Women, etc.

Elbo

pesky scooter kids git off ma lawn
How old are you? I may not be the best source of info on the contemporary dating scene, I've been with my wife over for over 20 loooooong years, but buy observing the young folk at work, it seems the average attention span of 20 somethings is about 30 seconds. Even or receptionist, who married her boyfriend of 2 years at 21 was divorced after 6 months. I think tinder and the like IS the problem, free meal...swipe...next free meal. 5 or 6 dates from tinder seems like a long term relationship.

I don't really have an alternative for you, I've a sneaking suspicion that they're fishing for the next one, during your dates....tried Ashley Madison?
I think you're probably right Knuckles. I'm looking in the wrong place for what I'm after. I'm 27 and didn't think it was old fashioned to ask for some sort of indication of commitment after seeing each other for 1 or 2 months, but I was certainly made to feel old fashioned in the end.
 

Wellsey

Likes Bikes and Dirt
I think you're probably right Knuckles. I'm looking in the wrong place for what I'm after. I'm 27 and didn't think it was old fashioned to ask for some sort of indication of commitment after seeing each other for 1 or 2 months, but I was certainly made to feel old fashioned in the end.
Dude, if you're fishing in the Tinder pool as a guy, and YOU'RE getting a date a week, those girls you're seeing are getting half a dozen dates a week, so you're going to be pretty lucky to get something exclusive that fast.

Tinder is purely for hook ups, I don't think it pretends anything else.
 

stirk

Burner
I thought tinder was just for hooking up a root so perhaps limiting your long term options there.

Tried grnder?


I've found when not looking for a girlfriend one finds me because your not on the hunt looking needy, so stop looking and see what comes across your path. See a lady your attracted too and if she checks you out too go and have a chat and maybe ask for a date if the chat goes down well. This is how we did it before apps handed it to you on a platter, real life tinder man, saves going on really arkward dates too.
 

DMan

shawly the least hangeriest guy on rotorburn
I thought tinder was just for hooking up a root so perhaps limiting your long term options there.

Tried grnder?


I've found when not looking for a girlfriend one finds me because your not on the hunt looking needy, so stop looking and see what comes across your path. See a lady your attracted too and if she checks you out too go and have a chat and maybe ask for a date if the chat goes down well. This is how we did it before apps handed it to you on a platter, real life tinder man, saves going on really arkward dates too.
I'm with Stirk. Well maybe not the Grinder bit. Tinder is for hookups. You think you've got it tough at least you're in a high population area where you can get a couple of dates a week. My mate was on Tinder and we're rural. No dates at all....
I've always found too when you stop looking I think your "aura" of desperation seems to diminish and you'll have a better chance of finding something strong. Probably because you seem more natural and yourself. But all the sites are similiar when all you have to do today is "swipe" and move on to the rest. Don't give up though bro. When I relaxed and took the site I was on for what it was, an introduction, I met my lady. She's awesome and it's been a year. I'm with you though. After 5 or 6 dates, or a couple of months whichever came first, I'd like to be exclusive. If she doesn't then let it go.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
This thread kinda got buried, but thought I'd bring it back with a bit of an update.

Been dating a lot over the last 6 months, mostly through Tinder (this might be my problem… but, I digress). Been going on dates at least once a week, occassionally twice a week. Out of those I've had a couple of excellent dates, some good ones and some bad ones. I went on a date with a 38 year old woman because I thought it would be fun, and it was, and I had a trial by fire experience when a girl invited me to her work drinks as a first date (didn't realise it was a proper function until I turned up and had to meet and talk with everyone). I've definitely broadened my comfort zone and feel a lot more confident in the dating scene, but I'm also getting real tired of doing the 1st or 2nd dates and things going nowhere.

I had a few good leads, but they ended up going nowhere. The latest, and most recently ended, we actually decided to be bf/gf but then she changed her mind after a week saying that I surprised her and 'we didn't have enough in common.' The one before that, we went on 5 or 6 dates, but she was very hot/cold and going through some shit, so I cut it off.

Is it too much to ask for some sort of commitment/to be exclusive after 5 dates/1-2months dating?! Am I sabotaging things by only selecting from the Tinder pool, or is that just the way it goes these days? I don't think it's too much to go on 5 dates with someone and have an idea of whether or not you want to continue seeing them exclusively.

I'm back out there anyway, went to a gig with a girl last weekend and had a great time, but didn't feel like anything special. Maybe I should have a break and focus on my own stuff.
I currently spend my days surrounded by 18-25 year olds. Given my age and charisma (you know grizzly old pervert) i seem to have become some kind of life coach (cause you know...the dude in his late 30s working in a cafe is obviously a life genius! Get on the success wagon kids...).

Anyway it seems there is very clearly a divide between the tinder style skirts up heads down school of dating and a desire for something genuine. I agree - You're looking in the wrong place. But I hear plenty of "why won't anybody be my bf?" kind of shit from both camps, so maybe I'm wrong. Broaden your social circle, get amongst it, meet people in the flesh...Tinder makes it too easy to just swipe up more options and depersonalises the process of.meeting someone.





Or treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen...swipe your brains out and rubber up!
 

0psi

Eats Squid
So I'm at a crossroads in my relationship and get some advice from the collective (ahem) wisdom of Rotorburn.

I've been with my missus for nearly 5 years now and I've recently started to notice that we are very different people. Had one of the best weekends I've had in a long time a few months back, rock climbing, riding bikes, diving, general awesomeness and the missus didn't feature in any of it. She doesn't have any real hobbies to speak of and I have so much sporting/outdoor gear it takes up an entire room and then some, if it looks like fun I'll give it a go, she's happy watching TV or hanging out with friends. I'm captain spontaneous and it's just effort to her. I've tried to include her in my hobbies, bought her running gear, a mountain bike, rock climbing gear (most of which I've since given to a girl at work but more on that later) none of which has ever been used.
It's always the same story too, "Want to come climbing honey?" "Yeah I'll give it a go and see if I like it." Never happens.

To add a spanner to the works I've become quite friendly with a girl at work (just friends) who climbs and is generally an adventurous type and I seem to be making more plans with her than my missus. Great example is she recently discovered the Avon descent, a 140something Km kayak race, despite neither of us having any real paddling experience there's a fairly good chance we'll be doing it next year. Seems like a challenge and an adventure, why not. Not something my missus would even consider doing. I also go running with said girl from work once a week, it's lovely, lost track of the number of times I've asked my missus if she wants to come for a run with me.

Now my missus is a genuinely lovely person but is that enough in the long term? Or will the fact that we are inherently different people be our demise in the end?

Update.

It took 6 f**king years but I finally grew a set and did what I said I would.

In hindsight life would have been much easier if I'd actually done this back then. Walking away from something after 11 years seems way more difficult.
 

DMan

shawly the least hangeriest guy on rotorburn
Update.

It took 6 f**king years but I finally grew a set and did what I said I would.

In hindsight life would have been much easier if I'd actually done this back then. Walking away from something after 11 years seems way more difficult.
Main thing is you did it. Now just enjoy your freedom for a bit and live life.
 

ForkinGreat

Knows his Brassica oleracea
Many things but basically I'm just a little bitch who couldn't sack up and have a difficult conversation.
be that as it may or may not be, perhaps you won't repeat that relationship lesson... Go forth and live your life! :)
 

DMan

shawly the least hangeriest guy on rotorburn
Many things but basically I'm just a little bitch who couldn't sack up and have a difficult conversation.
Not easy but you've done it! Don't regret the time you had with her just learn from it and move on. Whole new world out there and the right lady is waiting. I found mine eventually after separating and it's been over 3years now of greatness.
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
Not easy but you've done it! Don't regret the time you had with her just learn from it and move on. Whole new world out there and the right lady is waiting. I found mine eventually after separating and it's been over 3years now of greatness.
Ladies...ladies is the plural you're looking for there @DMan
 

DMan

shawly the least hangeriest guy on rotorburn
True Poodles. Maybe just not at the same time. Unless they're cool with that...

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
 

0psi

Eats Squid
So a wee bump in this thread seeing as I find myself at a weird point in life.

After a few years of being single with a little fling here and there I've met someone who actually seems really cool but. . . Any tips for dealing with the stupid shit that goes on in your head?

So one of my little flings was I got drunk and ended sleeping with one of my best mates which resulted in fucking up a perfectly good friendship. Now I really like hanging out with this chick I'm seeing. We have have some great conversations, she teaches me things, makes me laugh, is easy going and we do things together.
Something that was very much lacking in previous relationships was being able to share the things that are special to me. I've always felt like I've had to babysit previous partners when they've joined me in activities which somewhat detracted from my enjoyment. I've been diving and hiking with her and felt she was completely capable. In fact the hike was her first overnight hike which was while we were still friends and it was fucking rad.

So the friendship side of things is solid but she is also ridiculously attractive, extremely sweet and caring, we seem to be on the same page with the important things but still have differing opinion and debates about less important things and she wants all the same things as me in the bedroom. Seems pretty solid.

Buuuut. My brain keeps telling me to abort mission because I'm afraid of once again losing someone I really like spending time with. I figure it's almost impossible to ruin a platonic friendship but romantic relationships fail all the time. And if we abort now it would probably be easier to just be mates. The other factor is I've never truely believed that 'my person' exists so I always feel like there's an expiry date on these things.

Any words of wisdom? Help strangers of the internet!
 

Ultra Lord

Hurts. Requires Money. And is nerdy.
Fuck it, make it a thing. Having a partner is awesome, having a partner who is your best friend is even better.
The positives outweigh the risk of it falling apart IMO.
If it does fail, it’s going to hurt. But, you gave it a red hot go and didn’t sit around worrying about “what ifs” and let it pass by.

Or don’t listen to me, I’m still coming down from my last relationship and hate this empty lonely feeling so when people are umming and ahhing I reel off the “lifes a bitch find happiness where you can and share it” spiel.

I don’t regret having that relationship. The risk was worth it, even though it all failed and cost me alot of time, heartache and money. 5/7 would do again.
 
Top