Chicks and just my stuff.

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0psi

Eats Squid
Another thread because it's a big deal and I'm a big deal.
*Okay I don't think I'm that big a deal but I'm kinda cool and know stuff and I'm too drunk to find the other thread. Please help.

AITA for wanting to leave my fiancée because of a 'friendship' with a former flame.

So. I started seeing my fiancée just under 2 years ago. She's cool, attractive, fun to hang out with, all the things a guy might want.

But early on she kept talking about the last guy she seriously dated. I can fill in the blanks if needed but TLDR she said they struggled to maintain a platonic relationship after they stopped dating. As he came up in conversation regularly, especially if she was drunk, and if she was really drunk, "they tried to be friends but couldn't stop fucking." Her words, not mine.

I tried to end it as I felt she wasn't over him, which was fine, emotions are complicated, but she assured me he was a trivial unimportant person in her life. I chalked it up to my own insecurities but couldn't help but notice they still followed eachother on socials etc.

It never sat well with me.

Fast forward to last week. We are having lunch and she has her phone in hand showing me something and he messages. Not my finest moment but when I get home I check her tablet to find a message from about 7 weeks ago (or to put it another way, 9 months after we got engaged and 11 months before the wedding) saying

"I'm not going to spout romantic clichés about the one that got away. But I said it the other night. No one has ever just 'got me'. You did. You do. You have - and I am sure will always be - the one I wonder about. You're my unanswered question. I think you and I as a we could have been brilliant. But we never tried."


Am I right to be leaving her or am I the insecure asshole who is overreacting?
 

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The Reverend

The Reverend

Likes Bikes and Dirt
Tough situation, and emotions are difficult.

In short, no. You're not wrong. Leave her and move on. In your situation I'd do the same and wouldn't look back.

Stay strong. That mess will always stink up a relationship and you're better off without it.

If she really cared about you and made your relationship a priority she would have terminated all contact with him. She hasn't. Actions speak volumes.

And don't believe that she'll now cut him out of her life.
If she does she'll resent you for it.
If she doesn't you'll feel compromised.
If she says she will and reneges you'll feel betrayed.

No kids involved or significant financial investments? Move on and count your blessings.

If you do try to work it out, don't say you weren't warned.
 
Oddjob

Oddjob

Merry fucking Xmas to you assholes
I'm a weirdo in that I have a good relationship with most of my ex's. In fact, my teenage sweetheart is still one of my best friends and I've been helping her with her divorce.

Marriage is a commitment from both of you. And both of you need to figure out what you are willing to tolerate and sacrifice to be married. There are things about my wife that used to drive me nuts, but being married to her is so important to me I learned to change. Kids are a next level stressor, but we're making it work somehow.

I think you owe it to yourself to talk it out with your fiancee. You don't own them, but equally you can decide on what terms you will associate with them. If you can't work it out then so be it.

But, and this is a big but, compared to thrashing out mortgages, wills, property, kids, work/life arrangements - ex's are small beer. If she can't see where you're coming from, and meet you somewhere in the middle then I would be very worried about those harder challenges ahead.

Sent from my M2012K11AG using Tapatalk
 
pink poodle

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
I have nothing good to throw in here...

Every ex I have maintained any contact with has been purely for the purpose of fucking. Sometimes it even becomes a bit of a game to see how long I can juggle them in with my new social life for. If she hasn't been fucking this douche already, he is just going to keep chipping away until she cracks and gives it up because...ego and curiousity.

You could confront her on it, leave the bit about looking at the iPad out of it though. Having seen the message from him pop up in the situation you describe should be enough grounds to kick off a conversation. If she lies about it all being innocent, and there's nothing there, and he is just a friend, and he knows the score, hit the ripcord. But do it real gentle like and don't make a big thing out it. The more ambiguous you leave it, the more it will shit her. And whatever you do don't tell her you snooped on that iPad.









Then get yourself in the zone and fuck her inside out. Not just a good one, the best one! The biggest longest bestest most intimate and deeply connected ever... something nobody will ever live up to again, ever. And cut her off completely, left to wander the earth trying to find the dick of life, knowing she had it and didn't appreciate it. There's nothing like the power of revenge to really get you giving it up good, or so I've heard.



 
LPG

LPG

likes thicc birds
The mature thing to do is to leave and tell her it is because she isn't over him. Tell her no contact for 6 months and if she wants to get back together after she can contact you then. You need to go into a marriage with both of you having done what you need outside of marriage first.

Ultimately whatever you do I would back away from anything like marriage, moving in together etc.
 
teK--

teK--

Eats Squid
Tough one mate, and I feel for you.

It's OK to have residual feelings for someone who used to be important in your life, as long as you can control those feelings. But it's not OK to speak to that person about your hypothetical what-if's. It shows she has doubts and it is also unfair on the ex (whether or not they were official status doesn't matter).

She is being unfair both to you and to Daniel. She just needs to figure out what the hell she really wants before getting into a marriage which makes an uncertain decision even messier.

If you are thinking about changing the marriage plans I would be real careful about getting all your finances and other stuff in order in case of a messy breakup. Get legal advice if you feel the need.

Hope it works out either way.
 
safreek

safreek

*******
I have nothing to offer as I am a totally trusting person, I only let facts change my way of thinking. I am like oddjob, only one relationship finished on bad terms

Was it her or him that wrote the below statement, if him I wouldn't worry, if her I would run.

I'm not going to spout romantic clichés about the one that got away. But I said it the other night. No one has ever just 'got me'. You did. You do. You have - and I am sure will always be - the one I wonder about. You're my unanswered question. I think you and I as a we could have been brilliant. But we never tried."
 
K

kten

understands stuff moorey doesn't
Daniel is a fuckwit. He needs an uppercut.

You need to remove your self from this whirlwind of emotions I'm sure you are feeling for just 30secs and give yourself some good advice. No marriage survives with this sort of nonsense at the beginning. You need to be with someone who wants to be with you the same amount as you want to be with them. Be strong and carve a better life.

She has already cheated imo.
 
teK--

teK--

Eats Squid
pink poodle said:
I have nothing good to throw in here...

Every ex I have maintained any contact with has been purely for the purpose of fucking. Sometimes it even becomes a bit of a game to see how long I can juggle them in with my new social life for. If she hasn't been fucking this douche already, he is just going to keep chipping away until she cracks and gives it up because...ego and curiousity.

You could confront her on it, leave the bit about looking at the iPad out of it though. Having seen the message from him pop up in the situation you describe should be enough grounds to kick off a conversation. If she lies about it all being innocent, and there's nothing there, and he is just a friend, and he knows the score, hit the ripcord. But do it real gentle like and don't make a big thing out it. The more ambiguous you leave it, the more it will shit her. And whatever you do don't tell her you snooped on that iPad.









Then get yourself in the zone and fuck her inside out. Not just a good one, the best one! The biggest longest bestest most intimate and deeply connected ever... something nobody will ever live up to again, ever. And cut her off completely, left to wander the earth trying to find the dick of life, knowing she had it and didn't appreciate it. There's nothing like the power of revenge to really get you giving it up good, or so I've heard.



Click to expand...
Where is this mystical dick of life? I need to hide it from my missus.
 
ForkinGreat

ForkinGreat

Knows his Brassica oleracea
As per just about every poster here, get any legal advice you need re breaking up, and GTFO.

If your partner hasn't already been fucking her ex, she WILL BE. only a matter of time.
one instance of you not being in the mood, one instance of an argument, one whatever.

Has she changed her hairstyle recently? got a bunch of new clothes? Spring in her step? <--- They are already fucking.

Avoid marrying your partner, it will be way more messy and expensive to divorce her. Time to walk away.
 
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