skills.
 

hifiandmtb

Sphincter beanie
The obvious question is why are you in Perth?
@pink poodle seems singularly disinterested in adding any detail whatsoever to the why/how/why/wtf questions.

I will assume running from the law. But that brings more puzzling questions - why announce your new location on a public forum?

I mostly want to know if @pink poodle sold his house in Newy but again I am not expecting any answers.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
Oh dear your SOL for good cafes around there, I work in Malaga the industrial estate below it and there's not a great deal there either.
Riding the goat farm at the bottom of Greenmount hill is probably your closest option otherwise around the camel farm at Kalamunda
Oh I know that already from previous visits. My ummmmm local guide seems to think there is a coffee roaster "near by", something I'll explore once I'm liberated from this incarceration. But there's a bus stop near by for a reasonable run into the city. I ridden around Malaga in a kind of aimless wandering.

Goat farm is high on the list of places to check out. Google maps makes it look like a large area. Got any suggestions of where one can find info/pics of the place?

It was a slip of the mouse.

Sam said no.
It is called a duel of the fates.
 

Flow-Rider

Burner
@pink poodle seems singularly disinterested in adding any detail whatsoever to the why/how/why/wtf questions.

I will assume running from the law. But that brings more puzzling questions - why announce your new location on a public forum?

I mostly want to know if @pink poodle sold his house in Newy but again I am not expecting any answers.
Withdrew 2 lots of super ?

Ballajura... you poor bastard.

Goat Farm has the big jumps you're probably looking for.

Kalamunda your other option and shuttles on Sundays. KMBC host night rides there most Thursdays if that's of interest.

If you're happy to travel further, Dwellingup has various trail options and more gravity orientated trails. I think Loose Riders may do shuttle days there too. About 1.5hr from Balla.

Collie, Margaret River and Pemberton are other notable towns with good trail networks.

Happy to catch up for a ride sometime if you enjoy rolling with slow fat men with no skills.
Margaret River is the go.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
Well if there's a bright centre to the universe you're on the planet it is farthest from.

I am sure that once I am out of the house and settle in a bit my time will change. 6 days of sitting around in isolation can be a little dull.

@pink poodle seems singularly disinterested in adding any detail whatsoever to the why/how/why/wtf questions.

I will assume running from the law. But that brings more puzzling questions - why announce your new location on a public forum?

I mostly want to know if @pink poodle sold his house in Newy but again I am not expecting any answers.
Sell my real estate holdings? In this market? No way! Plus I really like my house.

Why/how/wtf?
  • why? Reasons were sufficient to gain permission to enter the strictest border restrictions in Australia. But the circumstances aren't mine to share.
  • how? I flew over with Qantas after going through the application process.
  • wtf? I know right.
  • who? Me!
  • when? Ummmmm 2/8/20
  • where? Well I think that's in the title...wa, Perth, Ballajura, or Tatooine.
As for running from the law, I can't run for shit. Once at uni I was chased across the big carpark one night by a security guard. I was on a motorised scooter owned by a friend. We had been taking turns riding the scooter and towing each other on my skateboard around the campus for an hour or two. The guards were in their van. I raced across the carpark towards freedom and the end of their jurisdiction - the narrow walk way out to the streets...I could smell the freedom! Then a poorly timed bunny hop of aid scooter burried the front when into the gutter and I ate a lot of shit. The security guard leapt from his car and helped me to my feet despite my bloodied appearance. Then he recognised me, we had played basketball together for a few years. "Mate...I was just going to ask you to pack it away, we've been getting complaints about you two for weeks." Then I rode the scooter back to my mate's car and he didn't bring the scooter to uni again for ages and when he did I didn't want to ride it anymore.

I thought the question would be how the fuck did you get in?
The application process is really strict. I had to make a few submissions and provide quite a bit of info.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
Funnily enough, there used to be a (very illegal) DH track at Kings Park back in the day. It was super steep and ended across from the old Swan Brewery.
Oh damn!!! Remnants? Would clearly add value to the public amenity.
 
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