Funny man.
In all seriousness, just get it rebuilt and maybe a custom tune.
If you do want to get a different shock, make sure it's the same tune as your current shock or you'll have to get it tuned anyway. Don't bother with Cane Creek, they don't fit, I've confirmed with them. Don't get a coil shock.
Fox float, DHX air or Rockshox Monarch are your best bet.