Having a tough time being a Dad.

[SummitFever]

Being a parent is exceedingly difficult. The fact that you're concerned about it shows that you're a good one. It does get better, but never really easier. Each phase in a kids development has it own challenges and any time you feel like its getting easy you're probably not doing the job! But its the most rewarding thing you can do.

Also, try not to pay too much attention to the "super" parents out there who make it look like a walk in the park. Especially try to ignore a lot of the garbage that the media runs with in an effort to make everyone else feel inadequate.

 

[T.3]

Keep your chin up mate. It doesn't take long to realise that parenthood is quite different to how it's portrayed in a huggies ad. I don't know if it applies to you or not but sometimes people feel they're not doing it right when they see people portraying themselves on social media as the happiest most perfect family. No one is going to post a video of a tantrum or meltdown. Try not to get suckered into the media/social media hype it's a false economy.

Try and come to terms with the fact that her behavior is a stage. In saying that though come to terms with when this stage ends another begins, with all the good and bad that entails, and so on and so on.

 

[Knuckles]

All of the above. And, I found the best way to connect is to be a kid yourself again, find a time you can switch all the adult shit off and just be a juvenile idiot with them. I found that once they realised that I was willing to interact on their level, they would listen a little better each day. Admittedly the first took a few years, but the daughter caught on by two, that if she listened to me, I'd listen to her.

And as moorey pointed out you and the missus have to be on the same page and back each other up 100%, it's amazing how quickly the little shits learn to have you at each others' throats.

 

[stirk]

Don't fight a child, change their perspective.

But you must have patience as it takes time to influence them in the right way.

You will be tested, and you will win some battles and lose some battles.

Be their friend and act like they do once in a while (every day) and you'll get along better.

Nothing shuts a tantrum down like dad having one.

Hang in there and breathe.

Always bribe with lollie's.

 

[thecat]

Two year olds are tough to deal with, but remember who the adult is.

Each kid is different but there is a reason they call it the terrible twos. They are just starting to realise they are an individual and have to push the boundaries to learn where those boundaries are. And it's the parent who have to set them.

Take solace in the fact no body I know is a natural parent, we all learned as we went and most of us stuff up here and there. Any dad that claims he didn't go through bad patches probably didn't spend enough time at home.

Once upon a time we lived in family groups and were able to lean on the elder members knowledge.

But remember it gets better and the rewards as they get older far out weigh the tantrums and dumby spits when they are two.

 

[Klips]

Not a dad, a way away from kids, but just chipping in to say good on you for realising you've got a problem, admitting it and owning it. Hopefully the above gives you some help and respite!

 

[angrybadger]

Yeah... hang in there champ. It's very common... and very fucking hard.
We went through a period where we were shouted at, kicked, poked in the eyeballs, bitten, pinched, etc pretty much every day over the smallest things. On the plus side, it was interspersed with the sweetest, kindest loving behavior any parent could hope for. The bad stuff blew over after a few months. We still get public meltdowns over refusal to buy something / do something / go somewhere, but they're pretty infrequent now and nowhere near as unpleasant.

Not sure how much this stuff really helped, but here's a few things we do:
-Like other folk have said, the parents need to be 100% together. We are, even if we don't fully agree.
-Never pick a battle I'm not prepared to see all the way through and win. I pick my battles carefully.
-Ignore the tantrums and whining as much as possible. Minimal attention to bad behavior.
-(I reckon this is the important one) Praise the kid for ANY good behavior; we don't ignore anything nice, creative, polite, patient, etc, etc that the kid does. If it's good, it's recognized; if it's bad, it's not given much attention (that's within reason - some shit needs to be stopped). I reckon kids that young want and need attention and they don't differentiate between good or bad. We make sure there's more way attention for doing good things than for bad things.
-We keep a jar of dried pasta in his room, if he does something good, we put one in, something bad, we take one out. When it's full we go out and buy him a present.

 

[moorey]

This^
Also, praise the action, not the kid. 'You did a great job/put a great effort in', not 'you are a good girl'. Same goes for negative behaviors.

 

[C0na]

To add to angry badgers reply..
I find time out in their room if they are non-negotiable or in a fit works well, telling them that they can come out when they have calmed down. Then we talk about what happened and what she did wrong.
she now takes herself to her own room to calm herself down if we are having an argument.
Also when they start to get argumentative (the beginning of an argument) get on their eye level and calmly explain to them want you want them to do. And tell them consequences if they do not listen/do what you ask. (talking down to my kid has never worked)
The countdown works well for us too, (if you don't do what I say by the count of 5 there will be consequences).
Always follow through with your punishments.

It gets easier and I have found girls become a little distant with their fathers at age 2, a friend of mine has noticed this too. She is older now and has completely changed in that regard.

 

[PLUGGA]

Thanks dudes. Awesome support from a bunch of awesome people. Hearing everybody goes through similar shit, softens the blow, and gives me a bit of clarity. My Grandfather had a cool saying "It's nice to know nice people" Whilst I don't know anyone here personally, it seems pretty appropriate at the moment. Cheers! Nah, I've got something in my eye, I swear"....

 

[moorey]

To add to angry badgers reply..
I find time out in their room if they are non-negotiable or in a fit works well, telling them that they can come out when they have calmed down. Then we talk about what happened and what she did wrong.
she now takes herself to her own room to calm herself down if we are having an argument.
Also when they start to get argumentative (the beginning of an argument) get on their eye level and calmly explain to them want you want them to do. And tell them consequences if they do not listen/do what you ask. (talking down to my kid has never worked)
The countdown works well for us too, (if you don't do what I say by the count of 5 there will be consequences).
Always follow through with your punishments.

It gets easier and I have found girls become a little distant with their fathers at age 2, a friend of mine has noticed this too. She is older now and has completely changed in that regard.

Count of 3 for us. 1 minute in time out per year of age. Hits the reset button 9/10 times. Small things, we don't discuss afterwards, bigger things, yep. Straight to time out for hitting etc. No count on that stuff.
Wish someone would send me to the bedroom for 44 minutes now and then. out:

 

[slippy]

You could get up to a lot in there on your own with that much time on your hands...

 

[Knuckles]

You could get up to a lot in there on your own with that much time on your hands...

Fuck yeah. I could do with 42 minutes sleep now and then.

 

[Bermshot]

Fuck yeah. I could do with 42 minutes sleep now and then.

1/4 tab of Melatonin.

 

[Minlak]

Phenergan | myVMC
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No seriously I am the adult you are the child you will do what I tell you. Never negotiated and never did the counting thing it's either do it or consequence. You need to find the parenting advice that works for but you can't chop and change you choose a path and follow it. As I explained to my child the other day I am not your friend I am here to make sure you survive when you hit the world. That may mean you hate me sometimes but I can live with that for the overall good. We then discuss my decision but the decision always stands firm.

 

[kwikee]

Never mind...

 

[moorey]

Phenergan | myVMC
www.myvmc.com › drugs › phenergan
Mobile-friendly - Phenergan is an antihistamine used in the treatment of allergies; to stop nausea and vomiting; and for sedation and ...


No seriously I am the adult you are the child you will do what I tell you. Never negotiated and never did the counting thing it's either do it or consequence. You need to find the parenting advice that works for but you can't chop and change you choose a path and follow it. As I explained to my child the other day I am not your friend I am here to make sure you survive when you hit the world. That may mean you hate me sometimes but I can live with that for the overall good. We then discuss my decision but the decision always stands firm.

Negotiation/compromising is an essential life skill. Do you ever use it with people in positions of authority? (Police/boss/....wife)
No, I don't mean give in to whining, but I think your approach worked well in a past time, but the world has changed, and you need to prepare kids for the world as it it, for better or worse.

Flame suit on.

 

[kwikee]

I agree with Minlak, but amended a bit:
You need to find the parenting advice that works for and works with the child, and have consistent reactions and consequences. Kids understand patterns, they need to know that a certain behaviour will have a certain response every time.
I am not here to be your best friend, I am here to help you grow into a person who as an independent being can face all the shit the world has to throw at you and not only cope with it, but use it effectively.
Raising kids is not easy, and all we can do is do our best. As said already, there aren't too many rights or wrongs as long as your intentions are right.

All I'll add is you have to work at it. Look at the patterns forming in your and their behaviour, and ask yourself "How is this working out for us here?". Same behaviour will get the same response, so sometimes a change of approach is required.
Know their currency ( what they love the most, ie PlayStation, TV, Lego, Barbies, etc) and deal in that. It's a very effective way to reach what is important to them at that time and use it to your advantage.

 

[Boom King]

To add to angry badgers reply..
I find time out in their room if they are non-negotiable or in a fit works well, telling them that they can come out when they have calmed down. Then we talk about what happened and what she did wrong.
she now takes herself to her own room to calm herself down if we are having an argument.
Also when they start to get argumentative (the beginning of an argument) get on their eye level and calmly explain to them want you want them to do. And tell them consequences if they do not listen/do what you ask. (talking down to my kid has never worked)
The countdown works well for us too, (if you don't do what I say by the count of 5 there will be consequences).
Always follow through with your punishments.

It gets easier and I have found girls become a little distant with their fathers at age 2, a friend of mine has noticed this too. She is older now and has completely changed in that regard.

This is spot on. You both need to be on the same page too as many have said.

Kids test boundaries, it's in the contract they signed. You make those boundaries and make sure they don't change. They learn quickly and thrive as a result.

It will get better before too long but don't hesitate in talking to professionals if your feelings don't lift.

 

[fatboyonabike]

and just remember.
We don't negotiate with terrorists!