Black Dogs and mental shit in general

Flow-Rider said:
Sorry to hear about your mum, and it's great they got onto it real quick.

You can get a free bowel test kit sent to your door in Australia.

www.cancer.org.au

Bowel Cancer screening | Get2 it

Over 90% of bowel cancers can be treated successfully if found early. Set up a reminder and learn how to take the Bowel Cancer Screening Test.
www.cancer.org.au www.cancer.org.au
Click to expand...
Yeah - the UK does it too, which is how it was picked up.
I had stomach issues a few years ago and the doc sent me to get a colonoscopy and 2 of the polyps they removed were pre-cancerous and I've had a couple of screens since them to check but when I hit 45 in a few more years I'll be looking into it for sure
 
Can't remember where I was up to so will cover it all - You might want some nourishment for this one before you start to read - also ignore speeling as I don't want to google so many words :)

Still going to the Thoracic team in Brisbane for the Pulmonary Embolisms (almost a year now) - Not really sure why as the last doctor said "we normally only follow up for 6 mths) - Finally off the blood thinners as the last doctor also said as there was a clear "event" hospitalisation that the clots can be attributed to and they have since cleared you dont need to take them (the doctor 3 mths earlier said as the was NO clear cause I have to take them for life) - So PE is cleared and I am off the thinners.

Heart :- They were not really answering questions regarding my right side of the heart so went private - Had a halter monitor / calcium score / PE CT Scan / Stress test Echo Cardiogram.
Right side of the heart and the valves etc are fine - Stress test is fine - Bloods suggest cholesterol is on the high side of okay so just needs to be monitored - I do however have ectopic heart beats - This means I have extra beats 2% - 5% they dont care - Above 5% they monitor I have 10% which is too many so I am now on Beta blockers for the ectopic beats - as long as its controlled not really an issue

Anemia - So my new GP did blood tests and they showed a steady rapid decline in Iron levels - given my history they arrange Endoscope and Colonoscopy - they came through clear ( although do have osephageal reflux) - So now we are at taking Iron Tablets and a Multivitamin and retesting - If the iron levles have not risen on next blood test I will have to have the capsual scans on my small intestine (you swallow a camera and it takes photos until you shit it out)

Sleep Apnea - Had a sleep study and a treatment study - Have to get a CPAP machine and use it as I now have diagnosed sleep apnea ( we changed Private health providers and just have to sort it out )

Knee - my right knee was operated on a couple of years ago and "tidied up" removed miniscus and was told thats about it when its too painful you get a new knee - last 3 months has seen a steady increase in pain so that is probably coming up soon now too.

Mental Health - So the Mother In law has moved in with us - She has mild dementia / lymphoma / and old (83) frail - She had to have a skin cancer removed last week from her face which went badly with infection and bleeding and she ended up in hospital the last 4 days - Turns out on testing the skin cancer is some rare form that only 3 people in a million get and is super aggressive and travels to the lymph nodes etc and spreads - It could be possible to try and cut around the site (2 cms in all directions so removal of the jaw etc) and then treat with radiation - but she already has heart condition and lymphoma and dementia so will need pallative care to monitor pain and pretty much just die.

So I don't really have attachments emotionally to people so its not that her dying is upsetting me - i am feeling really bad as I am super agitated about stupid stuff and feel really bad that I am agitated by this stuff whilst she is pretty much just coming here to die.

I lost my TV (as if she is in the loungeroom she is watching it)
I lost my bathroom as she needs specials tool to shower and has stuff all over the sink
I lost my daughters bedroom as she has moved in there (my daughter doesnt even live here)
I lost my toilet as it had to be modified to allow her to use it
My wife is our main source of income in the household as our business relies on her - if she doesnt work we dont get paid ( i already didnt take wages for the first 3 months this year as she was helping her mom move and wasnt working enough) and now its the same having to do all the stuff for her mum means she isnt working enough and them when the mom dies dies it will be upsetting for my wife (understandably) and we have no buffer as she already isnt working enough helping her mum.
We lost money as had planned to go away last weekend and couldnt go as the mother was too sick - so now we cant plan anything as a couple until the mother passes

I cant go and get another job as I have clients to see for our work now and they are spread all through the week,


So mentally I feel terrible cause I have focused on these petty things in the larger picture - which I also may be doing to avoid focusing on the actual picture ./Shrug Pretty much feel like I ama terrible person atm
 
Yeah, that's a real tough read, Minlak. I feel terrible that I have nothing to offer but my heartfelt internet emotional goodwill.
 
That's a LOT going on @Minlak

I'm certainly no expert but I have learned over the years not to diminish your own feelings. Your wife and mother-in-law obviously have their own things happening that are serious, upsetting and difficult but the impact on you is legit and you can't push those feeling aside or dismiss them.

Best of luck in what sounds like a really difficult time.
 
Sorry @Minlak for all your woes. That catalog you just listed tells me this stuff is piling up on top of you. Continued stress like this will lead to clinical depression if there is no hope of improvement. If you feel like there is no hope then you might already be there. Get some professional help.

Other things you can do to minimise stress. Ride more! Improve your sleep, and cut out coffee. Talk about your feelins with your wife. As yuley said you can't minimise or ignore this the only way is to deal with it. I am sorry.
 
Minlak said:
Can't remember where I was up to so will cover it all - You might want some nourishment for this one before you start to read - also ignore speeling as I don't want to google so many words :)

Still going to the Thoracic team in Brisbane for the Pulmonary Embolisms (almost a year now) - Not really sure why as the last doctor said "we normally only follow up for 6 mths) - Finally off the blood thinners as the last doctor also said as there was a clear "event" hospitalisation that the clots can be attributed to and they have since cleared you dont need to take them (the doctor 3 mths earlier said as the was NO clear cause I have to take them for life) - So PE is cleared and I am off the thinners.

Heart :- They were not really answering questions regarding my right side of the heart so went private - Had a halter monitor / calcium score / PE CT Scan / Stress test Echo Cardiogram.
Right side of the heart and the valves etc are fine - Stress test is fine - Bloods suggest cholesterol is on the high side of okay so just needs to be monitored - I do however have ectopic heart beats - This means I have extra beats 2% - 5% they dont care - Above 5% they monitor I have 10% which is too many so I am now on Beta blockers for the ectopic beats - as long as its controlled not really an issue

Anemia - So my new GP did blood tests and they showed a steady rapid decline in Iron levels - given my history they arrange Endoscope and Colonoscopy - they came through clear ( although do have osephageal reflux) - So now we are at taking Iron Tablets and a Multivitamin and retesting - If the iron levles have not risen on next blood test I will have to have the capsual scans on my small intestine (you swallow a camera and it takes photos until you shit it out)

Sleep Apnea - Had a sleep study and a treatment study - Have to get a CPAP machine and use it as I now have diagnosed sleep apnea ( we changed Private health providers and just have to sort it out )

Knee - my right knee was operated on a couple of years ago and "tidied up" removed miniscus and was told thats about it when its too painful you get a new knee - last 3 months has seen a steady increase in pain so that is probably coming up soon now too.

Mental Health - So the Mother In law has moved in with us - She has mild dementia / lymphoma / and old (83) frail - She had to have a skin cancer removed last week from her face which went badly with infection and bleeding and she ended up in hospital the last 4 days - Turns out on testing the skin cancer is some rare form that only 3 people in a million get and is super aggressive and travels to the lymph nodes etc and spreads - It could be possible to try and cut around the site (2 cms in all directions so removal of the jaw etc) and then treat with radiation - but she already has heart condition and lymphoma and dementia so will need pallative care to monitor pain and pretty much just die.

So I don't really have attachments emotionally to people so its not that her dying is upsetting me - i am feeling really bad as I am super agitated about stupid stuff and feel really bad that I am agitated by this stuff whilst she is pretty much just coming here to die.

I lost my TV (as if she is in the loungeroom she is watching it)
I lost my bathroom as she needs specials tool to shower and has stuff all over the sink
I lost my daughters bedroom as she has moved in there (my daughter doesnt even live here)
I lost my toilet as it had to be modified to allow her to use it
My wife is our main source of income in the household as our business relies on her - if she doesnt work we dont get paid ( i already didnt take wages for the first 3 months this year as she was helping her mom move and wasnt working enough) and now its the same having to do all the stuff for her mum means she isnt working enough and them when the mom dies dies it will be upsetting for my wife (understandably) and we have no buffer as she already isnt working enough helping her mum.
We lost money as had planned to go away last weekend and couldnt go as the mother was too sick - so now we cant plan anything as a couple until the mother passes

I cant go and get another job as I have clients to see for our work now and they are spread all through the week,


So mentally I feel terrible cause I have focused on these petty things in the larger picture - which I also may be doing to avoid focusing on the actual picture ./Shrug Pretty much feel like I ama terrible person atm
Click to expand...
Dude, you have an absolute fuckton of ultra-heavy shit to deal with.
Any one of us would find it overwhelming.
Our own minds can really be a bit of a cunt in finding stuff for us to feel guilty about for no good fucking reason.
Just observing, it seems like your mother in law really needs to be in a nursing home, or palliative care, it's putting a big extra load on your household
If you haven't had an assessment from myagedcare now's the time to get it arranged.
If she doesn't go into a nursing home or palliative care, there are home care services (from general help to helping bathe and dress your MIL) that can attract subsidies. Realistically though, from what you've described, She might need to go straight to palliative care (after being assessed).
I suspect palliative care might be the most comfortable option for her, and there will be a whole team to look after her.

www.myagedcare.gov.au

Apply for aged care services

Find out how to apply for the right aged care service for you. You can start the process by applying online or calling My Aged Care.
www.myagedcare.gov.au www.myagedcare.gov.au
 
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Minlak said:
Can't remember where I was up to so will cover it all - You might want some nourishment for this one before you start to read - also ignore speeling as I don't want to google so many words :)

Still going to the Thoracic team in Brisbane for the Pulmonary Embolisms (almost a year now) - Not really sure why as the last doctor said "we normally only follow up for 6 mths) - Finally off the blood thinners as the last doctor also said as there was a clear "event" hospitalisation that the clots can be attributed to and they have since cleared you dont need to take them (the doctor 3 mths earlier said as the was NO clear cause I have to take them for life) - So PE is cleared and I am off the thinners.

Heart :- They were not really answering questions regarding my right side of the heart so went private - Had a halter monitor / calcium score / PE CT Scan / Stress test Echo Cardiogram.
Right side of the heart and the valves etc are fine - Stress test is fine - Bloods suggest cholesterol is on the high side of okay so just needs to be monitored - I do however have ectopic heart beats - This means I have extra beats 2% - 5% they dont care - Above 5% they monitor I have 10% which is too many so I am now on Beta blockers for the ectopic beats - as long as its controlled not really an issue

Anemia - So my new GP did blood tests and they showed a steady rapid decline in Iron levels - given my history they arrange Endoscope and Colonoscopy - they came through clear ( although do have osephageal reflux) - So now we are at taking Iron Tablets and a Multivitamin and retesting - If the iron levles have not risen on next blood test I will have to have the capsual scans on my small intestine (you swallow a camera and it takes photos until you shit it out)

Sleep Apnea - Had a sleep study and a treatment study - Have to get a CPAP machine and use it as I now have diagnosed sleep apnea ( we changed Private health providers and just have to sort it out )

Knee - my right knee was operated on a couple of years ago and "tidied up" removed miniscus and was told thats about it when its too painful you get a new knee - last 3 months has seen a steady increase in pain so that is probably coming up soon now too.

Mental Health - So the Mother In law has moved in with us - She has mild dementia / lymphoma / and old (83) frail - She had to have a skin cancer removed last week from her face which went badly with infection and bleeding and she ended up in hospital the last 4 days - Turns out on testing the skin cancer is some rare form that only 3 people in a million get and is super aggressive and travels to the lymph nodes etc and spreads - It could be possible to try and cut around the site (2 cms in all directions so removal of the jaw etc) and then treat with radiation - but she already has heart condition and lymphoma and dementia so will need pallative care to monitor pain and pretty much just die.

So I don't really have attachments emotionally to people so its not that her dying is upsetting me - i am feeling really bad as I am super agitated about stupid stuff and feel really bad that I am agitated by this stuff whilst she is pretty much just coming here to die.

I lost my TV (as if she is in the loungeroom she is watching it)
I lost my bathroom as she needs specials tool to shower and has stuff all over the sink
I lost my daughters bedroom as she has moved in there (my daughter doesnt even live here)
I lost my toilet as it had to be modified to allow her to use it
My wife is our main source of income in the household as our business relies on her - if she doesnt work we dont get paid ( i already didnt take wages for the first 3 months this year as she was helping her mom move and wasnt working enough) and now its the same having to do all the stuff for her mum means she isnt working enough and them when the mom dies dies it will be upsetting for my wife (understandably) and we have no buffer as she already isnt working enough helping her mum.
We lost money as had planned to go away last weekend and couldnt go as the mother was too sick - so now we cant plan anything as a couple until the mother passes

I cant go and get another job as I have clients to see for our work now and they are spread all through the week,


So mentally I feel terrible cause I have focused on these petty things in the larger picture - which I also may be doing to avoid focusing on the actual picture ./Shrug Pretty much feel like I ama terrible person atm
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear Minlak.
If you both aren't earning much you might be eligible for a carer's allowance or pension.
 
Thats full on @Minlak

This bit in particular resonates with me:
Minlak said:
i am feeling really bad as I am super agitated about stupid stuff and feel really bad that I am agitated by this stuff
Click to expand...

I was in a similar position a few years ago where I was angry and getting agitated by pretty much everything and in a shitty mood constantly. I went to the Docs and asked him to refer me to a Psych
Going and speaking to someone who doesn't know you directly and unloading on them was a huge catharsis - a bit like unloading to anonymous internet people
You still get 10 sessions subsidised by Medicare and I think I ended up paying $10 for an hour when I was going.
If you haven't looked into it, I highly recommend it.
 
Rorschach said:
Going back over the posts above made me realise I haven't updated in 3 months. Been meaning to, but lose track of time.

Things are pretty settled on the dexys. I've lost a solid 10kgs, which is another 3kg since my post above. No gym, nothing special, just not hitting the biscuit fridge and burning nervous energy working and fidgeting!
A lot of my clothes are hanging off me though, especially my jeans. I had to get 2 extra notches put into my belt the other week (and forgot my work belt, so that still needs doing!), and I can take the damn things off without undoing them.
My riding shorts are noticeably too big - they were probably a size too big to start with but they're now falling down and becoming a distraction!
The afternoon 5mg of straight dexy is not doing much at the minute though, so I'm going to get that reviewed at my next appointment. I had a 40th on Saturday and after a morning ride and pump track session coupled with no sleep I ended up taking another one at 6pm (which I've never done), and it did pretty much nothing.
Still getting through the work, still focusing to the point where I haven't drunk my coffee or gotten up for a piss. Am forgetting to drink my water though, which isn't great. Have put it more front and centre though so I can see it when I'm working, which is helping there!

One thing I've been going through recently though is I found out a couple of weeks ago that my Mum has both bowel and kidney cancer, which fucking sucks. The following couple of days were shit, but this is different to my brothers Stage 4 diagnosis a couple of years ago in that this was caught as the result of a preventative bowel screen, and an MRI as the CT caught something on a kidney. Luckily they are 2 completely separate cancers and so neither have spread, and they are both completely operable.
I found out 2 weeks ago (my folks had known for longer but held off telling me and my brother til they had more info), and she's (tentatively) booked in for surgery next week to have a section of bowel out and the offending kidney removed. She's totally fine and has no symptoms which is great (and tbh really fucking scary) so I think I'm going to go to the docs and get myself screened - 2 immediate family members with cancer isn't sitting well with me.
I'm feeling OK about this one though - it's been caught early and can be fixed. I don't feel the need to fly back (and would go mad if I did), but if things start to turn I will.
Click to expand...
Looks like I've not been overly active recently - another 4 months between updates.

Few things happening recently:
  • Still on the dexies. See, to have settled at about 94kg, which is an overall drop of 12kg since the start of the year. No real updates from above
  • Mum is cancer free. They hacked out her kidney and a section of bowel and all of the follow-up testing came back negative, so it hadn't metastasised anywhere else, thank Jeebus. When she said her follow-up appointments with the specialists were phone appointments we took it as the good sign it turned out to be
  • My brother has had a very slight downturn in that one of his tumours has gotten very slightly bigger and he's had some swelling of his lymph nodes. He was referred to the Royal Marsden hospital in London, which is a specialist oncology hospital and has managed to get onto a drug trial a few weeks ago. Just waiting to see what happens now really!
Probably the biggest one personally is that we found out we have another little one on the way next year. This one really threw me and it's taken a fair few weeks to come around to it as I'm struggling with having 3 kids knocking around, let alone adding a fourth.
While I won't say I'm thrilled at the prospect, I'm less against it than I was and maybe even slightly looking forward to it, but that really depends on the day.
What it does mean is that while the wife was due to go back to work in Jan, she'll only be there for ~4 months before taking a year off (again...) so we'll be down to a single income. The upside is that she works for WA health and gets 3 months full time or 6 months half time maternity leave which will help.
I also worked my arse off for a promotion which came through this month, so while the pay will go up, it'll get absorbed by other stuff unfortunately.
In addition, we're having to pick up a bigger car (Kia Carnival) and boy are they not cheap. Being ahead on the mortgage and able to use the redraw really helped there.
 
ForkinGreat said:
Just observing, it seems like your mother in law really needs to be in a nursing home, or palliative care, it's putting a big extra load on your household
If you haven't had an assessment from myagedcare now's the time to get it arranged.
Click to expand...
Second this. @Minlak having been through something similar the past few years until the point of no return was reached a few months ago, respite or palliative care is the absolute best outcome for all concerned. Getting a MyAgedCare assessment fast tracked the next time your MIL goes into hospital is usually pretty straightforward especially considering they'll have her medical history on hand - and if you get a sympathetic nurse / staff on side it'll move even faster. Explain everything - including all the gory details and if they're good they'll do the rest. The most tedious stuff are the financial assessments but in my experience Centrelink were very, very helpful.

My situation almost broke me and I a) did not have the person living with me and b) did not have pre-existing health conditions of my own to deal with (although I sure did develop some). From the sounds of it your situation offers you no respite and no escape. It's not an outcome that's going to be good for any of you.
 
Thanks everyone for listening and the advice - I will clear a few things up to loop you all in.

My Wife wants to have her mother here with her as long as possible - The Nurse Navigator visited today and outlined the support they can provide as the MIL(mother in law) has essentially entered palliative care - The MIL has declined further as it also appears the valve in her heart they fixed years ago is failing as well - She is already shorter of breath and not moving around as well. Conversations today suggested the quicker the decline the quicker the end will be here and even I have noticed the MIL has declined in the last few weeks - There is no treatment for her heart and the heart means she would not survive the possible treatment of the cancer as the treatment for the cancer will only add more time not a cure.

So we are looking at within a few months but essentially anytime from now.

My wife is a qualified nurse (long time ago) and currently a Physiotherapist and is well aware of what she is undertaking and due to the work we already do with NDIS etc we are aware of things like My Aged care etc which she already has but at the lowest entry point - She will need more from them but the time to get it sorted will probably mean it will be over by then. So the main help is from the Palliative care teams they are well equipped and help straight away there is not wait list for the services.

I really do appreciate the support and the comments from this group - every comment was treated with a helpful nod as I read them - there is no one I am comfortable discussing this with and not likely to seek assistance with it.
 
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Minlak said:
"edited "
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The pig wanted to let you know, you're doing better than most who are dealing with a fraction of the shite going on in your life, do your best... that's all you can do.. and know that if push comes to shove and you need an ear to bash... there's some well wicked critters here on this here web site that would be willing to sit down and listen....

s
 
Today we spent time spinning round and round in a large comfortable reclining chair, the chair was in a room in a hospital, the room... well, it's in the palative care section of the hospital we were in.... top floor... with vertigo inducing views [{ why the living fork would you put floor to roof windows on the top floor] - pig, please.... .]

In the hospital bed in the room, is my best mate since high school,and high school was many year ago for us..we're not sure how we met... it's lost in the fog of time... no matter what, we've been in touch since. We've been there for each other..... just a simple email, a fart as a voice message, a gif of something we'd both snigger at....

He's had all the cancers, its been two years since I dropped a bunch of key rings (they were fluffy with googly eyes) that were toys of all the organs they just removed from him to help rid him of the cancer, it was a big ball of keyrings.... He was in the same hospital, same building - maybe - once again, the fog of time clouds the view.

We chatted today.... it was pretty hard to be without excess eye lubrication, he's pretty doped up... He spoke of the future, the near future... though, we doubt he'll make it that far. His doctors have stopped helping him, as... anything they do from now, just shortens his time here.. We tried to be stoic?

He's got a wife, a young kid.....

Just a note, reach out, leave a fart as a voice mail message to that mate/friend you've been meaning to message..... time, it's limited.

S
 
An update.....

My mate fought as well as he could, but the laws of biology, physics and chemistry bow to no man or woman.

Our phone exploded on Xmas eve as we drove to see mama pig.....

Mate has slipped away..... The celebration of life last friday was tough, real tough... We have a small speech... But, there were little boxes of bird seeds and a message from our mate to feed the birds and think of him.....

Well, we know some birds....

Once again, reach out to mates, new and old, struggling and 'not struggling' ... And check in. Xmas new years can be a real mental pigstye

Take care.fellow young rotorburners.

Pig and parasite
 
Spanky_Ham said:
An update.....

My mate fought as well as he could, but the laws of biology, physics and chemistry bow to no man or woman.

Our phone exploded on Xmas eve as we drove to see mama pig.....

Mate has slipped away..... The celebration of life last friday was tough, real tough... We have a small speech... But, there were little boxes of bird seeds and a message from our mate to feed the birds and think of him.....

Well, we know some birds....

Once again, reach out to mates, new and old, struggling and 'not struggling' ... And check in. Xmas new years can be a real mental pigstye

Take care.fellow young rotorburners.

Pig and parasite
Click to expand...
Good message Pig. Sorry to hear about your mate. Life can be cruel.
 
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