Women, etc.

[S.]

Update: spoke with her after class, went and got drinks, we had enough in common that conversation wasn't too awkward and I got her number. Now to negotiate the friendship minefield.

Congrats man, that's a great start. But from here it's not a minefield, just don't fuck around - you need to develop ATTRACTION from her at the same time as making it clear that you're not after a friend, by actually making a move (you've already done this to some degree by getting her number - she wouldn't have given this to you if she didn't consider you to be at least potentially attractive).

It seems like a lot of guys don't really "get" the order of events that needs to happen here:
1. Meet girl. Obviously.
2. Attract girl by being confident, masculine, cheerful and LEADING the interaction (eg "Let's go get ice cream" instead of "Do you want to get ice cream?" - avoid asking her to make decisions). This has to happen EARLY on or it doesn't happen at all. A girl who likes you but isn't attracted to you is JUST A FRIEND.
3. Show a little bit of romantic/sexual interest in the girl (never more than what she's shown in you - if she's shown none than you should also show none!). Showing too much interest before you've attracted her makes you seem too easy/boring/needy/whatever and generally puts her off.
4. Make a move. Physically escalate the interaction by playfully pushing her away if she says something silly, make sure to TOUCH HER as early in the interaction as possible (even if that just means greeting her with a hug or a kiss on the cheek). I can't stress enough how important that is! If you leave it 3hrs before you touch her at all it's just going to seem weird as hell when you do, so get some form of physical contact happening from the minute you meet her. This doesn't mean that you need to be slapping her arse or trying to shove your tongue down her throat within 5 seconds of meeting her, or that you need to be trying to get her into bed, but if a girl isn't comfortable with you physically touching her, you're going nowhere. A high-five is a perfectly inoffensive start.
5. Don't be a pussy. Lead the way, if you fuck something up just make a joke of it and laugh it off. Don't be afraid to disagree with her (in fact this is a good thing as long as you don't go overboard with it) or tease her, as long as it's all cheerful and light-hearted it's fine.

Best of luck!

 

[johnripper1987]

Congrats man, that's a great start. But from here it's not a minefield, just don't fuck around - you need to develop ATTRACTION from her at the same time as making it clear that you're not after a friend, by actually making a move (you've already done this to some degree by getting her number - she wouldn't have given this to you if she didn't consider you to be at least potentially attractive).

It seems like a lot of guys don't really "get" the order of events that needs to happen here:
1. Meet girl. Obviously.
2. Attract girl by being confident, masculine, cheerful and LEADING the interaction (eg "Let's go get ice cream" instead of "Do you want to get ice cream?" - avoid asking her to make decisions). This has to happen EARLY on or it doesn't happen at all. A girl who likes you but isn't attracted to you is JUST A FRIEND.
3. Show a little bit of romantic/sexual interest in the girl (never more than what she's shown in you - if she's shown none than you should also show none!). Showing too much interest before you've attracted her makes you seem too easy/boring/needy/whatever and generally puts her off.
4. Make a move. Physically escalate the interaction by playfully pushing her away if she says something silly, make sure to TOUCH HER as early in the interaction as possible (even if that just means greeting her with a hug or a kiss on the cheek). I can't stress enough how important that is! If you leave it 3hrs before you touch her at all it's just going to seem weird as hell when you do, so get some form of physical contact happening from the minute you meet her. This doesn't mean that you need to be slapping her arse or trying to shove your tongue down her throat within 5 seconds of meeting her, or that you need to be trying to get her into bed, but if a girl isn't comfortable with you physically touching her, you're going nowhere. A high-five is a perfectly inoffensive start.
5. Don't be a pussy. Lead the way, if you fuck something up just make a joke of it and laugh it off. Don't be afraid to disagree with her (in fact this is a good thing as long as you don't go overboard with it) or tease her, as long as it's all cheerful and light-hearted it's fine.

Best of luck!

That's good tips man. Really good I mean.

 

[Registered Nutcase]

at what point should Isomeone break up with a girl?

I have been dating my gf for 6ish years and just so over her, how should I gauge if it is a temperory thing or perminant?

Forgive the spelling!

 

[stringbean]

i dont think anyone can give you a right or wrong answer, we know nothing about you or your situation. close friends would probably be the one's to talk about this with, man.

 

[S.]

at what point should Isomeone break up with a girl?

I have been dating my gf for 6ish years and just so over her, how should I gauge if it is a temperory thing or perminant?

Forgive the spelling!

Lend her to me and I'll be the judge?

 

[for those about to rock]

Best of luck!

Why, for the love of God, didn't you post these a month or two ago!?

 

[Morgan123]

i dont think anyone can give you a right or wrong answer, we know nothing about you or your situation. close friends would probably be the one's to talk about this with, man.

This, your friends will have the best answer probably more so then you.

 

[kemmis]

First time posting in this thread. Got dumped 2 weeks ago, girlfriend of 2 years, over the phone, pretty rough go. We never fought or anything completely out of the blue on my end but I am doing pretty good, realised its better to have happened now then 5 years down the track. Anyway reading your posts have cheered me up and put things into perspective, wanted to say cheers lads, you guys are awesome.

 

[Mywifesirrational]

at what point should Isomeone break up with a girl?

I have been dating my gf for 6ish years and just so over her, how should I gauge if it is a temperory thing or perminant?

Forgive the spelling!

You know she's the right one if she throws your bike out by accident or smashes your car and you can forgive her.

None of them are perfect, if you still like spending time with her after 6 years and you see more good things in her than bad, she's the right one.

It's normal to get a bit sick of the Mrs now and then, I certainly get sick of mine occasionally and she's the low maintenance sort, spend some time apart (BUT - don't tell her that, she'll freakout) that's always good for a relationship.

 

[Xavo.au]

First time posting in this thread. Got dumped 2 weeks ago, girlfriend of 2 years, over the phone, pretty rough go. We never fought or anything completely out of the blue on my end but I am doing pretty good, realised its better to have happened now then 5 years down the track. Anyway reading your posts have cheered me up and put things into perspective, wanted to say cheers lads, you guys are awesome.

Farrrk, that's rough mate.

Chin up and look to the future - you now have more time to ride!

 

[Rendog]

you now have more time to ride!

Every woman you can find!

 

[Morgan123]

First time posting in this thread. Got dumped 2 weeks ago, girlfriend of 2 years, over the phone, pretty rough go. We never fought or anything completely out of the blue on my end but I am doing pretty good, realised its better to have happened now then 5 years down the track. Anyway reading your posts have cheered me up and put things into perspective, wanted to say cheers lads, you guys are awesome.

That sucks mate, out of the blue is always the toughest. Plenty more out there, try get back in touch with the world aka friends you mightve left behind.

 

[ajay]

Congrats man, that's a great start. But from here it's not a minefield, just don't fuck around - you need to develop ATTRACTION from her at the same time as making it clear that you're not after a friend, by actually making a move (you've already done this to some degree by getting her number - she wouldn't have given this to you if she didn't consider you to be at least potentially attractive).

It seems like a lot of guys don't really "get" the order of events that needs to happen here:
1. Meet girl. Obviously.
2. Attract girl by being confident, masculine, cheerful and LEADING the interaction (eg "Let's go get ice cream" instead of "Do you want to get ice cream?" - avoid asking her to make decisions). This has to happen EARLY on or it doesn't happen at all. A girl who likes you but isn't attracted to you is JUST A FRIEND.
3. Show a little bit of romantic/sexual interest in the girl (never more than what she's shown in you - if she's shown none than you should also show none!). Showing too much interest before you've attracted her makes you seem too easy/boring/needy/whatever and generally puts her off.
4. Make a move. Physically escalate the interaction by playfully pushing her away if she says something silly, make sure to TOUCH HER as early in the interaction as possible (even if that just means greeting her with a hug or a kiss on the cheek). I can't stress enough how important that is! If you leave it 3hrs before you touch her at all it's just going to seem weird as hell when you do, so get some form of physical contact happening from the minute you meet her. This doesn't mean that you need to be slapping her arse or trying to shove your tongue down her throat within 5 seconds of meeting her, or that you need to be trying to get her into bed, but if a girl isn't comfortable with you physically touching her, you're going nowhere. A high-five is a perfectly inoffensive start.
5. Don't be a pussy. Lead the way, if you fuck something up just make a joke of it and laugh it off. Don't be afraid to disagree with her (in fact this is a good thing as long as you don't go overboard with it) or tease her, as long as it's all cheerful and light-hearted it's fine.

Best of luck!

Hahaha you should take a page from your own book man, You seem to do step 1 pretty well, a good mix of 2 & 3, then... well... your custom title speaks volumes!

 

[Elbo]

Woah! Awesome start dude!! Just remember what I said, don't come on too keen and desperate, but at the same time don't fuck around for too long cause that's how you friendzone yourself

Congrats man, that's a great start. But from here it's not a minefield, just don't fuck around - you need to develop ATTRACTION from her at the same time as making it clear that you're not after a friend, by actually making a move (you've already done this to some degree by getting her number - she wouldn't have given this to you if she didn't consider you to be at least potentially attractive).
snip

Thanks guys. Great advice S. Will give it a shot and see how I go. I think I'm learning more with each attempt anyway

 

[kemmis]

cheers hahahah. exactly right . I gotta admit I have been pretty damn happy to just do what i want and put myself first for a bit. back into riding so i am doing well.

 

[ajay]

cheers hahahah. exactly right . I gotta admit I have been pretty damn happy to just do what i want and put myself first for a bit. back into riding so i am doing well.

Just try to keep focused on that, it's all to easy (for me anyway) to bury yourself in a deep.hole...

 

[downhillar]

I remember someone posting on here ages ago a plan to get over a breakup. It was this 6 week thing where you just picked a new sport/old hobby/ etc whatever you want, and for 6 weeks you dedicate all your free time to learning about it, doing it, getting better at it and by the end of the 6 weeks you're supposed to have moved on. I don't know how well it works but it sounds pretty good, could be worth a try..

 

[S.]

Just try to keep focused on that, it's all to easy (for me anyway) to bury yourself in a deep.hole...

In your case, a loose hole!

 

[Mattydv]

I remember someone posting on here ages ago a plan to get over a breakup. It was this 6 week thing where you just picked a new sport/old hobby/ etc whatever you want, and for 6 weeks you dedicate all your free time to learning about it, doing it, getting better at it and by the end of the 6 weeks you're supposed to have moved on. I don't know how well it works but it sounds pretty good, could be worth a try..

Dunno about the 6 week thing, but I thought it was POSM that posted a bit of getting-over-a-breakup, but a search a week or so ago didn't work for me.

 

[kemmis]

family and friends have been wicked so its making it alot easier, just staying positive and having fun.. lol at the loose hole call.