Black Dogs and mental shit in general

Minlak

Minlak

custom titis
Struggling with family shit right now - Even though they are absolutely 100% being cunts I still blame myself and dwell on what I could / should be doing differently. That means another week or so of very little if any sleep before my mind gets so overwhelmed it will finally let me sleep.

On another note - On self diagnosis only I am pretty sure I have ADHD and possible Aspergers - I have never bothered getting a diagnosis as I figure what am I gunna do if I know - However talking to a friend today and I have come to the thought process that perhaps being able to label something I might get some sense of peace in myself knowing its not always stuff I am just doing wrong.

So looked into it and I can go to the Griffith Uni and pay $400 for an intern to do a cognitive assessment - if I go to my GP first I can get put on a Mental Health Plan and get a rebate on the $400 as well. Normally these types of assessments cost anywhere from $2000 - $4000 but the Uni use them as a learning teaching exercise for the interns - So I think on Monday will start the ball rolling on that.
 
Cardy George

Cardy George

Piercing rural members since 1981
Minlak said:
Struggling with family shit right now - Even though they are absolutely 100% being cunts I still blame myself and dwell on what I could / should be doing differently. That means another week or so of very little if any sleep before my mind gets so overwhelmed it will finally let me sleep.

On another note - On self diagnosis only I am pretty sure I have ADHD and possible Aspergers - I have never bothered getting a diagnosis as I figure what am I gunna do if I know - However talking to a friend today and I have come to the thought process that perhaps being able to label something I might get some sense of peace in myself knowing its not always stuff I am just doing wrong.

So looked into it and I can go to the Griffith Uni and pay $400 for an intern to do a cognitive assessment - if I go to my GP first I can get put on a Mental Health Plan and get a rebate on the $400 as well. Normally these types of assessments cost anywhere from $2000 - $4000 but the Uni use them as a learning teaching exercise for the interns - So I think on Monday will start the ball rolling on that.
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I can 100% say it will make a HUGE difference. Its like stumbling across the owners manual, it won't change things, but suddenly everything will make a whole lot more sense.

Mrs George struggled for many many years to fit in and be like everyone else. She was 35 when I landed in her world and showed her it really didn't matter. Then we had Man-Child and he was officially diagnosed as an Aspie and we started joining the dots and realised she probably was too. It's hereditary and we can it trace a fair way back in her family. While it hasn't made her world much different to live in, it has given her the peace of mind knowing why the world makes her feel the way she does.

And the confidence boost that goes with knowing that it's not you that's the problem is massive. Unless Mrs George had her Game Face on she wouldn't say boo to a ghost when we first met. Now she's a proactive President of the MTB Club who will be lynched if she ever stepped down.
 
Squidfayce

Squidfayce

Eats Squid
Cardy George said:
Its like stumbling across the owners manual, it won't change things, but suddenly everything will make a whole lot more sense.
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this. Formulating strategies to manage evernts and approaches for things will also become smoother. Plus if you are ADHD, you might get access to pharmaceutical amphetamines :) not for fun, but if you are easily distracted, regaining focus on mundane daily tasks (like paid work, lol) and breaking day long procrastination spirals is game changing.
 
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Flow-Rider

Flow-Rider

Burner
A friend that was diagnosed with ADHD and few other issues in his 40s, and doctors were able to medicate for it. He told me that his mind was a lot clearer and that he could concentrate more after being medicated. The big issue was when he used to drink with the medication, it compounded the issues he had before medication. A lot of people have low levels of ADHD and even low levels of autism, like @Cardy George if you can see the traits in your parents, good chance it's passed onto you. Anyway, the world isn't perfect and either are people.
 
Flow-Rider

Flow-Rider

Burner
Squidfayce said:
Is it an issue really though? good time to reasses what's more important. drinking or having a clear and productive mind.
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Well, it's a big part of their life and much of their friendships have formed around these types of events, the simple answer is not to do it and they know that they shouldn't do it, but you don't want to be around them when they do.
 
Squidfayce

Squidfayce

Eats Squid
Flow-Rider said:
Well, it's a big part of their life and much of their friendships have formed around these types of events, the simple answer is not to do it and they know that they shouldn't do it, but you don't want to be around them when they do.
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yeah i get that. being sober tends to force you to also reassess the types of friendships you have. The reality of that assessment (pun intended) is also pretty sobering.
 
dazz

dazz

Downhill Dazz
Minlak said:
Have I got a warped view of friendship? - to me friends are people that you interact with and talk to at least semi frequently - I would never call some one a "friend" if I had not spoken to them in the last month - there are certainly people I am aquainted with and I would catch up with them less frequently but I wouldn't call them "friends" when mentioning them. eg- People would say my friend Trevor where I would just say a guy I know Trevor if that makes sense?

I think I might overthink the term "friend"

The prompt for this question is some on one my FaceBook feed was all upset that they just found out in their words "A Dear Friend" had died 6 mths ago. i just would have thought to use that term you would have known sooner?

FYI - Not drunk - just going through some shit and my mind is asking a lot of stuff
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Outside of family and work, I'm struggling to think of anyone currently in my life that fits your definition of a 'friend'. Is anyone else here like that?
 
link1896

link1896

Mr Greenfield
Minlak said:
Struggling with family shit right now - Even though they are absolutely 100% being cunts I still blame myself and dwell on what I could / should be doing differently. That means another week or so of very little if any sleep before my mind gets so overwhelmed it will finally let me sleep.

On another note - On self diagnosis only I am pretty sure I have ADHD and possible Aspergers - I have never bothered getting a diagnosis as I figure what am I gunna do if I know - However talking to a friend today and I have come to the thought process that perhaps being able to label something I might get some sense of peace in myself knowing its not always stuff I am just doing wrong.

So looked into it and I can go to the Griffith Uni and pay $400 for an intern to do a cognitive assessment - if I go to my GP first I can get put on a Mental Health Plan and get a rebate on the $400 as well. Normally these types of assessments cost anywhere from $2000 - $4000 but the Uni use them as a learning teaching exercise for the interns - So I think on Monday will start the ball rolling on that.
Click to expand...
Micro dosing amphetamines for ADHD works well, but once you’re on them, VERY hard to get off them. The DSM-5-TR recognises three representations of ADHD. Inattentive, hyperactivity-impulsive, and combined. I’ve a friend who is a professor of Neurology (her area of expertise and research is Autism), she believes there are more then 3, possibly 5-7 ADHD representations. She has noticed more then half of her phd candidates have commence exhibiting ADHD signs since they have been undergraduates. She suspects the modern world is a big contributor to these challenges and changes. She cites tik tok at the worst example by far she can present. No time in human history have we had a scenario where the human brain has been exposed to such rapid, persistent subject hopping like watching 2 hours of 30-60 second clips. It’s very damaging to the dopamine system. My two concussions significantly contributed to my ADHD. Medical science even 5 years ago wasn’t fully aware of the seriousness of TBI’s. I had a GP tell me back in 2016 a 5 day headache from a concussion didn’t need any further intervention.

It’s referred to as high-functioning form of autism spectrum disorder now, Dr Asperger was a cunt, believed to have been involved in murder of children with disabilities under the Third Reich. Best you don’t identify with the man.

For sleep if you get desperate, the over the counter old school antihistamine Periactin (cyproheptadine) is good. Take 8mg before bed when you have insomnia, racing thoughts, or any inability to sleep. It usually acts within 2 hours. Don't take too much, as the sleepiness and grogginess can last 12 to 18 hours. When your sleep returns to normal, stop taking it. It’s an s3 medication, behind the counter at the pharmacy.
 
Squidfayce

Squidfayce

Eats Squid
link1896 said:
I had a GP tell me back in 2016 a 5 day headache from a concussion didn’t need any further intervention.
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thats justa s shit doctor. I can guarantee you in 2016, a 5 day headache after a concussion would have had a look in by any number of other doctors.
 
Squidfayce

Squidfayce

Eats Squid
link1896 said:
It’s referred to as high-functioning form of autism spectrum disorder now, Dr Asperger was a cunt, believed to have been involved in murder of children with disabilities under the Third Reich. Best you don’t identify with the man.
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There were a lot of war atrocities perpetrated by nazi scientists and doctors which resulted in medical and scientific breakthroughs that have shaped todays medicine and science.

I think not calling something what it is is along the same lines of not referring to mothers as mothers because there are certain people with geneder dysphoria conditions that would find it a micro agression against their chosen gender. At least when Asperger's is referred to people can understand what's being referred to without having to navigate some political minefield
 
H

Halo1

Likes Bikes and Dirt
ForkinGreat said:
I struggle with this one. Tearing my self down is fucking toxic, and yet I often immediately call myself a stupid or useless fuckwit after messing up in the most minor of ways.

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This is me or was me too. The older you get the less you fear stuff ups, failure and tearing your self down.
I never realized what a panic attack was. I had them earlier in life and just thought it was nerves that everyone got.
It was only when it moved to full on chest pains later in life through not being able to deal with failure and stress that I realized that I had to address some issues. The impact was increased due to a thyroid condition.
I made the connection that I suffered them before at that point. The mind can be great at ignoring physical things while you focus on toxic thoughts.
 
Minlak

Minlak

custom titis
I am struggling with language currently - Well phrasing of language to be correct - It is often how you say something that makes a difference to how people feel about it.
Currently for reasons have no relationship with my Father - It has always been strained but escalated in the last month to the point I no longer want contact.
He broke his hip 2 weeks ago and I only found out when my brother called - When I went to see him in hospital I was asked "What are you doing here?"
Mum is sick bad back operations very unstable on her feet and they insist on staying in their caravan at the caravan park - their choice that is their life - He broke his hip trying to lay pavers to give them smooth ground to the toilet block (ensuite thingy) and after discussions that went poorly with my Younger brother he and I paid for someone to lay the pavers to the toilet block.
So that's a very brief history for the purpose of the next statement.
I get a text last night that says
Thank you for all you have done for us and your contribution to the tiles we love you but I believe you and I need to have a talk -

So this is the phrasing that makes me want to run away and hide - We have never had any good talk from that statement in history and usually resulted in me getting a beating as a child - So with my current mind set this has frozen me - brings me straight back to a shitty childhood.

If it had been phrased perhaps as " I would also like to have a conversation with you when it suits" anything that was more inviting to a discourse than what was sent.

It is very similar to the way you invite someone to a Party or a BBQ - We are having a get together "You can come along if you like" in my mind becomes a pity invite and that I would be intruding. If they had said "We are having a get together would love it / like it / really appreciate if came along it feels more inviting.

I know its my mind and the way I perceive it but that doesn't change how it all makes me feel.

Its something I am working on myself as well - I am going to Brisbane tomorrow with spare time in the day instead of appointment etc - So I contacted an Uncle I have not seen for a while and caught myself saying "I am in Brisbane with spare time and nothing to do wanna have lunch"? That makes it sound like a last resort / choice which was not my intention.

Any way too many painkillers tonight - might delete in morning :)
 
silentbutdeadly

silentbutdeadly

has some good things to say
Minlak said:
I am struggling with language currently - Well phrasing of language to be correct - It is often how you say something that makes a difference to how people feel about it.
Currently for reasons have no relationship with my Father - It has always been strained but escalated in the last month to the point I no longer want contact.
He broke his hip 2 weeks ago and I only found out when my brother called - When I went to see him in hospital I was asked "What are you doing here?"
Mum is sick bad back operations very unstable on her feet and they insist on staying in their caravan at the caravan park - their choice that is their life - He broke his hip trying to lay pavers to give them smooth ground to the toilet block (ensuite thingy) and after discussions that went poorly with my Younger brother he and I paid for someone to lay the pavers to the toilet block.
So that's a very brief history for the purpose of the next statement.
I get a text last night that says
Thank you for all you have done for us and your contribution to the tiles we love you but I believe you and I need to have a talk -

So this is the phrasing that makes me want to run away and hide - We have never had any good talk from that statement in history and usually resulted in me getting a beating as a child - So with my current mind set this has frozen me - brings me straight back to a shitty childhood.

If it had been phrased perhaps as " I would also like to have a conversation with you when it suits" anything that was more inviting to a discourse than what was sent.

It is very similar to the way you invite someone to a Party or a BBQ - We are having a get together "You can come along if you like" in my mind becomes a pity invite and that I would be intruding. If they had said "We are having a get together would love it / like it / really appreciate if came along it feels more inviting.

I know its my mind and the way I perceive it but that doesn't change how it all makes me feel.

Its something I am working on myself as well - I am going to Brisbane tomorrow with spare time in the day instead of appointment etc - So I contacted an Uncle I have not seen for a while and caught myself saying "I am in Brisbane with spare time and nothing to do wanna have lunch"? That makes it sound like a last resort / choice which was not my intention.

Any way too many painkillers tonight - might delete in morning :)
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Regret is a powerful bastard to fight. I suggest that if some one of age gives in to it...then give them an actual chance.
 
dazz

dazz

Downhill Dazz
Minlak said:
I am struggling with language currently - Well phrasing of language to be correct - It is often how you say something that makes a difference to how people feel about it.
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Sucks about your family situation, I count myself lucky that I can't relate to that part.

The language bit all rings a bit true though, but mine comes from a bit of a different angle. I suspect that we wouldn't gel all in person because I reckon I use a lot of the language that you are describing. I think I developed that kind of language as a kid for emotional self defense, I was small and nerdy and was an easy target for teasing and bullying. So I wouldn't say "I'd like it if you..." or anything similar and instead say "if you want to..." it was never as a pity invite, only as emotional self defense.
Never offer anything personal, and you can't get rejected.

Unfortunately I've been doing it that way for so many years that now when I try to use more engaging language, I don't think it comes across as genuine unless that person really knows and somehow understands me. So now I'm a socially dysfunctional man that, by some peoples definition (oh wait that was you :oops:), has no friends. Not easy to deal with sometimes. I do have good parents and have somehow managed a family of my own that is going great. Although came right to the edge of losing it - whole other story, same struggle, only far more self destructive emotional defense mechanism.

Due to all that mess ^^^... I have no idea if any of that helps or is even relevant, hope it does help, and that you find a way through it that you feel good with.


Perhaps you could try to take the 'language' out of it for certain questions and structure the question as a yes/no, for me that would require some context so I didn't feel like I was being interrogated, I'd likely still be uncomfortable and try to defer to my defensive mode instead of yes/no. If it works, then it removes the phrasing and you get a straight, unambiguous, answer. Difficult relationships are, well, difficult. Good luck.
 
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