Star Wars, The Last Jedi

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
More *spoilers* than you can poke a dick at! Up front statement - I don't dislike this film for the same reasons I dislike the prequels. The prequels were moronic and stupid, all of which is perfectly represented by (but not isolated to) jarhead binks. I am not one of the many fans begging for a Batman or Logan style dark and gruesome film. I wanted a well told adventure story about space wizards with laser swords. This film was bad because it totally failed at doing what a film is supposed to do, that being tell an interesting story.

I was even liking this film at first, right up to the arrival of the alliance bombers...suddenly a strong opening became a painful and slow effort to create something suspenseful. You know what makes suspense not work? It certainly doesn't come from trying to jam a suspenseful moment in every 5 minutes.

@Dozer...are you forgetting all the force based telekinesis she does with Luke, and even a small amount with kylo? I'm pretty sure she made a reference to not being a good student in force awakens too.

You are right though! That was one of the most shitful moments in cinema that I have seen in a long long time. She looked like Mary Poppins for fuck's sake! Only going side ways and without an umbrella. With Carrie Fisher dying they really should've taken this opportunity to write out her character in a way that would have been appropriate to that character. Right up the front fighting the bad guys! What happens now? A quick mention in the opening scroll of the next film? Will she die of a broken heart? Will there be another abomination of CGI to keep her in long enough for an explosion? Will she somehow become a force ghost as well? Pffft...she should be a space iceberg. The only saving grace for this is that someone will no doubt edit in the space lock scene audio from 2001 "open the space lock Hal...". It isn't like she played any pivotal role post space walk anyway.

Fin and rose? Their whole side mission was moronic bullshit jammed in to pad the film out. It was unnecessary, didn't advance the plot or overall story, and was totally uninteresting. That I love you bull shit? Fuck off!!! I'd rather have seen him have a love scene with Admiral Ackbar!

Speaking of which...out like a pussy. Such a shame.

Not one single character in this new series is interesting. None. Not Poo, not Fin, Not Rey, Not Kylo, not Hux, and certainly not robo-balls. And Phasma? I really hope she is done. One of the worst characters they have created. That fight scene was stupid. I think they should have let Fin crash his (fuck those things were stupid) speeder into the mega-stupid-ram-battering-super-canon-doorbell. It would've been great if Hux killed Kylo and then his ship blew up! If Poo had have been sucked out of the hanger when his ship blew up. If the robot was fried after (I liked this bit) using his head as a switch board. If Rey got turned inside out by Snorkel. Kill them all! At least then you can start over. To me all the characters still feel like the 1 dimensional fodder that usually surrounds the main characters and end disappearing in a red misty explosion on some random beach. The acting is also really wooden. Maybe that is how acting is done now? Are they trying to capture that 1950s Hollywood style? Who knows.

One of the big things I disliked was the lack of use of Chewbacca. He just sits at the ship and waits? Fuck off. After all those years and the death of their buddy Han, he and Luke had nothing to talk about? Really??? Not even one night sitting around the fire eating roasted puffin-penguin and drinking fermented walrus blue juice while Rey is asleep?

I could rant for pages as there was sooooooooooo much o didn't like. Things I liked include:
- Help me obi wan kenobi. That was one of the best moments of the film.
- Luke throwing the light sabre away.
- Light speed attack! That was really cool. Shame I gave zero fuck's about the poorly scripted and wooden acted character. I would have loved if it was Poo that did it.
- Poo taking on Hux's ship solo.
- Luke vs Kylo, the whole thing. From the moment Luke appeared right through to him dying. I thought that was quite cool. I think it could have been strengthend by the film spending more time on Luke and Rey together prior to this rather than watching some cartoon about horse llama riding...at least that way it would make sense that he feels it is time for him to become one with the force and trust Rey to carry the torch.
- Snorkel dying. Good. He was a shit character. I think this should've been done differently but...good that it was done. I think it was a good call back to the way a sith apprentice would overthrow their master when the time was right to become the new sith master. I do think they should have not shown the Skywalker light sabre twitching before it happened, made it a total surprise.
- Yoda blowing up the tree.

That was about it. It was a long shit experience. I've seen all the others in cinema multiple times, even the ones that sucked really badly. I'm not sure I will bother with this one. It sucked a lot.



Why does everyone hate on Rogue 1 so much? It was mostly ok.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
Spoiler alert
Here’s the gap I can’t tolerate, Rey and Ren, fighting in the big ship, light sabre explodes, next minute Rey in mellenium falcon flying in to save the day. Not good enough.

That cruiser launch to light speed though, awesome.
Damn right! Can't the fucking Wookie fly his own space ship??? He should've just cruised in Solo (deliberate pun) firing all weapons...taken down a walker or two and either died or gone onto a little bit of a more elaborate flying battle. Fuck Rey could've even been there in support flying Snorkel's shuttle as examined in the film. But on the guns in the Falcon? Fuck off.

Agree with everything.. When I could see the code breaker journey sub plot coming I nearly yelled out 'No stop'; it will take fking ages to do that and I need a piss..
I went for a huge ride before the film and didn't rehydrate, deliberately. That run time..! This was the first film in ages I have made it through without a piss.

The take away theme for me from the film was reflective of modern society, in a deep way. A whole bunch of older baby boomer authorities were pushed aside so that insecure and uninformed millennials could take over and fuck up. With generation x nowhere to be seen. I'm hoping for a name change, the millennial falcon sounds sooooooooooo #trending!
 

Kerplunk

Likes Bikes and Dirt
What was with them creating a cgi version of the puppet they used for Yoda from the original series? Luke milking the tits of that animal and pole vault fishing?? Star wars is silly but this was just plain awful film making..
The Rey plot hole was ridiculous, sort of thing Michael Bay does when he can't figure out how to link two scenes together..
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
They Rey plot hole wasn't really that big, it was more deus ex machina. When Kylo was told she bailed in Snorkel's shuttle...Rey had told Chewie to lay low until she called him for back up. Seems easy enough, but...why bother with a slow and complicated space docking so she can change ships? The rebels are trapped and need fire power and shuttle space...2 ships guns blazing and a lot more storage for people to get in and bail. The entire film was littered with deus ex machina bullshit. It is lazy.

I fucking hated on the inclusion of those stupid ice salt crystal meth foxes. So fucking stupid! I would have been happier if the moon had shown Rey the key hole after a magic bird sang the secret to her...

And yes! The Skywalker daily life montage was stupid.
 

mik_git

Likes Bikes and Dirt
overall I liked it, much better than force awakins, but not anywhere near rogue one... there were things I didn't like about it, it was loooong and slow, the monaco thing was just dumb
but plot holes of dumbness for me:

So oooh there's only 1 code breaker in the whole entire flipping universe that can do it... I now where he is, but don't now his name or what he looks like or anything except for this incredibly super amazing fact about him, ugh... and then how did mumble stutter man know the rebel plan?

So... you have a big dreadnought with big guns. Do you a) destroy the rebel cruiser the rebels are fleeing to, thereby cutting off escape of any more rebels on the planet and pretty much killing all of them, or b) just shoot at the planet and maybe killing whoevers there (sensors should tell you noone) and let the rest escape...

So... some dude in an xwing has taken out all the turrets on your fancy dreadnought and here come the bombers, bombers not torpedo/missile boats but bombers that have to drop bombs, in space (where there's no gravity)...anyway here they come, the fighters can't take them out fast enough, whatever will we do... oh wait there;s half a dozen star destroyers here "protecting" us, and by protecting I mean doing absolutely nothing, get them to shoot down the bombers...

So... you're chasing the rebels, you can't catch them because these new star destroyers are apparently quite slow, but they aren't getting away, they're...just... there... out of reach. So close yet so far. Oh well we'll wait for them to run out of go and hope they don't do any shenanigans in the mean time. hang on, they're just fleeing,in a straight line, but even if they made a turn or two... get a few of those star destroyers, make them useful, jump to hyperspace half a klick up the road and just shoot the rebels in the face, job done.


I've seen all the films so many times now, force awakens I saw at the cinema twice, same with rogue one, this I really thought was OK, but I wont see it again till its out on dvd or whatever
 

stirk

Burner
Jebus poodle, didn't know you were the number 1 star wars fan!

Much anger in you, there is.

Possibly my most memorable moment of the film was the jump to light speed destroying the snorkles ship, a little kid in the cinema said "what just happened?" Much laughing and Yeahs! But that was some good space destruction there.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
Jebus poodle, didn't know you were the number 1 star wars fan!
Everyone has a litte nerd in them. Mine is naturally/tragically star wars.

Weren't they out fuel cause they filled the escape pod ships.. Good scene apart from that..
She must have kept just enough...what a genius! I loved the idea, but the rest of the "escape" script was fucking moronic. Lay out the plan. Execute the plan. Inspire the troops. Have them spend longer being hunted down on whatever planet is closest. It would've been much more interesting than Vice Admiral Bligh. Fuck they should've put her to sea in a little boat! Or better still have Poo Diaper do it in the last remaining x-wing and write his boring and uninteresting character out of the films. Inspire him with guilt (we can all relate to the power of guilt) for getting all the other fighters killed to blow up that dread(full) naught.
 

Dozer

Heavy machinery.
Staff member
Aside from the obvious stuff, the battles were bloody awesome, the X wing and Tie Fighter scenes chasing each other was brilliant.
 

John U

MTB Precision
Aside from the obvious stuff, the battles were bloody awesome, the X wing and Tie Fighter scenes chasing each other was brilliant.
No problems with all but 1 bomber being taken out in a couple of seconds then a full minute couldn’t take out the remaining one?
 

Calvin27

Eats Squid
I agree with poodle.
More *spoilers* than you can poke a dick at! Up front statement - I don't dislike this film for the same reasons I dislike the prequels. The prequels were moronic and stupid, all of which is perfectly represented by (but not isolated to) jarhead binks. I am not one of the many fans begging for a Batman or Logan style dark and gruesome film. I wanted a well told adventure story about space wizards with laser swords. This film was bad because it totally failed at doing what a film is supposed to do, that being tell an interesting story.

I was even liking this film at first, right up to the arrival of the alliance bombers...suddenly a strong opening became a painful and slow effort to create something suspenseful. You know what makes suspense not work? It certainly doesn't come from trying to jam a suspenseful moment in every 5 minutes.

@Dozer...are you forgetting all the force based telekinesis she does with Luke, and even a small amount with kylo? I'm pretty sure she made a reference to not being a good student in force awakens too.

You are right though! That was one of the most shitful moments in cinema that I have seen in a long long time. She looked like Mary Poppins for fuck's sake! Only going side ways and without an umbrella. With Carrie Fisher dying they really should've taken this opportunity to write out her character in a way that would have been appropriate to that character. Right up the front fighting the bad guys! What happens now? A quick mention in the opening scroll of the next film? Will she die of a broken heart? Will there be another abomination of CGI to keep her in long enough for an explosion? Will she somehow become a force ghost as well? Pffft...she should be a space iceberg. The only saving grace for this is that someone will no doubt edit in the space lock scene audio from 2001 "open the space lock Hal...". It isn't like she played any pivotal role post space walk anyway.

Fin and rose? Their whole side mission was moronic bullshit jammed in to pad the film out. It was unnecessary, didn't advance the plot or overall story, and was totally uninteresting. That I love you bull shit? Fuck off!!! I'd rather have seen him have a love scene with Admiral Ackbar!

Speaking of which...out like a pussy. Such a shame.

Not one single character in this new series is interesting. None. Not Poo, not Fin, Not Rey, Not Kylo, not Hux, and certainly not robo-balls. And Phasma? I really hope she is done. One of the worst characters they have created. That fight scene was stupid. I think they should have let Fin crash his (fuck those things were stupid) speeder into the mega-stupid-ram-battering-super-canon-doorbell. It would've been great if Hux killed Kylo and then his ship blew up! If Poo had have been sucked out of the hanger when his ship blew up. If the robot was fried after (I liked this bit) using his head as a switch board. If Rey got turned inside out by Snorkel. Kill them all! At least then you can start over. To me all the characters still feel like the 1 dimensional fodder that usually surrounds the main characters and end disappearing in a red misty explosion on some random beach. The acting is also really wooden. Maybe that is how acting is done now? Are they trying to capture that 1950s Hollywood style? Who knows.

One of the big things I disliked was the lack of use of Chewbacca. He just sits at the ship and waits? Fuck off. After all those years and the death of their buddy Han, he and Luke had nothing to talk about? Really??? Not even one night sitting around the fire eating roasted puffin-penguin and drinking fermented walrus blue juice while Rey is asleep?

I could rant for pages as there was sooooooooooo much o didn't like. Things I liked include:
- Help me obi wan kenobi. That was one of the best moments of the film.
- Luke throwing the light sabre away.
- Light speed attack! That was really cool. Shame I gave zero fuck's about the poorly scripted and wooden acted character. I would have loved if it was Poo that did it.
- Poo taking on Hux's ship solo.
- Luke vs Kylo, the whole thing. From the moment Luke appeared right through to him dying. I thought that was quite cool. I think it could have been strengthend by the film spending more time on Luke and Rey together prior to this rather than watching some cartoon about horse llama riding...at least that way it would make sense that he feels it is time for him to become one with the force and trust Rey to carry the torch.
- Snorkel dying. Good. He was a shit character. I think this should've been done differently but...good that it was done. I think it was a good call back to the way a sith apprentice would overthrow their master when the time was right to become the new sith master. I do think they should have not shown the Skywalker light sabre twitching before it happened, made it a total surprise.
- Yoda blowing up the tree.

That was about it. It was a long shit experience. I've seen all the others in cinema multiple times, even the ones that sucked really badly. I'm not sure I will bother with this one. It sucked a lot.



Why does everyone hate on Rogue 1 so much? It was mostly ok.
I quoted the whole thing because I agree with all of it.

I'll add:
- Rei is just so bloody tense the whole time. She is not darth vader and doesn't need to be so serious all the time.
- Leia should have been the one to stay on the ship and lightspeed into the other one. A much better ending.
- Chewy needs a buddy. Could be Fynn but he was too busy on a side quest that was rubbish.
- Character building is poor. Piss poor.
- Too much action. A good part of the 4-6 films was there was a lot of 'down time'. Ben explaining stuff luke learning the light saber.
- Not enough, or nearly no planet experience. The casino royale wasn't really what I was after. I want to feel like wtf when I see someone like jabba and his crew on tatoine.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
I agree with poodle.[/SIZE]


I quoted the whole thing because I agree with all of it.

I'll add:
- Rei is just so bloody tense the whole time. She is not darth vader and doesn't need to be so serious all the time.


I agree with Poodle too. I think the serious up tight Rey is a result of nerdy dudes trying to write script for a female character. She should be vulnerable and insecure, with a healthy dose of eagerness. This is a child slave from a dessert planet. How does she know how to fucking swim?????????????!!!!!!!!! Or fly all the space ships or speak all those different languages and a lot of other stuff too. Why did she need to tell Luke what Chewie says? It was even a bit of a fuck up in OG star wars that Luke was somehow instantly an awesome interplanetary fighter pilot, but didn't seem to know much about jumping to hyper space when they left Tatooine. "travelling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops boy."

She is once again a flat and disappointing character.
 

Calvin27

Eats Squid
I think the serious up tight Rey is a result of nerdy dudes trying to write script for a female character. She should be vulnerable and insecure, with a healthy dose of eagerness.
I'd have written her with a super healthy dose of curiosity and inquisitive persona. You could paint her as a real innocent force user who has to fight the dark side, not for historic reasons but because she is curious. I rekon the real life person could do with some training as well (or maybe more liberal use of body double?). Her movement is terrible. However not as terrible as the choreographed fight between kylo and luke. Facepalm.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
I enjoyed that fight scene. I felt it contained an interesting balance between the fight scenes in original and prequels. My favourite fight scene, actually favourite scene full stop, from all star wars is kenobi vs vader in ep4. The prequel fight scene were ridiculous unwatchable jokes. Some of them were like looking out over a field of ecstacy filled rave attenders holding glow sticks. This kylo vs Luke fight was restrained in light sabre excesses and acrobatic stupidity, while still having a enough to be exciting. I loved the way it finished, though felt it would have fitted Luke's character in the film if he had toyed with kylo a little more.

I would add though that some of the movements did get a little too matrix for my liking. Fuck I hated the matrix.

The light sabre fighting I thought was stupid was Rey and Kylo vs the guards. How fucking moronic the was!!! I did not enjoy one single moment in that sequence of action. It looked stupid. It also made the force seem weak.
 

Calvin27

Eats Squid
I enjoyed that fight scene. I felt it contained an interesting balance between the fight scenes in original and prequels. My favourite fight scene, actually favourite scene full stop, from all star wars is kenobi vs vader in ep4. The prequel fight scene were ridiculous unwatchable jokes.
Come on. There was such a huge awwwwe when yoda cut sick at the sith lord. It was like the force beat dropped and his LSD kicked in.

And you can't hate Darth Maul. He saved the prequel franchise from being an absolute wreck.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
Come on. There was such a huge awwwwe when yoda cut sick at the sith lord. It was like the force beat dropped and his LSD kicked in.

And you can't hate Darth Maul. He saved the prequel franchise from being an absolute wreck.
Darth Maul sucked. He could and should have been amazing. Sadly he was so poorly used that he ended up sucking. That fight scene is a good one, by prequel standards, but...way too long, way over the top, way too much stunts, way too much calamity, and it ends up looking silly. I did like when Maul and Kenobi are separated by the shield door post Jinn's fatal wound.

Yoda's fighting didn't impress me. Again it was just too ridiculous and comic book in its implementation. I didn't mind that he was agile despite always hobbling around, it was just over done.

Remember kids...if you constantly saw the shark in Jaws, the shark wouldn't have been scary.
 

John U

MTB Precision
I like the Rey character.

Poe - I liked the interaction at the start, but his character hasn’t been built. It is shallow. He is there for action figure sales.
Phasma - what’s the point. What has been done by this character that could not have been done better by an unnamed character. She is there for action figure sales.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
I saw something the other day saying Spielberg had been considered for directing one of the newer films. That could have been quite interesting. He would be one of the few directors that has experience making adventure films that people of all ages can enjoy that don't suck. But he would likely be too close to Lucas to be offered, and would likely turn down the offer anyway.

With the huge success of TV shows like game of thrones, walking dead, and breaking bad plus Disney's hunger for profits I wouldn't be too surprised if we saw a TV series turn up. I think it could facilitate a much stronger story telling than currently being achieved.
 

Calvin27

Eats Squid
With the huge success of TV shows like game of thrones, walking dead, and breaking bad plus Disney's hunger for profits I wouldn't be too surprised if we saw a TV series turn up. I think it could facilitate a much stronger story telling than currently being achieved.
The animated series was quite good. *where is the behind sofa thing again?
 
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