Women, etc.

RYDA

RYDA

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Good story. Maybe too much too soon?

Love is like a fart - if you push too hard it will end up shit.

Now you have been there, done that - you now have that experience.

BTW - 4th year engineering is essentially a girl friend (I too am feeling it's wrath...)
 
nonch

nonch

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scuba05 said:
I think this is my first post in this thread, but here goes...
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I think this is pretty typical of many uni relationships for guys like yourself who haven't had a lot of prior experience with girls - I certainly know I had a few of those experiences.

Seems like you are dealing with it well. Best thing to do is not get down on yourself, but move on and don't get too heavily invested before you understand where the relationship is at.

Just have fun and enjoy it for what it is, and never say those three words unless you are absolutely certain that you will hear them back. Otherwise it can only end badly.
 
BLAKE-2234

BLAKE-2234

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from what you said i gather she will want to hang out again she just got cold feet for a little, she is probably reminising a previous relationship and thinking whether to take the leap again i think she will be back
 
pistonbroke

pistonbroke

Eats Squid
I once heard a line in some crappy teen movie. This guy was super super smooth with the ladies and told the younger guy "always leave them wanting more".
Now I'm not saying I know how to implement it, but there may be something in that for you.
 
scuba05

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First, thank you all for your kind words.

RYDA said:
Now you have been there, done that - you now have that experience.

BTW - 4th year engineering is essentially a girl friend (I too am feeling it's wrath...)
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Definitely taking it as experience. I wont be making the same mistakes twice.
I'm 5th year at UTS, and full load + working in industry part time is definitely the equivalent of a GF.

BLAKE-2234 said:
from what you said i gather she will want to hang out again she just got cold feet for a little, she is probably reminising a previous relationship and thinking whether to take the leap again i think she will be back
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Give it a few months for me to cool down (and let feelings die), and I do believe I could speak to her again as a friend. That being said, I havent been in this position, so I don't know for sure. Cross that bridge when I come to it, but I definitely am not expecting anything to re-kindle.

God I am such an engineer about these things. It is both a blessing and a curse.
 
MtbDjRidaSachaz66

MtbDjRidaSachaz66

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Just got asked for advice from the very girl that I fucking like. Fucking friend zone. Never come across a girl such as her before. Fuck my life. :frusty:

Someone please hire a Hitman to kill me.
 
Gluey_trails

Gluey_trails

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MtbDjRidaSachaz66 said:
Just got asked for advice from the very girl that I fucking like. Fucking friend zone. Never come across a girl such as her before. Fuck my life. :frusty:

Someone please hire a Hitman to kill me.
Click to expand...
Haven't posted in here for a long long time. I've been in that position much worse then I would have liked... long story short, I know have a gorgeous girlfriend who was so incredibly far in the friendzone at one point. (RYDA can confirm gorgeousness and friendzone-ness).

My story so you don't feel so terrible:

I had a long term girlfriend and we managed to break up every couple of months. One break up was longer then the other and I started to like this girl (for the story let's call her Y). As I had been in this on and off relationship for so long I had no idea how to hit on a girl properly, wasn't confident and when I asked her out on a date I chucked the pretense in of "I've got nothing to lose, so what do you think about going on a date". She said yes but things ended up happening and she couldn't end up joining me. It was a pity and a few months later I managed to fall back into the shitty old relationship that was fucking with me.

Months later everything came crashing down when my cousin passed away in a car crash, and in the same 12 hrs, I found my girlfriend on the roof in hysterics for unrelated reasons. Long story short, it fucked with me and the relationship was never the same and we parted ways.

I felt like shit for months and months, getting drunk as a skunk and going out clubbing and trying my hand at meeting new girls. I wasn't succeeding all that much until I read "The Game". I didn't end up finishing the book because I wanted all the tips, I finished it because the over-riding theme (as far as I gathered) was about being confident. At the same time my brother told me you have to make yourself happy before you can try and make anyone else happy. So that's what I did, I started rock climbing more, and just trying to let girls go by the wayside while I tried to make myself happy. I then started going out and it helped a lot, your "Aura" changes when you're happy with yourself and people are more gravitated towards you - leading to many hook ups and some fun times.

While this was all happening I was starting to realise that Y was an incredible friend. She was listening to me rant and rave about me being stressed about uni, family stuff, my cousin and even the ex-girlfriend shit. As time went on and she listened to more I realised how special she was and I started to like her more and more. But inversely, she started to open up to me about some problems developing for her, one of them being my best friend.

My best mate (we went to the same highschool, did the same subjects, rode together, started climbing together, went to the same uni doing the same course together etc.) made it clear that he liked her too. It makes sense, friends who have the same interests in most things would like the same girl. So now I'm stuck with being a good mate and saying he should go for her while I have to tell her to go for him. Telling the girl who you're starting to fall madly in love with "Go out with my best mate" is incredibly hard. At one party he tells her how much he likes her, she doesn't feel instantly the same way and wants to sit on it. The next few days are filled with her telling me she likes him but doesn't want to commit and doesn't want a relationship. My translation was "Will, you're fucked. You've got no hope now".

This was bullshit and I figured it's time for myself to be selfish and get the girl that I want and I think will actually be happy with me. I manned up, started being confident and wasn't going to beat around the bush anymore. I took her out to a shitty movie, had lunch with her, told her the way she ate spring rolls was like sucking a dick, and then I asked for a massage in the cinema. She then came home that afternoon and we watched several hours of weird science shows on my brother's bed while we gave each other more massages. After her massage she put her top back on, got her things and left within 2 minutes. I was fucking stunned. I don't know what just happened.

I don't think I asked her about it, but I knew I had another shot up my sleeve. We were going to a concert with some friends, so I suggested myself, Y and Y's best friend get some drinks before the show. They agreed. It was on again. We started getting sufficiently pissed at a nice little bar, and her bestfriend started to drop hints and insinuated us two being together. Once we were at the concert venue I had some time with her alone, we were just sitting and talking, and I can't recall what I had even said or what was being said but I just looked at her and said "I honestly just want to kiss you right now"... and we did. And from there we were together.

I rang my best mate the next day and told him what happened. I received a "fuck you", didn't speak to him for probably 4 months. I was alienated by most of my uni friends. It didn't fucking matter because I had the girl that I wanted.

TL;DR Had a shitty break up, started to like a girl, best friend started to like her too, he made it clear he was interested first, I was friendzoned, decided not to be friendzoned, have a girlfriend.
 
Last edited:
C

Callan.

Farkin Gorilla.
Gluey_trails said:
Haven't posted in here for a long long time. I've been in that position much worse then I would have liked... long story short, I know have a gorgeous girlfriend who was so incredibly far in the friendzone at one point. (RYDA can confirm gorgeousness and friendzone-ness).

My story so you don't feel so terrible:

I had a long term girlfriend and we managed to break up every couple of months. One break up was longer then the other and I started to like this girl (for the story let's call her Y). As I had been in this on and off relationship for so long I had no idea how to hit on a girl properly, wasn't confident and when I asked her out on a date I chucked the pretense in of "I've got nothing to lose, so what do you think about going on a date". She said yes but things ended up happening and she couldn't end up joining me. It was a pity and a few months later I managed to fall back into the shitty old relationship that was fucking with me.

Months later everything came crashing down when my cousin passed away in a car crash, and in the same 12 hrs, I found my girlfriend on the roof in hysterics for unrelated reasons. Long story short, it fucked with me and the relationship was never the same and we parted ways.

I felt like shit for months and months, getting drunk as a skunk and going out clubbing and trying my hand at meeting new girls. I wasn't succeeding all that much until I read "The Game". I didn't end up finishing the book because I wanted all the tips, I finished it because the over-riding theme (as far as I gathered) was about being confident. At the same time my brother told me you have to make yourself happy before you can try and make anyone else happy. So that's what I did, I started rock climbing more, and just trying to let girls go by the wayside while I tried to make myself happy. I then started going out and it helped a lot, your "Aura" changes when you're happy with yourself and people are more gravitated towards you - leading to many hook ups and some fun times.

While this was all happening I was starting to realise that Y was an incredible friend. She was listening to me rant and rave about me being stressed about uni, family stuff, my cousin and even the ex-girlfriend shit. As time went on and she listened to more I realised how special she was and I started to like her more and more. But inversely, she started to open up to me about some problems developing for her.

At this point I should add that my best mate (we went to the same highschool, did the same subject, rode together, started climbing together, went to the same uni doing the same course together etc.) made it clear that he liked her too. It makes sense, friends who have the same interests in most things would like the same girl. So now I'm stuck with being a good mate and saying he should go for her while I have to tell her to go for him. Telling the girl who you're starting to fall madly in love with "Go out with my best mate" is incredibly hard. At one party he tells her how much he likes her, she doesn't feel instantly the same way and wants to sit on it. The next few days are filled with her telling me she likes him but doesn't want to commit and doesn't want a relationship. My translation was "Will, you're fucked. You've got no hope now".

This was bullshit and I figured it's time for myself to be selfish and get the girl that I want and I think will actually be happy with me. I manned up, started being confident and wasn't going to beat around the bush anymore. I took her out to a shitty movie, had lunch with her, told her the way she ate spring rolls was like sucking a dick, and then I asked for a massage in the cinema. She then came home that afternoon and we watched several hours of weird science shows while she gave me a massage, later I gave her a massage, lifted her top for a back massage. After her massage she put her top back on, got her things and left within 2 minutes. I was fucking stunned. I don't know what just happened.

I don't think I asked her about it, but I knew I had another shot up my sleeve. We were going to a concert with some friends, so I suggested myself, Y and Y's best friend get some drinks before the show. They agreed. It was on again. We started getting sufficiently pissed at a nice little bar, and her bestfriend started to drop hints and insinuated us two being together. Once we were at the concert venue I had some time with her alone, we were just sitting and talking, and I can't recall what I had even said or what was being said but I just looked at her and said "I honestly just want to kiss you right now"... and we did. And from there we were together.

I rang my best mate the next day and told him what happened. I received a "fuck you", didn't speak to him for probably 4 months. I was alienated by most of my uni friends. It didn't fucking matter because I had the girl that I wanted.

TL;DR Had a shitty break up, started to like a girl, best friend started to like her too, he made it clear he was interested first, I was friendzoned, decided not to be friendzoned, have a girlfriend.
Click to expand...
epic. ......
 
MtbDjRidaSachaz66

MtbDjRidaSachaz66

Likes Dirt
Gluey_trails said:
Haven't posted in here for a long long time. I've been in that position much worse then I would have liked... long story short, I know have a gorgeous girlfriend who was so incredibly far in the friendzone at one point. (RYDA can confirm gorgeousness and friendzone-ness).

My story so you don't feel so terrible:

I had a long term girlfriend and we managed to break up every couple of months. One break up was longer then the other and I started to like this girl (for the story let's call her Y). As I had been in this on and off relationship for so long I had no idea how to hit on a girl properly, wasn't confident and when I asked her out on a date I chucked the pretense in of "I've got nothing to lose, so what do you think about going on a date". She said yes but things ended up happening and she couldn't end up joining me. It was a pity and a few months later I managed to fall back into the shitty old relationship that was fucking with me.

Months later everything came crashing down when my cousin passed away in a car crash, and in the same 12 hrs, I found my girlfriend on the roof in hysterics for unrelated reasons. Long story short, it fucked with me and the relationship was never the same and we parted ways.

I felt like shit for months and months, getting drunk as a skunk and going out clubbing and trying my hand at meeting new girls. I wasn't succeeding all that much until I read "The Game". I didn't end up finishing the book because I wanted all the tips, I finished it because the over-riding theme (as far as I gathered) was about being confident. At the same time my brother told me you have to make yourself happy before you can try and make anyone else happy. So that's what I did, I started rock climbing more, and just trying to let girls go by the wayside while I tried to make myself happy. I then started going out and it helped a lot, your "Aura" changes when you're happy with yourself and people are more gravitated towards you - leading to many hook ups and some fun times.

While this was all happening I was starting to realise that Y was an incredible friend. She was listening to me rant and rave about me being stressed about uni, family stuff, my cousin and even the ex-girlfriend shit. As time went on and she listened to more I realised how special she was and I started to like her more and more. But inversely, she started to open up to me about some problems developing for her, one of them being my best friend.

My best mate (we went to the same highschool, did the same subjects, rode together, started climbing together, went to the same uni doing the same course together etc.) made it clear that he liked her too. It makes sense, friends who have the same interests in most things would like the same girl. So now I'm stuck with being a good mate and saying he should go for her while I have to tell her to go for him. Telling the girl who you're starting to fall madly in love with "Go out with my best mate" is incredibly hard. At one party he tells her how much he likes her, she doesn't feel instantly the same way and wants to sit on it. The next few days are filled with her telling me she likes him but doesn't want to commit and doesn't want a relationship. My translation was "Will, you're fucked. You've got no hope now".

This was bullshit and I figured it's time for myself to be selfish and get the girl that I want and I think will actually be happy with me. I manned up, started being confident and wasn't going to beat around the bush anymore. I took her out to a shitty movie, had lunch with her, told her the way she ate spring rolls was like sucking a dick, and then I asked for a massage in the cinema. She then came home that afternoon and we watched several hours of weird science shows on my brother's bed while we gave each other more massages. After her massage she put her top back on, got her things and left within 2 minutes. I was fucking stunned. I don't know what just happened.

I don't think I asked her about it, but I knew I had another shot up my sleeve. We were going to a concert with some friends, so I suggested myself, Y and Y's best friend get some drinks before the show. They agreed. It was on again. We started getting sufficiently pissed at a nice little bar, and her bestfriend started to drop hints and insinuated us two being together. Once we were at the concert venue I had some time with her alone, we were just sitting and talking, and I can't recall what I had even said or what was being said but I just looked at her and said "I honestly just want to kiss you right now"... and we did. And from there we were together.

I rang my best mate the next day and told him what happened. I received a "fuck you", didn't speak to him for probably 4 months. I was alienated by most of my uni friends. It didn't fucking matter because I had the girl that I wanted.

TL;DR Had a shitty break up, started to like a girl, best friend started to like her too, he made it clear he was interested first, I was friendzoned, decided not to be friendzoned, have a girlfriend.
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Show me the way... this is an eye opener. Thanks for the heads up brother.
 
Gluey_trails

Gluey_trails

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MtbDjRidaSachaz66 said:
Show me the way... this is an eye opener. Thanks for the heads up brother.
Click to expand...
So I'm not sure how old you are but I'm going to take a stab somewhere between 17-22 (I'm 21) and I suppose that's somewhat the age group that my observations revolve around. My apologies if this doesn't really apply at all.

I feel I have a pretty strong understanding of friend-zoning and how it occurs, I don't think I have the strongest grasp of removing yourself from the friend-zone though. I think my scenario might be a lot about luck.

I think the key problem with those who think they've been placed in the "friend zone" is that they haven't made their intentions clear. Girls aren't stupid animals, nor are they mind readers. Your actions speak louder then words and often those who become "friends" do so because they haven't been flirting properly, or getting the message across. The common trap for the friendzoned is going out of their way to do something which doesn't actually imply a want for a deeper relationship. That is what defines flirting - suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person.

What is something that suggests a deeper relationship, towards the sexual and intimate side? Dinner for two, asking questions that wouldn't usually be asked blah blah blah. Of course you need to change the way you flirt for different people. I think an important thing is about moving through and becoming more and more suggestive. Sitting at the same level for a while just makes your flirting your personality, rather than an indication of interest.

As far as I can tell, any relationship is a risk and a gamble. I can't for the life of me tell you with certainty if my current relationship will work (I sure as hell hope so), but if it doesn't then I'm going to be hurt, and so will my girlfriend. But it's a risk everyone is willing to take. Similarly, you have to realise that if you want a girl then you have to risk embarrassing yourself and just ask her out. Being denied can only hurt so much, you get back up and you try again, maybe with the same girl, maybe with someone else. I know I've missed so many hookups because I didn't have the balls to take a risk and lean in, or offer to get a cab. Same thing with crushes, put it out there that you like them, show intention consistently (in a non-creepy way, if it's coming across as creepy, she's not interested).

As for getting out of the friend-zone, maybe just give her decent/ honest advice. If you think the guy is a tool for x reason, tell her. Just don't be cut up and show you're annoyed when you didn't end up winning her, because chances are she didn't know you were interested, and if she did, then the relationship wouldn't have worked anyway.

I'm sorry if this seems all a bit muddled, I'm exhausted from work.

Feel free to PM me if you want, I know it helps to talk shit out (me n RYDA became good friends purely from this thread alone!)
 
RYDA

RYDA

Likes Bikes and Dirt
Gluey_trails said:
So I'm not sure how old you are but I'm going to take a stab somewhere between 17-22 (I'm 21) and I suppose that's somewhat the age group that my observations revolve around. My apologies if this doesn't really apply at all.

I feel I have a pretty strong understanding of friend-zoning and how it occurs, I don't think I have the strongest grasp of removing yourself from the friend-zone though. I think my scenario might be a lot about luck.

I think the key problem with those who think they've been placed in the "friend zone" is that they haven't made their intentions clear. Girls aren't stupid animals, nor are they mind readers. Your actions speak louder then words and often those who become "friends" do so because they haven't been flirting properly, or getting the message across. The common trap for the friendzoned is going out of their way to do something which doesn't actually imply a want for a deeper relationship. That is what defines flirting - suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person.

What is something that suggests a deeper relationship, towards the sexual and intimate side? Dinner for two, asking questions that wouldn't usually be asked blah blah blah. Of course you need to change the way you flirt for different people. I think an important thing is about moving through and becoming more and more suggestive. Sitting at the same level for a while just makes your flirting your personality, rather than an indication of interest.

As far as I can tell, any relationship is a risk and a gamble. I can't for the life of me tell you with certainty if my current relationship will work (I sure as hell hope so), but if it doesn't then I'm going to be hurt, and so will my girlfriend. But it's a risk everyone is willing to take. Similarly, you have to realise that if you want a girl then you have to risk embarrassing yourself and just ask her out. Being denied can only hurt so much, you get back up and you try again, maybe with the same girl, maybe with someone else. I know I've missed so many hookups because I didn't have the balls to take a risk and lean in, or offer to get a cab. Same thing with crushes, put it out there that you like them, show intention consistently (in a non-creepy way, if it's coming across as creepy, she's not interested).

As for getting out of the friend-zone, maybe just give her decent/ honest advice. If you think the guy is a tool for x reason, tell her. Just don't be cut up and show you're annoyed when you didn't end up winning her, because chances are she didn't know you were interested, and if she did, then the relationship wouldn't have worked anyway.

I'm sorry if this seems all a bit muddled, I'm exhausted from work.

Feel free to PM me if you want, I know it helps to talk shit out (me n RYDA became good friends purely from this thread alone!)
Click to expand...
A friendship built on evil ex girlfriends.
 
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