This is the funniest thing I have read on "Rotorburn" in the last 6 months!Definitely sounds like the "long-distance thing" isn't working out between you two.
You might be presently surprised by the minx around the corner- it sounds like you might have already been inside?
You could try some of the following lines with Albury:
"We need to talk..."
"It's not you, its me"
"You've changed"
"There's someone else"
"Let's be friends"
Pure GOLD!
+1 for what he said.