Depression- need help?

Big JD

Wheel size expert
Depression and suicide will claim 2000 men this year. Twice the national road toll.

If you are struggling please seek some help.

We need to break down the stigma attached to men acknowledging they need some help.

I lost my beautiful cousin last week. He was was an avid mtber around Sydney North Shore.

You are not less of a man for seeking assistance to fight depression.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au
 

stirk

Wheel size expert
Sorry to hear that JD.

It's such a terrible loss when depression claims a life.

How's about a RB Movember team, raising awareness and money on two wheels.
 

Dozer

Heavy machinery.
Staff member
Good thinking JD. ;)
I've lost a dear friend that I had no idea was suffering. Yeah, he was a bloody cranky prick at times but I never thought anything of it. I'd like to think that if he had had a chat to me about some of the stuff that I could have helped him out in some way.
I had another mate who's wife had done the dirty on him and he went bad pretty quickly; as you can imagine you would. After a few weeks of worrying, I eventually found him next to a railway line drinking his age old whiskey he'd kept for years. He said he always told himself it'd be his last drink and he was lining up to jump under a train. I stopped that idea, it took a bit of violence and some fairly wild words but he backed off and saw some good in whatever shit I was laying on him. Fifteen years later, he's remarried, has his own business and a ten year old son. Pretty chuffed with that one actually! ;)

Over the years of being an admin on this site, I've come across some people on the forums who strike most of us as obscene and should be banned. You may be surprised to know that I often message some of these members privately and chat to them in the hope that they are just mucking around and looking for a laugh. Sometimes they aren't, sometimes they are down in the dumps and are seeking a bit of attention and chatting with people really helps. I cringe when some people ask a question on here and they get slayed by people who are also looking for a laugh but not thinking that they may be hitting someone the wrong way. I'm not suggesting we back down on the laughs but t's good to assume that the guy on the other end may be here to get amongst the shenanigans and doesn't expect someone to go postal at them.
It isn't much but I have helped a few dudes get out of a rut just by talking on here and they've gotten out and made something for themselves. That's more than enough reason for me to keep on truckin' on here. ;)
 

Big AC

Likes Dirt
So sorry to hear about your loss mate.

Men failing to seek help for depression is an unfortunate reality of the modern world when there is nothing emasculating about getting some help with your headspace. No one can do everything, and we all need some help from time to time.

Thoughts are with you and your family.
 

Norco Maniac

Grooms mobile dogs
also sorry to hear that, JD. i've also lost friends and family to depression, and have lived with chronic depression myself most of my life. i've been lucky enough to have had access to a women's forum since 2009 where i've found support and encouragement in the darkest times. i probably wouldn't be here otherwise.
 

Boom King

Wheel size expert
Feel for you and yours JD. The biggest problem with depression is realising you have a problem and seeking help. You have to want to help yourself which can be a difficult position to get to when you're in a big dark hole.
 

Big JD

Wheel size expert
Feel for you and yours JD. The biggest problem with depression is realising you have a problem and seeking help. You have to want to help yourself which can be a difficult position to get to when you're in a big dark hole.
People often don't realize they are in a dark place. It all becomes normal. Often it takes others to say something. To intervene and encourage.
No doubt it takes a lot to take that first step but fuck it is easy once you do.
It is a revelation for people in that dark hole to realize that it ain't normal and that life can be very different.

If you are in that dark place- let someone know. Acknowledging it is the first step towards some normality and peace.

I think it is great we can discuss such an important issue
 

John U

MTB Precision
People often don't realize they are in a dark place. It all becomes normal. Often it takes others to say something. To intervene and encourage.
No doubt it takes a lot to take that first step but fuck it is easy once you do.
It is a revelation for people in that dark hole to realize that it ain't normal and that life can be very different.

If you are in that dark place- let someone know. Acknowledging it is the first step towards some normality and peace.

I think it is great we can discuss such an important issue
The first step for me was the hardest when I have so much to be grateful for. 'What the fuck have I got to to complain about', I used to think. 'I've got a job, a healthy family, and I live in one of the most privileged places on the planet. Why does everything feel so fucked?'. Took me quite a while between realising I had an issue and actually doing something about it for this reason.

I haven't looked back though. I still have bad days but I now know when I'm having a bad day. Riding helps heaps.

Sorry to hear about your cousin JD.
 

The Reverend

Likes Bikes and Dirt
Sorry to hear that JD. You're right, a lot of us feel like we've got to soldier on and keep pushing when there's simply too great a load to carry.

My condolences to you and the family, I can't imagine how difficult it is for them to go through this.

And yes, I try to make a point of checking in with friends to see how they're coping with life - sometimes they want to talk, sometimes not.
 

LQQK

Likes Bikes
Over the years of being an admin on this site, I've come across some people on the forums who strike most of us as obscene and should be banned. You may be surprised to know that I often message some of these members privately and chat to them in the hope that they are just mucking around and looking for a laugh. Sometimes they aren't, sometimes they are down in the dumps and are seeking a bit of attention and chatting with people really helps. I cringe when some people ask a question on here and they get slayed by people who are also looking for a laugh but not thinking that they may be hitting someone the wrong way.
This is how I approach life also, Abraham Lincoln said it best " I don't like that man. I must get to know him better".
 

kwikee

Likes Dirt
Sad news, JD.
I haven't personally been affected by depression, so as someone with little experience, what do I say to someone who is suffering depression and having a tough time? A guy on the site I'm working on has been dealing with it all his life, and a few recent events triggered a bad time for him where he admitted to me on site that had we been higher than 7 floors (of 13 were building), he would've jumped. He just wasn't sure that 7 floors would kill him.

I didn't know what to say.

I've sat down and just talked about it, how it feels for him, what he does when things are really bad, what he thinks helps him and so on, but I really feel helpless. I can't tell him "I know" because I don't. He's a single divorced man, kids with his ex and none of that helps. The kids keep him going.

Recently his medication has been changed and he's much better, to the extent of being a bit over exuberant and flighty, but that's fine. Better than before.

So I guess my question is, what do you say to a grown, tough looking tattooed construction worker who is crying while talking to you saying some days it would be easier to just jump off a building?
 

John U

MTB Precision
Sad news, JD.
I haven't personally been affected by depression, so as someone with little experience, what do I say to someone who is suffering depression and having a tough time? A guy on the site I'm working on has been dealing with it all his life, and a few recent events triggered a bad time for him where he admitted to me on site that had we been higher than 7 floors (of 13 were building), he would've jumped. He just wasn't sure that 7 floors would kill him.

I didn't know what to say.

I've sat down and just talked about it, how it feels for him, what he does when things are really bad, what he thinks helps him and so on, but I really feel helpless. I can't tell him "I know" because I don't. He's a single divorced man, kids with his ex and none of that helps. The kids keep him going.

Recently his medication has been changed and he's much better, to the extent of being a bit over exuberant and flighty, but that's fine. Better than before.

So I guess my question is, what do you say to a grown, tough looking tattooed construction worker who is crying while talking to you saying some days it would be easier to just jump off a building?
I believe you don't need to be the one suffering depression to call lifeline or beyond blue or whoever. You can always call them to ask for assistance to help someone else who is suffering.
 

Big JD

Wheel size expert
Sad news, JD.
I haven't personally been affected by depression, so as someone with little experience, what do I say to someone who is suffering depression and having a tough time? A guy on the site I'm working on has been dealing with it all his life, and a few recent events triggered a bad time for him where he admitted to me on site that had we been higher than 7 floors (of 13 were building), he would've jumped. He just wasn't sure that 7 floors would kill him.

I didn't know what to say.

I've sat down and just talked about it, how it feels for him, what he does when things are really bad, what he thinks helps him and so on, but I really feel helpless. I can't tell him "I know" because I don't. He's a single divorced man, kids with his ex and none of that helps. The kids keep him going.

Recently his medication has been changed and he's much better, to the extent of being a bit over exuberant and flighty, but that's fine. Better than before.

So I guess my question is, what do you say to a grown, tough looking tattooed construction worker who is crying while talking to you saying some days it would be easier to just jump off a building?
He doesn't want you to say much- he wants to vent and wants to be heard. You were everything to that guy just by being there, showing you care and listening.

Well done mate
 

link1896

Wheel size expert
He doesn't want you to say much- he wants to vent and wants to be heard. You were everything to that guy just by being there, showing you care and listening.

Well done mate
Yep well done. You'll find many situations where there are no answers, all you can do is use your best judgment. It gets challenging when you have to interact with the police and health care system, in Victoria the police are in effect mental health workers with very little training. Most have compassion and an understanding.

Don't downplay the effects a serious event can have on you as the carer/responsible person, use personal/carers leave from work for a "you day", like a mid week ride on your own in a deserted park or trail.

I liken it to being the parent of a delinquent 13 year old with the legal right to alcohol, car keys and prescription meds.
 

fatboyonabike

Eats Squid
Sad news, JD.
ISo I guess my question is, what do you say to a grown, tough looking tattooed construction worker who is crying while talking to you saying some days it would be easier to just jump off a building?
Five simple words, its worked on me and I have used it on fellow work mates in similar situations.
FUCK WORK, LETS GO FISHING!
 
I just can't let shit go.

I know of the negative impact it has on me and my family, I know I can't change it, I know I need to accept it so I can move on and that its not the end of the world.

But I can't.

And I hate it.
 

Big JD

Wheel size expert
I just can't let shit go.

I know of the negative impact it has on me and my family, I know I can't change it, I know I need to accept it so I can move on and that its not the end of the world.

But I can't.

And I hate it.
Hi SJP

I know that feeling very well. I will pm you my mobile number. Feel free to give me a call for a friendly chat mate otherwise if it is getting on top of you, chat to the pros
 

SF Trailboy

Likes Bikes and Dirt
I just can't let shit go.

I know of the negative impact it has on me and my family, I know I can't change it, I know I need to accept it so I can move on and that its not the end of the world.

But I can't.

And I hate it.
Mate - its like a record player where the needle just wont go to the next song. Permanent repeat. It helps to talk, its hard to start but you would be surprised how many people are seeking help for this sort of stuff.

I for one am and I am lucky I stood up and got help or I was very close to falling off the edge.

Find a good mate to confide in for strength and then take some steps to talking to your GP to begin with and go on from there.

Its important to remember things will get better but you sometimes need some assistance to make that happen.

What ever you do don't leave it, as the longer it goes on the worse it gets.
 

Haakon

veni, vidi, volanti
Yeah, know that one too... Not just on big stuff, the little things can go around and around endlessly and drive you mental - literally.

Even dumb stuff like get a runout model now with SRAM on it, or wait a bit and get the proper XT version but not get as good a bargain and i could probably swap the SRAM for XT and still come out even, even though the current bike is still good and do I really need it after all, but i want it, but i want the new model a bit more, but maybe the runout one will be as cool etc etc. Actually, thats a bad example - this is genuinely important shit...


I've lost an uncle, an aunt and a cousin to their own demons, all very young. Faced a few of my own too, everyone has them to one degree or another...
 
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