Domestic violence, what would you do

[limeyfingers]

Just went to the shop and saw a bit of a barney going on, fair enough just an argument between a couple. Fast forward 5 minutes and I walk out to see old matey dragging the missus around by the hair, yep time to intervene, words and threats are exchanged but commonsense prevailed and old matey fucked off (common thing with these heroes) none of this really fazed me but get this, 10+ people were watching the show many largish males. My question is why would you let this shit happen. One intervention can help, if you arnt big enough grab something to whack these pricks. Shall word my feelings better when cooled down so sorry if it makes no sense

 

[pink poodle]

That is some crazy shit to see happen. You've done the right thing, though a citizen's arrest would have been gold. I don't like that people will just stand and watch pretending they don't see it.

I recently "intervened" in a similar scenario (no physical violence, but the dude was being a pure cock)...all it took was a firm voice from a safe distance while on my bike. "She's had enough of your shit mate, time you fucked off." I knew if things went bad I had an easy escape, so not particularly heroic. The dude mumbled something and stormed off into the darkness. Hopefully to cool down.

 

[stirk]

There is a common thought that intervening makes it worse for the victim later when they are back in their private domain, the guy will be more pissed off and really hurt her more. I think if the intervention is done in a calm manner to try and make the aggressor not as angry as they currently are and hopefully more reasonable from that point on then you have done a good thing.

Regardless, I think the fact you acted and made it known that the shit the guy was doing is wrong is a good thing. The idiot might actually think about it next time and the watchers may act themselves next time.

 

[pink poodle]

I can kind of see the theory behind that "the tough guy made me feel weak, I need to feel strong again..." ? Domestic violence is a pretty complex shameful taboo. Is there sufficient evidence to support any truth of this theory?




Or should we just employ a roaming gang of vigilantes for each LGA that patrol and enforce the zero tolerance policy?

 

[DJninja]

There is a common thought that intervening makes it worse for the victim later when they are back in their private domain, the guy will be more pissed off and really hurt her more. I think if the intervention is done in a calm manner to try and make the aggressor not as angry as they currently are and hopefully more reasonable from that point on then you have done a good thing.

Regardless, I think the fact you acted and made it known that the shit the guy was doing is wrong is a good thing. The idiot might actually think about it next time and the watchers may act themselves next time.

I agree with the first point and you've said it better than I would of. One anecdote; lady and ex meet in public place, happenstance, the lady is annoying and provocative to the male, male tries to leave, his grandma is driving with a car full of kids, he can't legally fit in the car, walks off, she follows, later on she sais that he hit her, police arrive just out of coincidence and she legs it. I don't know enough to decide why she ran away or if he did actually hit her. Domestic violence is just fucked up and getting involved, who knows what can happen. I witnessed this about a week ago.

I'll bite my tongue for fear of feminism's rath.

 

[limeyfingers]

I can kind of see the theory behind that "the tough guy made me feel weak, I need to feel strong again..." ? Domestic violence is a pretty complex shameful taboo. Is there sufficient evidence to support any truth of this theory?I recon it would make no dif, if they do that in public do you think its not already happening at home. Also I am only assuming it was a couple but I'm not really sure, it may well have been a stranger,the woman may well have been your family member, sister or such. It wasn't the asshole doing the shit that bothered me it was the fact that so many just watched on. Would you not want somebody to help your mum, sister ect. Would you not feel guilty if that person killed her. Inaction allows this to happen




Or should we just employ a roaming gang of vigilantes for each LGA that patrol and enforce the zero tolerance policy?

Yeah I recon zero tolerance to inaction

 

[pink poodle]

Funny thing...

I had Indian for dinner (approx 30 minutes ago). While dining the restaurant was playing Indian music videos. I find these to be a bit over stimulating! Beautiful women, bright colours, hypnotic dancing, beautiful men, so on and so forth. But on comes a song that seemed to be speaking out about violence against women. Video clip contains a bunch of scenes where the singer sees women being picked on by dudes and he soothes the situation and escorts the women to safety. It features 1 very impressive chuck norris front kick and 1 fellow being slapped repeatedly in the market place. And lots of the singer in the desert with his pimped ride warning everyone to wise up.

 

[scblack]

One thing to think of. I'd hate to see a woman hurt in any way and a bloke who does that is the lowest of the low.

But how many times have you heard of the Good Samaritan being turned on by the bloke AND the victim? And being badly injured by them? Quite often.

 

[limeyfingers]

That movie sounds the way it should be, by the way I am only assuming it was a couple but I'm not really sure, it may well have been a stranger, your mum or sister. Would you not want somebody to help your mum or sister if this was happening to them. I'm not talking he said she said, I'm talking actual violence

 

[ForkinGreat]

One thing to think of. I'd hate to see a woman hurt in any way and a bloke who does that is the lowest of the low.

But how many times have you heard of the Good Samaritan being turned on by the bloke AND the victim? And being badly injured by them? Quite often.

That is one of the weirder and more fucked up aspects of what is already extremely fucked up.

I have done some shifts in a helpline callcentre, and that was a common theme. even over the phone, the victim would often jump to the defence of the aggressor if you suggested to them that the aggressor's actions were not appropriate at all.

Kind of reminds me of Stockholm syndrome. People make no sense at times...

 

[Flow-Rider]

I went on a boat cruise with a mate and his girlfriend of 5 years, we all hit the piss badly and my mate decided to pike it to bed early. During the next few hours on the boat cruise I see her getting it on with another bloke and my mate was sleeping at the time. I always suspected her of being a cheating bitch and my mate wouldn't believe me as I had seen a few strange things before. This time I woke him up, he seen her all over this bloke and didn't even flinch at what he had just seen and went back to bed, to which I thought at the time was a bit strange.

The next day he just acted like everything was normal, no arguments and nothing was said. They drove me back to their place after the cruise as I had left my car there, everything still seemed fine, I go to jump in my car and realised I had left my keys in the house. I go back up to the house and catch my mate swinging her into a wall by her hair. I stoped and look as I was speechless, he then turned around and just apologised that he was sorry that I had seen that. I then decided to hang around for a few hours and everything went calm. I then asked if she was OK and she said "yes", I asked if she wanted a lift anywhere and she said "no". I just left at that, went back the next day and she looked fine, no black eyes, no bruises on her body that I could see. They still continued to see each other for another two years and then parted their own ways.

 

[limeyfingers]

Some of these blokes are professional wife/partner beaters, they know how to beat someone and hide the bruises. Cheating does not give anyone a reason to bash their partner, the option is to walk out. I had a very good friend that I never would of picked as a wife beater but he had been at it for a while, only found out when I showed up unexpected and found him kicking her guts in, sorted him out and swore I would not stand by for that to happen. I don't much believe in violence anymore but I do believe in self defense if these cowards want to have a chop, they never do as its out of their comfort zone. Violence solves nothing long term but I do believe bullies (for a better word) need to be bullied.

 

[Calvin27]

Some of these blokes are professional wife/partner beaters

Women are even better at it.

I once intervened on what looked liek a junkie pair with the guy not really beating her but practicalyl about to. Ended up with the woman also going off at me for not minding my own business.

 

[limeyfingers]

Dunno, seems to be a lot of excuses not to help. There is a possibly that they may turn on you, I am talking about actual violence not arguments. My ex-friends girl was thankful for the help,gave her the courage to leave, apparently the police had been called before and never charged him, pretty hard to leave without help. Even if they turn on you, you have done the right thing. They turn on you because of fear of beatings. Do you really believe they think they deserve it.

 

[DJninja]

I can say that I would step in and its the default honourable thing to do. Its best for the average citizen to call the police or security.

 

[nakedape]

I can say that I would step in and its the default honourable thing to do. Its best for the average citizen to call the police or security.

...and, if it's safe to do so, video the incident & give the footage to the police.

 

[Joly Joe Rider]

Dunno, seems to be a lot of excuses not to help. There is a possibly that they may turn on you, I am talking about actual violence not arguments. My ex-friends girl was thankful for the help,gave her the courage to leave, apparently the police had been called before and never charged him, pretty hard to leave without help. Even if they turn on you, you have done the right thing. They turn on you because of fear of beatings. Do you really believe they think they deserve it.

WTF?
Sorry pal.
I'm not the female populations body guard.
Unless you live in fairy land - Domestic violence doesn't happen in a vacuum and is more often than not bilateral.
Don't by the feminist kook-aid.

 

[Mywifesirrational]

WTF?
Sorry pal.
I'm not the female populations body guard.
Unless you live in fairy land - Domestic violence doesn't happen in a vacuum and is more often than not bilateral.
Don't by the feminist kook-aid.

Do you have some evidence for bilateral domestic violence? I dont disagree but it would be a good read.

There is a quote floating around, that bashing your mrs is like keying your own car...

Got off the train with my wife one afternoon and a bloke was beating his woman in the station car park at 2pm on a weekday. Mrs asked if I was going to stop it and I said nope and walked home. Both were druggies and the 'domestic' sounded like she decided not to share... and when he found out he got a little punchy. Not getting stabbed for that, called the police, for me it really depends on the situation.

I've also seen sunstantially more women attacking men (in public - closed doors I'd think would be very different) than the other way around, it's almost like they know / expect that they are not going to get smashed back.

 

[hifiandmtb]

Here are some statistics for you to read:

http://www.domesticviolence.com.au/pages/domestic-violence-statistics.php

This one is particularly pertinent:

•More than a million women had experienced physical or sexual assault by their male current or ex-partner since the age of 15 (some women may be counted twice if they experienced both physical and sexual assault).

I'm sure that almost as many women have physically or sexually assaulted their male partners.

Not.

 

[Joly Joe Rider]

Do you have some evidence for bilateral domestic violence? I dont disagree but it would be a good read.

There is a quote floating around, that bashing your mrs is like keying your own car...

Got off the train with my wife one afternoon and a bloke was beating his woman in the station car park at 2pm on a weekday. Mrs asked if I was going to stop it and I said nope and walked home. Both were druggies and the 'domestic' sounded like she decided not to share... and when he found out he got a little punchy. Not getting stabbed for that, called the police, for me it really depends on the situation.

I've also seen sunstantially more women attacking men (in public - closed doors I'd think would be very different) than the other way around, it's almost like they know / expect that they are not going to get smashed back.

Good read:
Erin Pizzey - Prone to Violence.

Erin opened the first womens shelter in the UK. Her own studies found that most (can't remember exact figure) women who turned up where as at least as violent as the men they left. Because this was at the hieght of the womens lib protesting, feminists hated her for that. She was sent death threats, bomb threats and needed police escort. Eventually she left for the US. Her other book - This Way To The Revolution is also a good read.

Also
http://www.oneinthree.com.au/faqs/
http://pb.rcpsych.org/content/35/1/33.1
Family Voice Australia, Submission FV 75, 2 June 2010