Alright guys, I need some help. Fortunately (I think) I'm not tryin to woo the heart of some fine lady. Instead, I'm stuck with buying a birthday present for a girl. I automatically thought of a nice bracelet or necklace or any number of those type of things girls like, however our history makes me hesitant. For the better part of the year, we were pretty close, we had our fair share of intimate encounters. UNfortunately, it never went any futher than that but we were, and still are pretty good friends. She now has a boyfriend which doesn't help my cause...
As I said, I'm thinking of a bracelet or something similar but I don't want it to send the wrong message. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to outdo her dude, nor do I want it to seem as though I'm trying to re-ignite something. I want it to be simply a "we're good friends and, as you're a girl, I'm getting you a nice girly gift for your birthday." Maybe I'm over thinking it, but some advice would be handy in determining what to get.
My housemate suggested I get her a gift card but that's a bit of a cop out present...
I'm not pushing this onto but I'm reading between the lines here and thinking you want to bang her brains out. My suggestion? Catch her unawares and by herself, perhaps even when she heads up the hallway at a party real soon and push her against the wall, that'll get her attention. Then.....just stare at her (smiling of course, not in a Ted Bundy kind of way) and give her the impression you mean to kiss her. Then, pull the little present out with some nice fancy jewellery packaging on it. This is the moment right now; the moment she weighs up that this present could be either jewellery of a crappy joke where you pretend it's jewellery. Watch her closely and if she hesitates uncomfortably you need to get the fuck out of there, it ain't gonna happen regardless of what's in the box. Now if she keeps looking at the box then slowly looks up at you with "that" look then you know it's time to be that guy she always thinks of. Take control and plant it on her, even if someone is coming up the hallway. You need to make it clear that she is picking you over captain douchebag. He'll understand, he knows there is history and he'll take it like a man knowing that you were the better man all along.
Leave the party and make up for lost time. Don't answer your phone but end any calls that come through so your mates know you're all good, they'll watch your back.
Of course, this plan can be foiled if captain douchebag is tough and this bird sets him onto you for touching his stuff. In that case, you'll have two options: One is to lock yourself in the toilet and brew something really unearthly and stink the house out.....then bolt. The second option is dive through the nearest window and bolt. I mean dive through the glass, smash it to pieces and leave an impression on the girl who may find it arousing to see a guy she obviously has feelings for doing something so manly. Now the positive of that scenario is the fact that captain douchebag won't pursue you because he's a pussy and would look really fucking stupid diving through an already broken and clear window. Who does that! No, he'll just get that "I'll get you Bette Midler" look on his face and badly hug the horny girl. After that? Well, after that you'll be trotting down the street half pissed knowing that whatever you did that night will have lest some sort of positive impression on the girl that may lead to other encounters. You've outshone douchebag and you've set a precedent to show other dudes that they need to really lift their game to impress the girls.
The day after is awkward. Play it cool, say you were a little tipsy and went over the top when all you meant was to give a good friend a nice present. If she see's through then you need to push her against the wall, that'll get.....wait, you did that.
Bugger it, get her an Itunes gift card. If that sucks then get her some TV show DVD that you think is total shit so you won't be reminded of her when you attempt to watch it. If that sucks.........get her a Mastodon album. You'd be a flipping waste-oid to not appreciate the incredible music that Mastodon make. She would probably jump you for that pressie!
Ahh.. Sorry to hear that bro. Probably best she's found another dude though, eh?
Hahaha! I was forced to ditch a bird yonks ago because she bought tickets to a Matchbox Twenty show. That wasn't acceptable.
