Pixsoul
Regulating n00bs
Jeff Lenosky is under review by the Guinness Book of World Records for his records after it has come to light that Lenosky may have been using performance enhancing products when he set the world record for side hopping 48 inches.
At the centre of the controversy is a Precision Engineering firm; Straitline Components. It appears Straitline has been manufacturing illegal performance enhancing products for Mr Lenosky for some time now, so we set out to dig up the dirt on this spiralling relationship.
The controversy that has enraged the industry revolves around a top secret “Fufanu Project” pedal system which Straitline have been developing. The system utilises a combination of super straps and power clips which is believed to enable the rider to jump enormous super-human distances; Giving the athlete the upper hand.
With many of the biking industry top pro’s and professionals coming forth, we were able to shed some light on how far gone the “Fufanu Project” really is.
A close affiliate to Mr Lenosky agreed to come forth with information but in fear of retaliation insisted that we kept his identity a secret:
“We all knew something was up with Jeff for a long time. He is always ducking behind the closest tree or dumpster to put his secret pedals on. We could all tell, but when he got back he would just tell us he had new shoes on with big laces that he had to tuck in. He also got really aggressive with us if we quizzed him on it; one time he started flailing his bike everywhere and then stormed off and sat in his trailer for days without leaving!”.
It seems the “Fufanu Project” has been infuriating Industry Heavy weights who are sick of receiving threats and the strange Headless Budgies sent in the mail from both Straitline Components and Jeff Lenosky. Unclear of what purpose the headless pet budgies serve but it obviously inspired to keep the industry in fear and in silence.
We caught up with Jeremy Grant from Freeride Entertainment, here is what he had to say about the situation:
“I’m just glad he got caught it’s going to save us a lot of time in post production. It started out with one bunny hop he couldn’t do in Fat Tire Fury that he really wanted for his section, and then we did it more and more. For the last five films we have had to hire another editor for two months just to key out and replace every single frame of those straps for his segments. Hell, last year for Smack Down we were so sick of it we just turned his segment into black and white.”
It seems that Jeff also abused the Fufanu Project system for photo stills in magazines as well as movies. We caught up with Mark Jordan from Decline magazine and got this comment:
“We’ve always had a good relationship with Jeff but it came to a point where we couldn’t keep Photoshopping his pictures in the magazine. The graphics guys hate the extra work and we figured it was time for Jeff step up and step out of those toe straps. Those things went out in the ‘80s.”
Friend’s were also starting to worry about his addiction to the Fufanu Project System. Kyle Ebbett confesses that:
“Jeff is really starting to worry all of our friends. We all knew he took “Foof”, but at first it was just on weekends on a recreational basis. That is when things started spiraling out of control in a Foof frenzied addiction. He is now using daily and we are all concerned that one day soon he might overdose and go too big on his next wall ride to no tranny”
Reports have surfaced alleging that Lenosky demands all footage taken of him at his trails demos and retreating to his highly sophisticated touting RV where he edits his straps out. Seen here in a picture right after demanding children’s cameras it is reported that Mr Lenosky started recruiting for his Fufanu work force up in Canada.
In an attempt to get to the root of this evil problem, we sent our unnamed investigative reporter under-cover right into the heart of Straitline Territory. What was discovered was absolutely shocking.
Upon arrival at the Straitline factory, our reporter showed up to find the Straitline company vehicle parked up onto the curb in what would appear to be an alcohol fuelled frenzy. Utilizing a hidden camera we went inside to see what exactly occurs behind these walls.
Once inside this dim dirty warehouse we were shocked to find no signs of the owners and were quickly confronted by a 4 1/2 year old girl who was working a machine. In apparent fear of losing her job and her family’s only source of income the young child started warning us to leave. Quickly convincing her we were sent by Jeff to pick up some replacement pedals, and had cash for payment. We were shocked to hear and see what was happening at this so called Precision Engineering Firm; Leaving kids in charge to work 20 hour shifts each day 7 days a week.
Outraged, we wanted some answers and went in search of the owners of this fraudulent business and the master minds behind the Fufano Project. We were again appalled to find the adults clearly under the influence of alcohol, joy riding around on a forklift with a complete disregard for the public’s, not to mention their own safety. Frightened neighbors’ claim the forklift was stolen from a neighboring business.
Sadly with the economy on a downward slide there is no apparent shortage of cross border child laborers. Even more appalling is the screening process set up for weaning out only the strongest children. MSNBCROFLMAO have just received a video of one of these “screening” events often set up by Lenosky and Straitline in a effort to wean out only the strongest children to join this dark, cross boarder labor ring.
MSNBCROFLMAO News
At the centre of the controversy is a Precision Engineering firm; Straitline Components. It appears Straitline has been manufacturing illegal performance enhancing products for Mr Lenosky for some time now, so we set out to dig up the dirt on this spiralling relationship.
The controversy that has enraged the industry revolves around a top secret “Fufanu Project” pedal system which Straitline have been developing. The system utilises a combination of super straps and power clips which is believed to enable the rider to jump enormous super-human distances; Giving the athlete the upper hand.
With many of the biking industry top pro’s and professionals coming forth, we were able to shed some light on how far gone the “Fufanu Project” really is.
A close affiliate to Mr Lenosky agreed to come forth with information but in fear of retaliation insisted that we kept his identity a secret:
“We all knew something was up with Jeff for a long time. He is always ducking behind the closest tree or dumpster to put his secret pedals on. We could all tell, but when he got back he would just tell us he had new shoes on with big laces that he had to tuck in. He also got really aggressive with us if we quizzed him on it; one time he started flailing his bike everywhere and then stormed off and sat in his trailer for days without leaving!”.
It seems the “Fufanu Project” has been infuriating Industry Heavy weights who are sick of receiving threats and the strange Headless Budgies sent in the mail from both Straitline Components and Jeff Lenosky. Unclear of what purpose the headless pet budgies serve but it obviously inspired to keep the industry in fear and in silence.
We caught up with Jeremy Grant from Freeride Entertainment, here is what he had to say about the situation:
“I’m just glad he got caught it’s going to save us a lot of time in post production. It started out with one bunny hop he couldn’t do in Fat Tire Fury that he really wanted for his section, and then we did it more and more. For the last five films we have had to hire another editor for two months just to key out and replace every single frame of those straps for his segments. Hell, last year for Smack Down we were so sick of it we just turned his segment into black and white.”
It seems that Jeff also abused the Fufanu Project system for photo stills in magazines as well as movies. We caught up with Mark Jordan from Decline magazine and got this comment:
“We’ve always had a good relationship with Jeff but it came to a point where we couldn’t keep Photoshopping his pictures in the magazine. The graphics guys hate the extra work and we figured it was time for Jeff step up and step out of those toe straps. Those things went out in the ‘80s.”
Friend’s were also starting to worry about his addiction to the Fufanu Project System. Kyle Ebbett confesses that:
“Jeff is really starting to worry all of our friends. We all knew he took “Foof”, but at first it was just on weekends on a recreational basis. That is when things started spiraling out of control in a Foof frenzied addiction. He is now using daily and we are all concerned that one day soon he might overdose and go too big on his next wall ride to no tranny”
Reports have surfaced alleging that Lenosky demands all footage taken of him at his trails demos and retreating to his highly sophisticated touting RV where he edits his straps out. Seen here in a picture right after demanding children’s cameras it is reported that Mr Lenosky started recruiting for his Fufanu work force up in Canada.
In an attempt to get to the root of this evil problem, we sent our unnamed investigative reporter under-cover right into the heart of Straitline Territory. What was discovered was absolutely shocking.
Upon arrival at the Straitline factory, our reporter showed up to find the Straitline company vehicle parked up onto the curb in what would appear to be an alcohol fuelled frenzy. Utilizing a hidden camera we went inside to see what exactly occurs behind these walls.
Once inside this dim dirty warehouse we were shocked to find no signs of the owners and were quickly confronted by a 4 1/2 year old girl who was working a machine. In apparent fear of losing her job and her family’s only source of income the young child started warning us to leave. Quickly convincing her we were sent by Jeff to pick up some replacement pedals, and had cash for payment. We were shocked to hear and see what was happening at this so called Precision Engineering Firm; Leaving kids in charge to work 20 hour shifts each day 7 days a week.
Outraged, we wanted some answers and went in search of the owners of this fraudulent business and the master minds behind the Fufano Project. We were again appalled to find the adults clearly under the influence of alcohol, joy riding around on a forklift with a complete disregard for the public’s, not to mention their own safety. Frightened neighbors’ claim the forklift was stolen from a neighboring business.
Sadly with the economy on a downward slide there is no apparent shortage of cross border child laborers. Even more appalling is the screening process set up for weaning out only the strongest children. MSNBCROFLMAO have just received a video of one of these “screening” events often set up by Lenosky and Straitline in a effort to wean out only the strongest children to join this dark, cross boarder labor ring.
MSNBCROFLMAO News
