When I used to run the downhill club in these parts I had this guy that went around town telling people how much he helped out at the races, said was good mates with ol' Doze yet he had never even been to the venue nor had much to do with me other than saying hi when he zoomed past on his XC bike on my morning walk. Years later I'm walking my little Pup along a wide shared path just behind our beautiful beaches stopping to say hi to all the new things my Pup is learning. Labs are friendly, she's the happiest dog on earth and loves to make people smile; its absolutely the best lesson in how to live your life. Anyway, we're stopped doing a sniff with another dog and occupying two thirds the width of the path for a few seconds. All the passers by are saying hi and smiling at the happy Pups. In the distance I see this guy approaching in Boost mode, head kinda down and fucking motoring. He rides with a half face helmet that has no visor so he looks the proper cockhead. He gets twenty meters away, locks up showing off and stops a couple of meters from the girl holding the other dog lead. This moron then yells at the small group of happy folks saying "Fucking retards! Move you spastics". I was furious, I let him know the thoughts of the collective group and ventured off again with Pup. I had a great play on the beach with Pup and made my way back to the beachside coffee hut adjoining the next beach along our coast. At that beach inside the harbour, once a month heaps of volunteers get together and run the "Surfing for the disabled" day. Its the best! They have huge boards, chairs with big floaty wheels then they make a line in the water so they can push people on the boards along the line to the shore. It totally restores your faith in humans again, it really is the best thing to see. They have so many volunteers for this that they almost have too many people in the water helping, so good to see. Anyway, my beautiful wife has arrived after her gym class, we're chatting away watching the harbour and who rocks up? Captain fuckwit on his ebike that made his presence known an hour earlier on the shared path. I'm not one to miss an opportunity so I handed the Pup lead over, sat my cup down and said "I'll be back in a sec". Captain fuckwit has parked his Jetski of the mountain bike world in a spot where everyone can admire his shaved legs and sits on the steps with a huff of pretend exhaustion. I stood in a spot kinda next to & behind him so the shadow stood over him. In his direct view is the quickshade that the volunteers have set up. He looked up all sassy at me and realised the silhouette was the guy he just got all lippy at. I said "Oi fuck features. How about you mouth off again about disabled people you fucking hero". He tried to backpedal, said he was talking about blah blah blah. I knelt down beside him and said quietly enough "You fucking ride like that in a crowd again near me you'll be needing to make a booking to get a spot in the water with these cool cats".
I didn't smell the wee that he excreted but he took off real quick. His shitbox ebike was in top gear but was turned off so he looked like a real wanker riding off mashing gears and trying to clip in. I had quite the chuckle. I sat back down. Wifey topped the ocassion off by saying "Is that the wanker that rides the B lines on the XC tracks?" Boy I laughed.
