You laugh you lose

Oddjob

Eats Squid
The kids have gone nuts for this. Started with about 10 originally, then steadily increased to about 30 last year, then exploded to about 75 this year, with 55-60 there every week, and more inquiries by the day. It only runs over DLS time, so I can look forward to 6 months of ‘when to crits start up again’ from a metric shit ton of kids :)
Have you won Mexican of the year yet?

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Elbo

Likes Bikes and Dirt
Friend works at a local furniture store. We went there to get a few boxes and I spotted this on their store room door.
 

link1896

Eats Squid
HEY GUYS, I AM HERE TO SAY GOODBYE TO THIS GROUP, WHICH I LOVE SO MUCH. MY WIFE SAYS I AM IN THIS GROUP EVERY 2 SECONDS AND SHE CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE. WE ARGUED AND SHE TOLD ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HER AND THE GROUP. SO I AM GOING TO BE OFFLINE FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES WHILE I PACK HER BAGS AND CALL HER A CAB!
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK..
 

link1896

Eats Squid
Veet -- the Men's Hair Removal Gel Creme (from hell) . . .
30 July 2012
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "

Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...

So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect....... :-
 

pink poodle

Clinically Inane
^ an internet classic. Right up there with the diet gummy bears! My brother actually tried this veet stuff and it did leave him in a mess of rash and patchy unresolved hair. He opted to shave head to toe...more issues! Needless to say he has come to accept our hirsute exterior.
 
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