Women, etc.
- Thread starter Matt H
- Start date
Norco Maniac
Is back!
i've been in a similar situation both on the giving and receiving ends. the guy who i wanted to date wanted me to hang out all the time, we were practically together 24/7, and all it did was make things more confusing and hurtful, especially as we were very affectionate friends. i have another male friend who's been trying to date me for two years, and every time i start hanging out with him again he starts pushing, so i remove myself again. he's a great guy, but due to incompatible lifestyles it's just not going to happen, and if i hang out with him he'll just keep getting the wrong idea and be hurt.
the more you hang out with her the longer it will drag on. it sounds harsh, but you'll just have to avoid her for a while.
About to embark on a yet another voyage.
Missus has finally been diagnosed - click here for a detailed account of our life for the last 3 years - http://www.bpdsecrets.com/does-my-girlfriend-have-borderline-personality-disorder/
It's been a hell of a rollercoaster and truth be told, I am sceptical that she is capable of the promises she is making. Her family all like me and have sort of convinced me she has seen the light and is ready to knuckle down and get her shit sorted. I'm 25 now and it freaks me a little...25 ain't so young any more and I know that 30 will be here before I know it. Regardless, she's a top bird and I'm pretty sure I'll give it a red hot go before bailing. The ironic thing is that her condition exemplifies itself in close relationships...the result potentially being that if I stick by her while she gets it sorted over the next 1-2 years...she could very well come out the other side happy, healthy and with the realisation that she actually doesn't love me. Knowing my luck...
Missus has finally been diagnosed - click here for a detailed account of our life for the last 3 years - http://www.bpdsecrets.com/does-my-girlfriend-have-borderline-personality-disorder/
It's been a hell of a rollercoaster and truth be told, I am sceptical that she is capable of the promises she is making. Her family all like me and have sort of convinced me she has seen the light and is ready to knuckle down and get her shit sorted. I'm 25 now and it freaks me a little...25 ain't so young any more and I know that 30 will be here before I know it. Regardless, she's a top bird and I'm pretty sure I'll give it a red hot go before bailing. The ironic thing is that her condition exemplifies itself in close relationships...the result potentially being that if I stick by her while she gets it sorted over the next 1-2 years...she could very well come out the other side happy, healthy and with the realisation that she actually doesn't love me. Knowing my luck...
Sam.
Eats Squid
So... Apparently my ex girlfriend has devoted every few posts or there abouts on her "tumblr?" blog to write something derogatory towards me, how much of an asshole i am, all this stuff i apparently do to her etc etc although I haven't made contact with her or even attempted to since the day we broke up when I cut ties completely. Now I'm not familiar with tumblr, she knows this, and has me blocked on Facebook which is more than fine by me, so I'm thinking she is seeking sympathy over her blog or whatever it is and whinging to all her friends because she can't do it over facebook as her mum monitors her page. It apparently has been going on for a while but one of my younger friends recently stumbled upon her page and brought it to my attention. I totally understand that everyone needs to vent but I think making posts about someone that not only tarnish their reputation but are also untrue starts to cross the line a bit.
Where the problem lies is that I'm not sure who her audience is so I'm not sure on what course of action I should take. It doesn't worry me too much but rumours spread fast especially throughout an online audience, and I want to cover myself to make sure that my reputation isn't tarnished too much. Should I just not worry about it and get on with my life and a happy relationship or should I contact her or her family in some way to put a stop to it?
Bit of a pickle! Cheers guys.
Where the problem lies is that I'm not sure who her audience is so I'm not sure on what course of action I should take. It doesn't worry me too much but rumours spread fast especially throughout an online audience, and I want to cover myself to make sure that my reputation isn't tarnished too much. Should I just not worry about it and get on with my life and a happy relationship or should I contact her or her family in some way to put a stop to it?
Bit of a pickle! Cheers guys.
Hew
Likes Dirt
On my phone so I can't multiquote, but thanks for the advice guys (and gals). Since I was last here the plot has got quite a lot thicker... And more confusing.
I've broken up with my girlfriend right? Let's call her A. Well I still care about her like nothing else and she's my best mate so I'm trying my best to just be friends with her while she's trying to do the same. We're still having sex on occassion so that's a headfuck like nothing else, this while I try my best not to hurt her and treat her well, but then it gets worse: I've got this other girl who's in love with me yeah? Let's call her B. So I'm trying my best not to completely break B's heart, which is fucked, but the worst thing about that? My best mate is completely and utterly besotted with B, while all B can talk about around him is me. So thats rubbish. And oh it gets worse, I have serious feelings for girl C who's in a relationship, and she feels the same way. Oh and she lives in another state.
The joys of teenage romance.
I've broken up with my girlfriend right? Let's call her A. Well I still care about her like nothing else and she's my best mate so I'm trying my best to just be friends with her while she's trying to do the same. We're still having sex on occassion so that's a headfuck like nothing else, this while I try my best not to hurt her and treat her well, but then it gets worse: I've got this other girl who's in love with me yeah? Let's call her B. So I'm trying my best not to completely break B's heart, which is fucked, but the worst thing about that? My best mate is completely and utterly besotted with B, while all B can talk about around him is me. So thats rubbish. And oh it gets worse, I have serious feelings for girl C who's in a relationship, and she feels the same way. Oh and she lives in another state.
The joys of teenage romance.
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Matt H
Eats Squid
Do you know any law students? Write up a phony cease and desist and mail it to her, make it look legit with a proper letterhead etc. Should scare her enough to remove the posts.
If it is actually slander, that is...
Norco Maniac
Is back!
before you commit to another few years on the rollercoaster, ask yourself just how committed she is to sorting herself. it's a hell of a long, painful process to get well, with no guarantees that she will heal. it's going to take a lot of therapy to even make a dent in it...mental health issues are always hard to beat.
my advice would be to run, very fast, and very far away.
Sam.
Eats Squid
I'm quite certain there are multiple examples of slanderous posts though with the frequency she posts at trawling through her blog will take some time. I'm not so much worried about posts already made because the amount of people willing to go through her blog and read it all would be a select few but I'd prefer she didn't post any future ones, if that makes any sense.
Red Rocket
Likes Bikes and Dirt
Defamation and libel are very serious issues. I know this is just a tumblr, but what she's doing is illegal if it's a) possible to identify that it is you that she's writing about (she doesn't necessarily have to name names, so long as there is a reasonable association) and b) if what she is saying is untrue (you can't get shitty with her for calling you a ginger if you really do have red hair). Send her (/her parents is this is a teenage relationship) a polite but firm letter explaining that her actions constitute defamation of character, and that unless she stops posting crap and removes what's already been written, you'll have to consult legal assistance. I know it sounds bullshit and annoying, but you don't want prospective employers finding erroneous shit that's been written about you by a vindictive ex, and assuming it's fact. Act swiftly.
Tristan23
Farkin guerilla
Red Rocket is, as always, the voice of reason and truth. Once anything is on the internet it can and will be seen, and unless you're the person who put it there or have control over who's posting and viewing it, there's a good chance it'll stay there for a very long time. Who knows what might happen in the future, so you're definitely better off safeguarding yourself with a few simple but firm actions now rather than waiting for shit to hit the fan in an even more serious and detrimental way.
To be honest, she sounds like a typical, prissy, attention seeking teenage kid (mother monitoring her Facebook, got a Tumblr, complains, etc) so either a firm letter to her parents or her (not written by you specifically) will probably shut her up and/or get her grounded.
And if all of these options fail...well...i'd better not put that bit on the internet...
dog boy
Likes Dirt
I had a similar thing. Head fuck of a girl that liked me was writing all this shit about me on tumblr. One day it would be "oh I love him so much" next day "what an asshole" A friend told me about it thats how I found it. what I did was I made a tumblr, kept it "anonymous" didnt tell anyone it was me, "followed her" read about 2 months of stuff mainly cause I was fucking with her and then seeing what reaction it had via reading her posts. Then after 2 months "oh yer thats me, I thought you knew"
Regan of Gong
Likes Dirt
lol link to tumblr..?
I'll send her anon messages about her weight.
I'll send her anon messages about her weight.
Sam.
Eats Squid
I had a decent look through her posts and there were maybe two things posted that were slanderous upon second looks, basically accusing me of cheating which didn't happen and lying/breaking her trust. My word against hers so it can't really be proved right? This girl is almost 18 too, for the record... her mum is a whole other story. The rest basically involves "Sam Tolhurst is an asshole" and multiple variations of that spread over pages of her blog. So not slanderous, just petty and immature, which doesn't surprise me it's just frustrating. So based on the premise that there isn't a whole lot of slander on there and its mostly just petty little whinges about me for sympathy (for the record we broke it off over a year ago and this is still going on), what are my options?
indica
Serial flasher
Stop reading it.
Why, honestly , would you give a fuck what someone else says / thinks about you?
I really don't see how it matters.
Red Rocket
Likes Bikes and Dirt
If she's called you an asshole, then it is still defamation. Pursue it, don't be slack.
If I was employing someone, and I saw that someone they knew had written a whole lot of shit about them that they hadn't bothered to correct, then I'd see that as a pretty big mark against their name, regardless of whether or not said shit was true or not. I know it's tempting to take it on the chin like a man and ignore it, but this isn't a pithy retort on facebook, it seems to be an ongoing fusillade of bullshit. You're better off just dealing with it maturely now and having it removed, imo.