Black Dogs and mental shit in general

[Rorschach]

I got some AGPTEK sleep earphones, they are small and soft for side sleepers. Were $20 odd on Ebay

Will look into them, cheers

 

[cokeonspecialtwodollars]

I'm a side sleeper, so ear buds are really uncomfortable for me to sleep in. Tried white noise on a speaker in the room a while ago, but didn't do too much for me.

Have found these to be pretty good for use during sleep.

SleepPhones

Comfortable Headband Headphones for Sleeping

www.sleepphones.com

Work is too far for me to ride (~25km each way), but been looking at a few other things to get out and about

If 25km is too much could you drive part way there and ride the rest, you might find if you do this often enough the full commute will be a piece of piss in the not to distant future.

 

[Rorschach]

If 25km is too much could you drive part way there and ride the rest, you might find if you do this often enough the full commute will be a piece of piss in the not to distant future.

without sounding like I'm putting too much in the way, I am also a contractor for an O&G company, and they do not treat their contractors with the same level as their direct employees, limiting my access to their end-of-trip and making things generally hard.
I have in the past ridden to 'our office', which is 18km (so a bit more manageable), but it took too long by the time I got there/back.
During COVID, when I could get to our office but not my customer I would go out for a lunch ride with my boss. We're infrequently in the office together at the minute. I'd put the bike in the back of the car next time I'm in, but I have an Ob appointment with the wife over lunch and other stuff on for the rest of the day

 

[cokeonspecialtwodollars]

So funny story.

I don't get on here very much these days but I deactivated all my socials yesterday as I'm having a 'bad spell' and try to limit interaction with the world as much as possible when I'm like this. Wondering how to fill in a little time over lunch at work I thought I'd have a quick nosey on the old Farkin. Start typing rotorbur into the address bar. Hit enter. Lo and behold off topic is where I end up with with a thread about mental health front and center.

So the joys of the anonymity of the internet I'll give you a small insight into the wonderful place that is my broken brain. I've never thought of myself as a depressed person but sometimes my brain has a proper malfunction. Said malfunctions have seen me end up in resus after a drug overdose. Nil signs of life for something like 7 minutes. On another occasion I did a stint in a high security psych ward after it was decided that I was a danger to myself. Spent many years bouldering rather than climbing because I can't have rope in the house. You get the idea, it's a shit show.

Anyway, the point of this is. I've always dealt with this by myself for various reasons, mostly because I'm not the most open person and largely don't feel that comfortable around people. I've been seeing this girl for a couple of months. We've known eachother for about a year so I gave her a heads up very early on that sometimes my brain goes AWOL. She's lovely so I thought I should give her a friendly heads up that I'm having 'one of those days' and my being MIA has nothing to do with her. She sends me a bunch of messages on Whatsapp which I just couldn't bring myself to read, refers back to limiting interaction with the outside world. I assumed it would be the usual, life ain't so bad (and it isn't, I'm actually living the fucking dream), cheer up, blah, blah. Instead I got this. Well, something like this because I don't feel like sharing her exact words.

"I know the feeling of wanting to retreat. I was always afraid that if I told anyone about how I felt they would try to pull me out of my dark place, cheer me up and try to fix it. All really wanted was someone to acknowledge how I felt, sit with me in the dark and just be with me so I didn't have to be alone. I don't need shelter from the storm, just someone to sit next to me with an umbrella."

It's one of the few times I've felt understood and it also opened up communication as I didn't feel like someone was trying to fix me or undermine the way I felt. It's the first time I've felt comfortable talking to someone about the shit that goes on in my head. If anyone is having difficultly talking about things or approching someone who needs a friendly ear I highly recommend this approach. No one likes feeling like this but not everyone wants to be 'fixed'. I've always been like this and likely always will. It's not about fixing things, just managing the shit.

I can relate heavily to this... to others I may appear broken but this is just who I am right now, I don't need your fixing, I just need your understanding and for you to be there when I come out the other side.

It's definitely one of the things that irks me about the RUOK day type movements, suddenly everyone's an expert and I get that it comes from a place of good intention but if you really want to help then see above.

 

[cokeonspecialtwodollars]

without sounding like I'm putting too much in the way,

Not at all, sometimes life just puts shit in the way. For me the solution was night riding on the roadie, I figured I wasn't sleeping anyway so would put the lights on and wheel the bike out once everyone else had gone to bed, the extra bonus was next to no traffic to contend with either. It can be hard when you're in that head space to come up with the creative solutions that are often needed to keep ones head above the water, I hope that you can find some stuff that works for you.

 

[Cardy George]

I'm a side sleeper, so ear buds are really uncomfortable for me to sleep in. Tried white noise on a speaker in the room a while ago, but didn't do too much for me.

Exercise is something I did in the evenings before 1 came along, I used to hit the gym at 8 for a group fitness class for 45 minutes, that worked intermittently. I've also tried running and going for a walk in the evenings, but honestly I feel so worn out at the end of the day I can't be bothered - getting home from work I don't normally sit down til 730 but the time I've helped with 1, and done all the dishes etc. I'm not a morning person and the little fella gets up at 6, so not a lot of time in the mornings either. Work is too far for me to ride (~25km each way), but been looking at a few other things to get out and about

Mrs George has ABC RN on the bedside radio. Took me awhile to get used to it, but it doesn't bother me now. However, when we go away it's generally in a tent in a caravan park, so to stop disturbing other park rats she uses a little JBL Clip 3 speaker under her pillow, Bluetooth to her tablet. Maybe that could work for you?

I really struggle to balance my good with my bad, and bad always wins when I'm overtired. I have a solid job, made it all the way thru lockdown without owing any more than we did before, it's week on week off, best pay I've ever had, boss is a cyclist and helped me fund the Procaliber.

But I fucking hate it. I hate what it's doing to my riding. I hate how exhausted I am at the end of the week, how much I have to catch up on at home because I'm effectively not there for a week, how early I have to get up, how early I have to go to bed, how if I get 5 hours sleep then that's considered a good night, hate that while I'm earning enough to pay for my crappy old house, the boss has just bought a $300k property for his drop kick son, so I'm effectively working my arse off to give fuck-knuckle a walk up start. Hate how little opportunity there is for me to start again in another industry.

All I have to hang on to is building my fledgling bike repair business. Hopefully that will become busy enough I won't have to print for the rest of forever.

 

[Kerplunk]

All I have to hang on to is building my fledgling bike repair business. Hopefully that will become busy enough I won't have to print for the rest of forever.

Isn’t there a severe lack of bike repairers up your neck of the woods? I know one useless bloke give up riding because no one would fix his flat tyre (tubes). He never learnt the basics repairs.. Reckon there is a market there.. Good luck

 

[Cardy George]

Isn’t there a severe lack of bike repairers up your neck of the woods? I know one useless bloke give up riding because no one would fix his flat tyre (tubes). He never learnt the basics repairs.. Reckon there is a market there.. Good luck

Lack of good ones, yes. Plenty of country hacks........

 

[Haakon]

Sleep is a viscous circle too... I'm struggling to sleep much because of chronic pain issues, and that combined with no sleep messes with your head big time.

Add into that the fact ive fought depression and anxiety all my life leads to some days being something of a bore... I lead a pretty hermit like life these days, just don't have the bandwidth left over for most people. Dont be afraid to prioritise time for the sake of your own mental health.

 

[Rorschach]

Sleep is a viscous circle too... I'm struggling to sleep much because of chronic pain issues, and that combined with no sleep messes with your head big time.

Add into that the fact ive fought depression and anxiety all my life leads to some days being something of a bore... I lead a pretty hermit like life these days, just don't have the bandwidth left over for most people. Dont be afraid to prioritise time for the sake of your own mental health.

I was going to make a viscosity joke but thought it might make me look thick.

Carving out time to do stuff is something I look at and think ‘great, I can squeeze in an hour here’ and then when I get there I honestly can’t be arsed and just sit on the couch and watch tv.
I’ve got a group of the wife’s family friends who is class as mates who go bouldering once a week or so. I went a few times then the little fella changed his bedtime and by the time I’d have chance to get there the place would be shut. I’d love to have the motivation and time to go but she needs the help more than I feel like I need to go out

 

[Haakon]

I was going to make a viscosity joke but thought it might make me look thick.

Lol, autocorrect strikes again !

 

[Haakon]

I was going to make a viscosity joke but thought it might make me look thick.

Carving out time to do stuff is something I look at and think ‘great, I can squeeze in an hour here’ and then when I get there I honestly can’t be arsed and just sit on the couch and watch tv.
I’ve got a group of the wife’s family friends who is class as mates who go bouldering once a week or so. I went a few times then the little fella changed his bedtime and by the time I’d have chance to get there the place would be shut. I’d love to have the motivation and time to go but she needs the help more than I feel like I need to go out

Time commitments aside, I learnt to treat the “I can’t be arsed going riding” as the clear signal that I needed to go riding! Decide you cbf and then jsut do it anyway. Took years to train myself to do that, but ultimately it works for me.

I find it quite terrifying just how different and better my mood is driving home from a blast around Stromlo to what it was driving there... Slaves to our brain chemistry!

 

[Rorschach]

Time commitments aside, I learnt to treat the “I can’t be arsed going riding” as the clear signal that I needed to go riding! Decide you cbf and then jsut do it anyway. Took years to train myself to do that, but ultimately it works for me.

I find it quite terrifying just how different and better my mood is driving home from a blast around Stromlo to what it was driving there... Slaves to our brain chemistry!

This is true. Despite being up at 530 after another shit nights sleep, I felt good after I’d been out to the hills for a bit.
Was rooted for the rest of the day (which didn’t help down the track) but felt good on the drive home

 

[0psi]

There's an old saying.

You often feel tired not because you've done too much but because you've done too little of what sparks a light in you.

I've found there's some truth to that. And even if there isn't, sometimes a temporary distraction helps.

 

[link1896]

Sleep is a viscous circle too... I'm struggling to sleep much because of chronic pain issues, and that combined with no sleep messes with your head big time.

Add into that the fact ive fought depression and anxiety all my life leads to some days being something of a bore... I lead a pretty hermit like life these days, just don't have the bandwidth left over for most people. Dont be afraid to prioritise time for the sake of your own mental health.

CBD and THC oil in a 25:1 mix, on prescription, is great for chronic pain management. Many doctors can now prescribe. It's not going to get you high, but works better then two paracetamol, two Ibuprofen and two aspirin, and lasts longer. Down side, it's not PBS subsidised. There haven't been enough (5 or more) rigorous medical studies proving CBD/THC is beneficial, so conventional medicine is still not behind it. I can report form first hand experience it is great. 3 weeks to a months worth will cost $125 from Chemists Warehouse.

You cannot drive in any state of Australia with a detectable level of THC in your blood, but there is a bill that is before the Victorian parliament to change the law so medical cannabis users are treated no differently to other prescription drug users.

 

[Haakon]

Another thing that helped me was getting a roadie... I know this is all a bit bike obsessed (probably in good company around here though ) , but i found the long road rides incredibly restorative. MTB is super fun but you need to be present more - finding a quiet country back road and spending a couple of hours just pedalling, watching the scenery slide by and listening to the hum of the tyres is so Zen. I found it an incredibly effective way of tuning out and giving the whirling thoughts a miss for a bit.

 

[Haakon]

CBD and THC oil in a 25:1 mix, on prescription, is great for chronic pain management. Many doctors can now prescribe. It's not going to get you high, but works better then two paracetamol, two Ibuprofen and two aspirin, and lasts longer. Down side, it's not PBS subsidised. There haven't been enough (5 or more) rigorous medical studies proving CBD/THC is beneficial, so conventional medicine is still not behind it. I can report form first hand experience it is great. 3 weeks to a months worth will cost $125 from Chemists Warehouse.

You cannot drive in any state of Australia with a detectable level of THC in your blood, but there is a bill that is before the Victorian parliament to change the law so medical cannabis users are treated no differently to other prescription drug users.

Ive thought about that. Have resisted as i gave away THC many years ago as it didnt agree with me and is associated with some unedifying few years with some people i do not have anything to do with anymore!

 

[Rorschach]

I’m interested in CBD, have done some reading around it and would be interested in trying it at some point

As for the roadie, I agree. I get out every couple of weeks on mine (alternate mtb and road) and it’s always pretty relaxing even riding round the river here in Perth. Just wish I could get out a bit more

 

[Mr Crudley]

Another thing that helped me was getting a roadie... I know this is all a bit bike obsessed (probably in good company around here though ) , but i found the long road rides incredibly restorative. MTB is super fun but you need to be present more - finding a quiet country back road and spending a couple of hours just pedalling, watching the scenery slide by and listening to the hum of the tyres is so Zen. I found it an incredibly effective way of tuning out and giving the whirling thoughts a miss for a bit.

Agree with all of this. A long road ride is good for the soul. Don't take any earbuds either.

 

[Norco Maniac]

Bumping the thread as I'm having a real struggle with the dog at the minute and honestly talking to strangers on the internet is easier than talking to the people close to me.
Has been on and off for a while, but getting worse recently to the point my Mrs told me to go and see the Dr. Going after work today to have a chat
Having real issues with my pot being close to boiling over all the time recently, my sleep quality is shit and I'm honestly struggling to find joy in anything I do at the minute. This is all on top of having my second little one due in the next 4 weeks, number one being a general pain in the arse at times, having a heap of stuff to do and feeling fuzzy up top and fatigued all of the time. My diet at isn't too bad, but find myself drinking too much, eating rubbish at work just for something to do and I don't think I've had a serious look at myself in the mirror or looked myself in the eye for about a year
Will see what the doc says later, but am going to ask him to refer me to someone and have a chat to someone trained to deal with it and hopefully start feeling better again

Unpacking a few things there, it seems from what you've said that sleep quality due to a young child and knowing another coming will mean more sleep disruption might be the main driver of your current predicament. Eating crap and drinking are symptoms of self-medicating behaviour to get you through. There's good reasons why sleep deprivation is used as a torture device, after all. Can you get family support or some daycare or home help to lighten the load? This is the time when your wife needs you to be emotionally on board so physical support around day to day household tasks might help.

I raised 4, including twins, with no family support and an emotionally absent husband so i do understand what the daily sleepless grind and having to work feels like. It's hell. I've been dancing with the Black Dog since i was 13, and i hear you.