Women, etc.
- Thread starter Matt H
- Start date
Ultra Lord
Hurts. Requires Money. And is nerdy.
the book! It does nothing!
S.
ex offender
I think you're taking aim at a relatively small part of what The Game talks about - the whole routines business (actually, NLP as well - that stuff just isn't cool IMO, that really is manipulation). All the stuff about behaviour, giving/taking value and particularly, as you say, desperation is hugely insightful IMO. Have you actually read the book? Or paid any attention to other "pickup" schools of thought? Because many of them focus on the same thing you're talking about - removal of what they call outcome dependence, ie you actually "needing" a certain outcome in order to be happy. In other words, the best mental state to be in is "desire without attachment". I agree that the more you try to force it, the less likely it is to happen, but there is a reason for that - the more you "try", the more needy you appear because it implies that you don't have other options, which further implies that other people don't find you attractive, and that there must be some reason for this (even though this is entirely circular reasoning).
Also I should point out that just "knowing" this stuff doesn't mean shit, you have to actually live it. Knowing that being needy is unattractive doesn't automatically mean you're no longer needy, for example.
Whilst I think everyone here appreciates your input (or that from any other girls), I think you're jumping to the end result of what girls want and for some reason deriding pick-up material, which in reality is the "how" that leads to the "what". For example, what you're saying is the equivalent of saying what girls want is "two". Then us guys wonder, "How do I get two?". Someone says "well, you have to add one plus one", then someone else goes "wtf that's lame, bugger that man, she just wants TWO". It's not lame, it's a means to an end - but if your maths sucks, your result is going to be wrong too.
What if "chemistry" and "attraction" were actually tangible things that you could understand and control? Chemistry isn't just some random chance thing, nor is attraction. There is a reason some guys have girls all over them, and some guys just never ever get any - some guys flip the right switches (knowingly or not). With all respect, most people don't actually realise that there are a number of emotional switches (almost all of which are quite implicit/indirect) that control their attraction to other people, and being told that someone can attract them simply by flipping these switches seems to offend a lot of people, as though it removes their ability to "choose" who they're attracted to. The funny thing is that almost all girls say "that's lame, it wouldn't work on me"... but attraction isn't a choice. The proof is in the pudding. Also attraction is not necessarily the same thing as liking someone - from my point of view, I've met a lot of girls who I found massively attractive but also thought were messed up, bitchy idiots who I usually wouldn't piss on if they were on fire.
If you haven't actually read The Game, or any similar/related stuff, then don't slam it. Whilst The Game itself goes into a lot of explanation of specifics, the whole premise is not so much about "techniques" as simply developing your own strong, unique personality and being unafraid to show it - ie being genuine and confident. That's the end result, what the girl is supposed to see, not the machinations behind it.
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leitch, thanks very much for that advice, worked a treat!
Now i need some advice on this, my phone wakes me up at about 11:30pm Thursday night, Girlfriend is strangely upset about something? She explains that she thinks she has a shit personality, and that i must only want her for her body! I have NO idea were this came from? i carm her down and explain its not true,( well it isnt!) but she still feels this way.
So, what im thinking, is to ask her, if she would like for us to not have sex for a month, so i can prove that its not all about her body!
And yes, i understand this could have a negative effect, but i need your thoughts on this!
thanks.
Now i need some advice on this, my phone wakes me up at about 11:30pm Thursday night, Girlfriend is strangely upset about something? She explains that she thinks she has a shit personality, and that i must only want her for her body! I have NO idea were this came from? i carm her down and explain its not true,( well it isnt!) but she still feels this way.
So, what im thinking, is to ask her, if she would like for us to not have sex for a month, so i can prove that its not all about her body!
And yes, i understand this could have a negative effect, but i need your thoughts on this!
thanks.
alexx, if you're willing to go without sex for a month, I would totally do it. Good on you for being one of the guys who isn't just after trying to get laid by their girlfriend all the time...
Maybe even try talking to her a bit more as well? Get her talking about anything, because a good bit of conversation here and there (to show her that she doesn't have a shit personality) might be good for her self esteem (don't know what else to call them...) issues.
Maybe even try talking to her a bit more as well? Get her talking about anything, because a good bit of conversation here and there (to show her that she doesn't have a shit personality) might be good for her self esteem (don't know what else to call them...) issues.
norco01
Likes Dirt
Pron was invented for a reason.
Nabdaddy
Likes Dirt
Yeah i'd go for it Alex.
Also make sure you compliment her on herself, not so much her looks, but her personality. I dont know how much you compliment her at the moment, but there's no such thing as enough compliments to most girls. This could help the issue regarding her phone call. As Sean said, it will help her self esteem, if she is a bit down on herself currently.
Also make sure you compliment her on herself, not so much her looks, but her personality. I dont know how much you compliment her at the moment, but there's no such thing as enough compliments to most girls. This could help the issue regarding her phone call. As Sean said, it will help her self esteem, if she is a bit down on herself currently.
Stack Shack
Likes Dirt
That might be true further into the relationship but generally if a girl thinks a guy is hot she will just laugh at whatever crap comes out of his mouth
ForkinGreat
Knows his Brassica oleracea
Something must have triggered that thought in your girlfriend's head. It may have been her way over-analysing things and coming up with non-rational conclusions, or just as likely, someone she is acquainted with, or who hates your girlfriend, told her she has a shit personality (as a way of being an utter fucking bitch) - the other woman could have called her a dumb slut, or insinuate that if she didn't put out, that you wouldn't like her & wouldn't want to be her boyfriend.
Your girlfriend could have completed the demolition job on herself. "So & so says I'm a dumb slut, therefore I must have a shit personality" etc etc
As many of us are aware, women are far more brutal in the ways they slag each other off (and slagging men) than guys will ever be.
Most women are awesome, but there are some who are complete arseholes in the way they treat other people, and will continue to be so until the day they die.
Ok. What I would suggest is this,
Sit her down and ask her "says who?"
eg: You rang me and you seemed really upset. I hear you tell me that you think you have "a shit personality".... "says who?"
or
ask her specifically how she thinks that she has such a personality?
The more you can get her to verbalize about this, the easier it will be to nail down what she is really upset about. & the easier it will be to bust those f'd up beliefs about herself before she internalises them too much.
The fact that she rings you up late at night suggests to me that someone else slagged her off, and she has been stewing and stressing about it for hours (or days).
and give her a hug. and not just any old hug. A hug that lasts for several minutes. A non-verbal & non-sexual way of being close to her and demonstrating that you care. good luck!
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TheBofh
Likes Dirt
Be cool, you're a confident young man with a great girl who couldn't give a toss what anyone thinks about either of you, give her a hug & say something like, "I love just being with you, I'm proud of you". Keep it simple, too much D&M and she'll have you doubting yourself because chicks are good at tearing themselves up inside & passing it on to you.
ForkinGreat
Knows his Brassica oleracea
good point, you can let her know all the ways in which she has a great personality. dwelling on the negative can be counter-productive sometimes.
Cypher
Likes Dirt
>So, what im thinking, is to ask her, if she would like for us to not have sex for a month, so i can prove that its not all about her body!
From a womans perspective...
Keep having the sex.
You sound quite young - not that it is a bad thing; it happens. Firstly I would say if she and you are young then controlling your bodies and emotions is a bit tricky at first. Even if you are in your early twenties you are still developing into the adult you will be. Given the typical experiences of young women your girlfriend is just adding the finishing touches into her new body, getting used to her hormones and most likely just started on the pill (or only been on it for a few years). Although hormones/PMS is never an excuse for overly emotive/bad behaviour the perspective of age and hindsight shows just what a roller coaster it is. Be patient - it all works out in the end.
I would say to do three things, which should extend your relationship and make you and her better people.
1) Build up her internal locus of control. This means that she feels she is in control of her life - rather than being at the whim and vagaries of life. This could include encouraging and supporting her in various endeavours - making her feel like she was responsible for her sucess, and perhaps ending any bad or disruptive relationships (with her 'friends' that may bully her)
2) Decrease neuroticism - in the sense of the big 5 personality traits. This is the overboard tendency to experience unpleasant emotions - like shame Not saying that your girlfriend is excessive though! You are already doing this - by talking through it. You aiming to flatten out the emotive spike - you need not spout forth any advice, just listen and be calm; she probably knows what she needs to do anyway. Unpleasant emotions like stress, guilt, shame etc need to be got rid of. Experienced, yes - but not dwelt upon excessively.
3) Avoid the learning curve. I have seen this with a few people (not suggesting that it is your girlfriend though). By being overly emotional some people learn that they get a lot of attention by having these little 'dramas' and keep on with the pattern. Know yourself when to draw the line and say that you think that person X's behaviour is too much and put some mild space between you. By mild space I mean distance where you can come back and be friends - not the sort of space where you feel like you'd be happy if a meteorite fell on their head.
So you can go ahead and keep on having sex - let's face it; sex is fun and generally makes us feel good about ourselves.
From a womans perspective...
Keep having the sex.
You sound quite young - not that it is a bad thing; it happens. Firstly I would say if she and you are young then controlling your bodies and emotions is a bit tricky at first. Even if you are in your early twenties you are still developing into the adult you will be. Given the typical experiences of young women your girlfriend is just adding the finishing touches into her new body, getting used to her hormones and most likely just started on the pill (or only been on it for a few years). Although hormones/PMS is never an excuse for overly emotive/bad behaviour the perspective of age and hindsight shows just what a roller coaster it is. Be patient - it all works out in the end.
I would say to do three things, which should extend your relationship and make you and her better people.
1) Build up her internal locus of control. This means that she feels she is in control of her life - rather than being at the whim and vagaries of life. This could include encouraging and supporting her in various endeavours - making her feel like she was responsible for her sucess, and perhaps ending any bad or disruptive relationships (with her 'friends' that may bully her)
2) Decrease neuroticism - in the sense of the big 5 personality traits. This is the overboard tendency to experience unpleasant emotions - like shame Not saying that your girlfriend is excessive though! You are already doing this - by talking through it. You aiming to flatten out the emotive spike - you need not spout forth any advice, just listen and be calm; she probably knows what she needs to do anyway. Unpleasant emotions like stress, guilt, shame etc need to be got rid of. Experienced, yes - but not dwelt upon excessively.
3) Avoid the learning curve. I have seen this with a few people (not suggesting that it is your girlfriend though). By being overly emotional some people learn that they get a lot of attention by having these little 'dramas' and keep on with the pattern. Know yourself when to draw the line and say that you think that person X's behaviour is too much and put some mild space between you. By mild space I mean distance where you can come back and be friends - not the sort of space where you feel like you'd be happy if a meteorite fell on their head.
So you can go ahead and keep on having sex - let's face it; sex is fun and generally makes us feel good about ourselves.
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Welshy
Likes Bikes and Dirt
One last snippet of advice to tag onto the already great advice is as follows...
If she cries, wipe away the tears before she gets the chance to. Shows her you really care, and helps with the trust aspect too. For the extra mile, if the tears run down her cheek, kiss them away. (Kinda kinky, I know, But results don't lie!)
Good luck!
If she cries, wipe away the tears before she gets the chance to. Shows her you really care, and helps with the trust aspect too. For the extra mile, if the tears run down her cheek, kiss them away. (Kinda kinky, I know, But results don't lie!)
Good luck!
toodles
Wheel size expert
I used to cry during intimate moments. But now I'm used to the pepper spray.
Welshy
Likes Bikes and Dirt
crank1979
Likes Bikes and Dirt
Not if you accidentally poke her in the eye. Done that.
Cypher
Likes Dirt
Ha ha! My love as a big (love-able) nose. Sometimes it gets in the way. It is hard to stay sad/angry/in the mood when someones schnoz goes in your eye or nostril when they don't mean it to happen. You know, he's going in for a kiss then wham-o! Not the sort of intimacy I was looking for.Not if you accidentally poke her in the eye. Done that.
It almost always results in laughing. Perhaps I should kiss with the lights on if I am to retain any sort of vision in the future.
