I'd rather read the funny pages.... [best thread ever]

johnny

johnny

I'll tells ya!
Staff member
Stupid farking Della bosca climate control dual point implosion experimental Hormuz Strait Saakashvili Transdnistria Angleton CNOOC litter bug cycle lane health care surge Waziristan grass roots Kadyrov off shore light sweet homegrown Dalai lama Futenma precession munition Kirkuk Lisbon Treaty Fort Hood South Ossetion Nord Stream S-300 Nabucco rare earth social stability wifi warcraft Uighur Nobel Peace Prize winning Prius particular matter petite geopolitical line of nautical communication Yongbyon al Libi Zelaya monsoon season labour export Copenhagen NATO colour revolution fraudulent election COIN strategy zero analysis Ferghana valley asset placement soft target protectionist policy red line delaying tactic diplo-speak source baiting honey trap delta region moderate domestic audience on the ground coal face shifting ice platform Bushehr Westinghouse stalling focal pivot point three paragraph dumb it down bullshit.

W
T
F

Spiral up, spiral down. Either way it ends in a straight, flat line.


Where you going to go from there?




.
 
A

atschool

Likes Bikes
we didn't start the fire...

’49 harry truman, doris day, red china, johnnie raySouth pacific, walter winchell, joe dimaggio’50 joe mccarthy, richard nixon, studebaker, televisionNorth korea, south korea, marilyn monroe’51 rosenbergs, h-bomb, sugar ray, panmunjomBrando, the king and I and the catcher in the rye’52 eisenhower, vaccine, england’s got a new queenMarciano, liberace, santayana goodbyeChorusWe didn’t start the fireIt was always burningSince the world’s been turningWe didn’t start the fireNo we didn’t light itBut we tried to fight it’53 joseph stalin, malenkov, nasser and prokofievRockefeller, campanella, communist bloc’54 roy cohn, juan peron, toscanini, dacronDien bien phu falls, rock around the clock’55 einstein, james dean, brooklyn’s got a winning teamDavy crockett, peter pan, elvis presley, disneyland’56 bardot, budapest, alabama, krushchevPrincess grace, peyton place, trouble in the suezChorus’57 little rock, pasternak, mickey mantle, kerouacSputnik, chou en-lai, bridge on the river kwai’58 lebanon, charles de gaulle, california baseballStarkweather, homicide, children of thalidomide’59 buddy holly, ben hur, space monkey, mafiaHula hoops, castro, edsel is a no-go’60 u-2, syngman rhee, payola and kennedyChubby checker, psycho, belgians in the congoChorus’61 hemingway, eichmann, stranger in a strange landDylan, berlin, bay of pigs invasion’62 lawrence of arabia, british beatlemaniaOle miss, john glenn, liston beats patterson’63 pope paul, malcolm x, british politician sexJfk, blown away, what else do I have to sayChorus’64 - ’89 birth control, ho chi minh, richard nixon back againMoonshot, woodstock, watergate, punk rockBegin, reagan, palestine, terror on the airlineAyatollah’s in iran, russians in afghanistanWheel of fortune, sally ride, heavy metal, suicideForeign debts, homeless vets, aids, crack, bernie goetzHypodermics on the shores, china’s under martial lawRock and roller cola wars, I can’t take it anymoreChorusWe didn’t start the fireBut when we are goneWill it still burn on, and on, and on, and on...
 
Spike-X

Spike-X

Grumpy Old Sarah
That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes,
an aeroplane - Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn,
world serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs.
Feed it off an aux speak,, grunt, no, strength,
The ladder starts to clatter with fear fight down height.
Wire in a fire, representing seven games, a government for hire and a combat site.
Left of west and coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck.
Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped.
Look at that low playing!
Fine, then.
Uh oh, overflow, population, common food, but it'll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right - right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Six o'clock - TV hour. Don't get caught in foreign towers.
Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn.
Locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood letting.
Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate.
Light a candle, light a votive. Step down, step down.
Watch your heel crush, crushed. Uh-oh, this means no fear cavalier.
Renegade steer clear! A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies.
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.
(I feel fine)

It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide. Mountains sit in a line

Leonard Bernstein!!!

Leonid Brezhnev. Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? Right.

It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine...
 
johnny

johnny

I'll tells ya!
Staff member
Have you been to the desert?
Have you walked with the dead?
There's a hundred thousand children being killed for their bread

And the figures don't lie, they speak of human disease
But we do what we want and we think what we please

Have you lived the experience?
Have you witnessed the plague?
People making babies sometimes just to escape
In this land of competition the compassion is gone
Yet we ignore the needy and we keep pushing on
We keep pushing on

This is just a punk rock song
Written for the people who can see something's wrong
Like ants in a colony we do our share
But there's so many other fuckin' insects out there
And this is just a punk, rock, song!

Have you visited the graveyard?
Have you swam in the shit?
The party conventions and the real politic
The faces always different, the rhetoric the same
But we swallow it all, and we see nothing change
Nothing has changed...

This is just a punk rock song
Written for the people who can see something's wrong
Like workers in a factory we do our share
But there's so many other fuckin' robots out there
And this is just a punk, rock, song!

10 million dollars on a losing campaign
20 million starving and writhing in pain
Big strong people unwilling to give
Small in vision and perspective
One in five kids below the poverty line
One population runnin' out of time, running out of time!

This is just a punk rock song
Written for the people who can see something's wrong
Like ants in a colony we do our share
But there's so many other fuckin' insects out there
And this is just a punk, rock, song!

The figures don't lie, they speak of human disease
But we do what we want and we think what we please
One in five kids below the poverty line
One population runnin' out of time!
This is just a punk rock song,
This is just a punk rock song,
This is just a punk, rock, song!
 
Last edited:
johnny

johnny

I'll tells ya!
Staff member
Tjhis is already the best thread that has ever been posted on this forum or any other. ever, forever.
 
Spike-X

Spike-X

Grumpy Old Sarah
Deborah was a Catholic girl,
she held out to the bitter end.
Carla was a different type,
she's the one who put it in.
Mary was a black girl,
and I was afraid of a girl like that.
Susan painted pictures sitting down
like the Buddhists sat.

Reno was an aimless girl,
a geographic memory.
Cathy was a Jesus-freak,
she liked that kind of misery.
Vicky had this special way
of turning sex into a song.
Camella couldn't sing,
kept the beat and kept it strong.

Xylla was an archetype,
the voodoo queen the queen of rap.
Joan thought men were second best
to masturbating in the bath.
Sherri was a feminist,
she really had that gift of gab.
Kathleen's point of view was this:
take whatever you can grab.

Seattle was another girl
who left her mark upon the map.
Karen liked to tie me up,
and left me hanging by a strap.
Jeannie had this nightclub walk
that made grown men feel underage.
Mary Ellen who had a son
said "I must go," but finally stayed.

Gloria the last taboo
was shattered by her tongue one night.
Mimi brought the taboo back
and held it up before the light.
Marilyn who knew no shame,
was never ever satisfied.
Julie came and went so fast,
she didn't even say good-bye.

Well Rhonda had a house in Venice,
lived on brown rice and cocaine.
Patty had a house in Houston,
shot cough syrup in her veins.
Linda thought her life was empty,
filled it up with alcohol.
Katherine was much too pretty,
she didn't do that shit at all.

Uh-uh. Not Katherine.

Pauline thought that love was simple,
turn it on and turn it off.
Jean-Marie was complicated,
like some French film-maker's plot.
Gina was the perfect lady,
always kept her stockings straight.
Jackie was a rich punk-rocker,
silver spoon and a paper plate.

Sarah was a modern dancer,
lean pristine transparency.
Janet wrote bad poetry
in a crazy kind of urgency.
Tanya Turkish liked to fuck
while wearing leather biker boots.
Brenda's strange obsession
was for certain vegetables and fruits.

Roeena was an artist's daughter,
the deeper image shook her up.
Dee-dee's mother left her father,
took his money and his truck.
Debbie-Rae had no such problems,
perfect Norman Rockwell home.
Nina sixteen had a baby,
left her parents lived alone.
Bobbie joined a new-wave band,
and changed her name to Bobbie-sox.
Eloise who played guitar,
sang songs about whales and cops.
Terri didn't give a shit,
just a nihilist.
Ronnie was much more my style,
she wrote songs just like this.
Jezebel went forty days
drinking nothing but Perrier.
Dinah drove her Chevrolet
into the San Francisco bay.
Judy came from Ohio,
she's a Scientologist.
Pomerante here's a kiss,
I chose you to end this list.

Eighty-eight lines about forty-four women
 
johnny

johnny

I'll tells ya!
Staff member
I don’t know what the world mayneed,
But I’m sure as hell that is starts with me.
And that’s a wisdom,
I’ve laughed at.

I don’t know what the world may want,
But a good stiff drink it surely don’t.
So I think I’ll go and fix myself a tall one.

Cause, what the world needs now
Is a new kind of tension.
Cause the old one just bores me to death.
Cause, what the world needs now
Is another folk singer
Like I need a hole in my head.

I don’t know what the world may need,
But a v8 engine is a good start for me.
Think I’ll drive to find a place,
To be surly.
I don’t know what the world may want,
But some words of wisdom could comfort us.
Think I’ll leave that up to someone wiser.

Cause, what the world needs now
Are some true words of wisdom
Like la la la la la
Cause, what the world needs now
Is another folk singer
Like I need a hole in my head.

I don’t know what the world may need,
And I never grasped your complexities.
I’d be happy just to get your attention.
And, I don’t know what the world may want,
But your long, sweet body lying next
To mine could certainly raise my spirits.

Cause what the world needs now
Is a new frank sinatra
So I can get you in bed.
Cause what the world needs now
Is another folk singer
Like I need a hole in my head.
 
johnny

johnny

I'll tells ya!
Staff member
Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this

Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car.

It's a
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will cuz
I sure could use a vacation from this

Silly shit, stupid shit...

One great big festering neon distraction,
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied.

Learn to swim.

Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be.

Learn to swim.

Fuck L Ron Hubbard and
Fuck all his clones.
Fuck all those gun-toting
Hip gangster wannabes.

Learn to swim.

Fuck retro anything.
Fuck your tattoos.
Fuck all you junkies and
Fuck your short memory.

Learn to swim.

Fuck smiley glad-hands
With hidden agendas.
Fuck these dysfunctional,
Insecure actresses.

Learn to swim.

Cuz I'm praying for rain
And I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way.
I wanna watch it all go down.
Mom please flush it all away.
I wanna watch it go right in and down.
I wanna watch it go right in.
Watch you flush it all away.

Time to bring it down again.
Don't just call me pessimist.
Try and read between the lines.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend.

I wanna see it all come down.
suck it down.
flush it down.
 
Spike-X

Spike-X

Grumpy Old Sarah
Every day, I get up and pray to Jah
And he decreases the number of clocks by exactly one
Everybody's comin' home for lunch these days
Last night there were skinheads on my lawn
Take the skinheads bowling
Take them bowling
Take the skinheads bowling
Take them bowling
Some people say that bowling alleys got big lanes
Some people say that bowling alleys all look the same
There's not a line that goes here that rhymes with anything
I has a dream last night, but I forget what it was
I had a dream last night about you, my friend
I had a dream--I wanted to sleep next to plastic
I had a dream--I wanted to lick your knees
I had a dream--it was about nothing
 
johnny

johnny

I'll tells ya!
Staff member
there's a place where everyone can be happy
it's the most beautiful place in the whole fuckin' world
it's made of candy canes and planes
and bright, red choo choo trains
and the meanest little boys
most innocent little girls
and you know, I wish that I could go there
it's a road that I have not found
and I wish you the best of luck dear,
drop a card or letter to my side of town

'cause there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend
but baby I'm amazed at the hate that you can send
and you
painted my entire world
but I
don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled
and I won't forget it

there's a place where everyone can be right
even though you remain determined to be opposed
admittance requires no qualifications
it's where everyone has been and where everybody goes
so please try not to be impatient
for we all hate standing in line
and when the farm is good and bought
you'll be there without a thought
and eternity my friend, is a long fuckin' time

'cause there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend
but baby I'm amazed at the hate that you can send
and you
painted my entire world
but I
don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled
and I won't forget it
 
Spike-X

Spike-X

Grumpy Old Sarah
Spread out now Rosie, doctor come cut loose her mama's reins
You know playin' blindman's bluff is a little baby's game
You pick up Little Dynamite, I'm gonna pick up Little Gun
And together we're gonna go out tonight and make that highway run
You don't have to call me lieutenant Rosie and I don't want to be your son
The only lover I'm ever gonna need's your soft sweet little girl's tongue
Oh, Rosie you're the one

Dynamite's in the belfry playin' with the bats
Little Gun's downtown in front of Woolworth's tryin' out his attitude on all the
cats
Papa's on the corner waitin' for the bus
Mama she's home in the window waitin' up for us
She'll be there in that chair when they wrestle her upstairs
'Cause you know we ain't gonna come
I ain't here on business
I'm only here for fun
And Rosie you're the one

(CHORUS)
Rosalita jump a little lighter
Senorita come sit by my fire
I just want to be your love, ain't no lie
Rosalita you're my stone desire

Jack the Rabbit and Weak Knees Willie, you know they're gonna be there
Ah, sloppy Sue and Big Bones Billie, they'll be comin' up for air
We're gonna play some pool, skip some school, act real cool
Stay out all night, it's gonna feel all right
So Rosie come out tonight, baby come out tonight
Windows are for cheaters, chimneys for the poor
Closets are for hangers, winners use the door
So use it Rosie, that's what it's there for

(CHORUS)

Now I know your mama she don't like me 'cause I play in a rock and roll band
And I know your daddy he don't dig me but he never did understand
Papa lowered the boom, he locked you in your room
I'm comin' to lend a hand
I'm comin' to liberate you, confiscate you, I want to be your man
Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny
But now you're sad, your mama's mad
And your papa says he knows that I don't have any money
Tell him this is last chance to get his daughter in a fine romance
Because a record company, Rosie, just gave me a big advance

My tires were slashed and I almost crashed but the Lord had mercy
My machine she's a dud, I'm stuck in the mud somewhere in the swamps of Jersey

Hold on tight, stay up all night 'cause Rosie I'm comin' on strong
By the time we meet the morning light I will hold you in my arms
I know a pretty little place in Southern California down San Diego way
There's a little cafŽ where they play guitars all night and day
You can hear them in the back room strummin'
So hold tight baby 'cause don't you know daddy's comin'

SLOW!
Chorus
Ya ya ya ya

Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey HEY!!!
 
RCOH

RCOH

Eats Squid
I got my black shirt on.
I got my black gloves on.
I got my ski mask on.
This shit's been too long.

I got my twelve gauge sawed off.
I got my headlights turned off.
I'm 'bout to bust some shots off.
I'm 'bout to dust some cops off.


Cop killer, better you than me.
Cop killer, f**k police brutality!
Cop killer, I know your family's grievin'
(f**k 'em)
Cop killer, but tonight we get even.


I got my brain on hype.
Tonight'll be your night.
I got this long-assed knife,
and your neck looks just right.
My adrenaline's pumpin'.
I got my stereo bumpin'.
I'm 'bout to kill me somethin'
A pig stopped me for nuthin'!


Cop killer, better you than me.
Cop killer, f**k police brutality!
Cop killer, I know your mama's grievin'
(f**k her)
Cop killer, but tonight we get even.


Die, die, die pig, die!
F**k the police!
F**k the police!
F**k the police!
F**k the police!
F**k the police!
F**k the police!
F**k the police yeah!

Cop killer, better you than me.
I'm a Cop killer, f**k police brutality!
Cop killer, I know your family's grievin'
(f**k 'em)
Cop killer, but tonight we get even.

F**k the police!
F**k the police!
F**k the police!
F**k the police!
F**k the police!
F**k the police!
F**k the police!
F**k the police, break it down.
F**k the police, yeah.
F**k the police, for Darryl Gates.
F**k the police, for Rodney King.
F**k the police, for my dead homies.
F**k the police, for your freedom.
F**k the police, don't be a pussy.
F**k the police, have some muthaf**kin' courage.
F**k the police, sing along.


Cop killer!
Cop killer!
Cop killer!
Cop killer!
Cop killer, what you're gonna be when you grown up?
Cop killer, good choice.
Cop killer!
I'm a muthaf**kin' cop killer!


Cop killer, better you than me.
Cop killer, f**k police brutality!
Cop killer, I know your mama's grievin'
(f**k her)
 
Spike-X

Spike-X

Grumpy Old Sarah
Kick out the jams motherfuckers !
Yeah! I, I, I, I, I'm gonna
I'm gonna kick 'em out ! Yeah !

Well i feel pretty good
And i guess that i could get crazy now baby
Cause we all got in tune
And when the dressing room got hazy now baby

I know how you want it child
Hot, quick and tight
The girls can't stand it
When you're doin'it right
Let me up on the stand
And let me kick out the jam
Yes, kick out the jams
I want to kick'em out !

Yes i'm starting to sweat
You know my shirt's all wet
What a feeling
In the sound that abounds
And resounds and rebounds off the ceiling
You gotta have it baby
You can't do without
When you get that feeling
You gotta sock'em out
Put that mike in my hand
And let me kick out the jam
Yes ! Kick out the jams
I want to kick'em out

( guitar )

So you got to give it up
You know you can't get enough Miss Mackenzie
Cause it gets in your brain
It drives you insane
With the frenzy

The wailin' guitars girl
The crash of the drums
Make you wanna keep-a-rockin'
Till the morning comes

Let me be who i am
And let me kick out the jam
Yes, kick out the jams
I done kicked em out !!!
 
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