I've been having a pretty rough time lately... I hit 40 last year and basically hit a mid life crisis head on. Put on a shitload of weight, been hit with asthma a fair bit this year, lost motivation for pretty much anything, struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel and not being entirely negative about the fact that it might be an oncoming train...
I'm very much feeling taken for granted both at home and especially work and I kinda don't really have a lot of people to talk to about what's going on in my head - don't socialize at all, I've got one good mate but I don't want to dump all my shit on him cause I don't want to make it his problem. Don't feel like I can really talk to my fiancee about it as she (and the rest of my family) all have way too much of their own shit going on and I don't want to add to that.
I've had a particularly dark couple of weeks lately - took a week off to spend riding for my 41st but got crook and had semi surprise visitors (which was admittedly really nice, hadnt seen my sister and her husband in 6 months) so that went out the window which didn't help my head (i'd been looking forward to that to help relax and refresh my head), then when I got back to work I'd been removed from the role I've had and loved for the last 18 months with no explanation whatsoever which sent me further into a hole. I've been stressing about money cause I have a dickhead credit card and a low paying job, and the car's been playing up but we can't afford to sell it unregistered so had to splurge to get it fixed. Also found out that dad (who has a heart condition which will eventually lead to failure) had to have a scan cause they reckoned his heart had deteriorated more than it should have - scan came back with nothing concerning though, whoch is a positive. Shit just seems to be piling up and I'm struggling to see over the heap, especially when last week I realised I'm now way too fucking heavy to ride my dually.
On the plus side, I went for a ride on Tuesday arvo (first time since may) - I managed to rearrange my hours a little and went up to Daisy Hill. Took the hardtail out and within seconds of starting Jim's I was giggling. It was a frickin blast, and I'd probably still be out there if I didn't have to pick up my fiancee and go to work. I didn't manage to ride as many of the fire road hills as I did last time I was there but had so much fun doing the trails I didn't care. Aiming to get back out next Tuesday but we'll see what happens.
I guess I've managed to claw my way out of the worst of it but I still feel like I'm very much struggling. I'm settling in to my new role at work and starting to enjoy it a little, but I'll still be hoping to get back to what I was doing. Semi looking at trying something different with a new job in a different industry, but even retraining is out of reach financially at the moment so I'm just keeping on I guess. I don't really mean to put this on anyone but I think I just needed to write it down and put it out there just this once, sorry - think this is the first time I've felt like I needed to do that and I'm not sure whether that's a bit of a concern or not...