I need to make my neighbors be quiet

[harmonix1234]

One small tube of superglue.
Take off the lid and squeeze the whole tube into the drivers side keyhole of the car.
Make sure you get the thin little nozzle right in there.
It will render the lock useless and they will have to climb in the passenger side and climb over every time they want to go for a drive.
Pain in the a55.

Or, just do it to the boot. That way they won't know for weeks until they go and buy something really big, like the weekly shop and then ralise their boot won't open.
Deal with that in the supermarket car park.
Pain in the A55.

Cutting aluminium. With a grinder or saw. Worst sound in the universe.

Buteric acid. Basically the rankest stuff in the universe.
Get a block of butter and put in a tupperware container and leave in the sun for about two weeks.
First it will melt and seperate, then it goes white, then black, the grey liquid, then black again. Now you have buteric acid.
This acrid juice is so potent that whatever it gets on it ruined forever.
Spill some on your jeans? Don't wash them, you'll ruin your washing machine and all the clothes in it.

Get it on your hands? You'r not going to be able stomach eating anything with that hand for months. It stains so deep and so vile.
I will give you $500 if you can take a lung full of this stuff without losing your lunch.

Made it once, will never ever do it again.
But in your case, you may want to dab a few drops in his letterbox, or under the handle of his car, or run a paintbrush work over his clothes line wires.

 

[Norco Maniac]

feeling for you, my Coffs neighbours were extreme. Coffs council were useless even when i had video of the uphill neighbour's rat-on-stilts barking at my loungeroom window for eight hours straight and her married boyfriend used to park his semi across my driveway so i couldn't get my car out to go to work.


every time they go out, spread fish emulsion under each of their windows, at least then they'll close them.

 

[MrZ32]

Directional microphone that is facing the neighbors and blares it back to them through a sound system. .. The quieter they are. .. The less noise that goes back to them

 

[BT180]

Just build this, West Bank style:

 

[Norco Maniac]

I think I may have given this advice to norcomaniac at some point.......mow the nature strip starkers, works wonders, my neighbours have avoided me for the last three years.

Edit: wear boots and gloves, and for the love of all that is good, make sure you have the catcher attached.

i'm sure Dozer in his whitie tighties would be even more scary than me in my old woman buff. having said that, Dozer could comb his hair as
PoSM said, and visit the neighbours in his scads with a very large bible tucked under his arm.

I have neighbour's "friends" here who love to scream insults out of a moving car at me when i work on my garden after i inadvertently (sp?) caught them doing burnouts in our street of mostly elderly people whilst filming garbage trucks for my autistic nephew - "yeah you big fat copfucker film this" but i did find that hoisting an axe over my shoulder whilst giving them the royal wave meant they gave up after a while.


Dozer - do you have a combustion fire? or even not, how about you chop wood out in your front yard when they're being noisy?

 

[Comic Book Guy]

Not sure if its been said yet but have overly loud sex with all your windows open.... that will make them close theirs quick smart

Reading this reminded me of the time the clown next door to me went interstate for a few months and left the house to be minded by his bogan mate. The bogan mate and his girlfriend would have noisy sex with the windows open. It was bad enough having to listen to them but they where both really fat. The image in my head was sickening.

 

[Skydome]

Another thing you could do just for the lol's, is order a dump truck full of gravel and tell them to dump it on the front lawn.

 

[pharmaboy]

Need a third person.

Get third person to mention in passing how level headed Dozer is these days , especially since the trauma of serving 8 years at her majesty's pleasure . When asked what for - doesn't talk about it, think it was armed robbery , something about firearms anyway .

Now, everytime something happens, walk over, tell them it doesn't seem very neighbourly to you and could they stop. As it becomes more common, escalate your temper a little bit, and maybe mention that I'm doing my best, and I'm keeping my anger in check - please don't anger me, it will be very bad for you, and very bad for me .

Even very dumb people experience fear, and paranoia makes fear a very worthwhile tool

 

[schneller schneller]

Another thing you could do just for the lol's, is order a dump truck full of gravel and tell them to dump it on the front lawn.

second this motion, gravel, mulch or dirty soil would be funny. Week after week just keep getting it dumped..
otherwise yeah chain saw wood for fun (who knows maybe you have an inner sculpture in you?) or just grind metal. both of these can be started at 7am legally as you know..

 

[Dug]

Herbie to the rescue

Sounds like the Tennant from Hell Im having to deal with in my place ATM. Do you think it would help if I sent Herbie up to sort em out....Or I can send you a can of
"Fuck them Noisy Wanky Neighbour Bastards Right OFF"....:behindsofa:

 

[boyracer]

Worst sound in the universe.

'Beater blade' used to cut Bondor coolroom panels with a circular saw.
You can borrow mine for a sixxer.

 

[MrZ32]

Being a d!ck for the sake of being a d!ck will not help your cause. .. but try treating them like children with positive reinforcement etc... They won't even realise that you are training them... The best revenge of all

 

[placebo]

This guy's got the right idea, it activates automatically if the noise is too loud:

[video=youtube;KnHYKVIbDcs]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=KnHYKVIbDcs[/video]

article here:

http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Deal-with-Noisy-Neighbors/

 

[Fruitbat]

Not so long ago I would have suggested getting some motorcycle enthusiast friends to have a BBQ on your front lawn. My old neighbours got the message pretty quickly that being dicks for the sake of it may lead to a whole new level of retaliation.
These days I am not so sure that it would be a good idea. The neighbours call the cops and next thing you know you are labelled as an associate....

 

[3viltoast3r]

A. Dynamic lifter/horse shit.

B. See video above.

C. Eggs

 

[Rob_74]

I knew some people who were probably considered bad neighbours and had had a few runs ins with the old ethnic guy next door. This had escalated when for a bet whilst drunk they stole one of his chickens (which they used to hate as they would wake them early in the morning) and beheaded it (btw chickens dont continue to walk around headless apparently). A couple of confrontations resulted about the "missing" chicken. The following weekend whilst having a party with the music way too loud old boy from next door walked into the house uninvited carrying a shot gun on his shoulder and without saying anything walked up to the stereo and turned it off - then said "Next Time I take your stereo"... and then turned and left.... they never played the music as loud again and moved out when the lease expired...

You could try the above and hope they dont have firearms themselves...

 

[Knuckles]

Wood chipper, pig carcass, back yard, 3am. One look over the fence to see what's making that God awful noise, and.........just tell the cops your mincer was playing up, when they arrive.

 

[ChopSticks]

Best thread in a long long time !!!

some suggestions are absolute gold !
as people have mentioned...its up to you, how far you want/dare to take it.

def do nothing with their letter box..... thats a federal offence.


- I would personally take a hacksaw to their water main in the middle of the night, dig as far down as you can, shut the main, cut a small incision into the brass pipe (make sure you cut on their side, and not the council/outside of the meter) hopefully they discover the slight loss of pressure and spend $$$ on a plumber and the quarterly water bill.

- Call up the police and say theres a serious domestic going on (due to noise), and you may have seen the husband hit/beat the wife (MAY have seen). and its on going through the night (son play noisy games), and that you fear for her safety. You've also seen her cry during the day when the husband is at work/gone. Do it once a week and the coppers should be regulars..... maybe even social workers?

- Likewise with the pets....call up the RSPCA and say you think they are neglected, they don't get cleaned or fed and you saw the abusive (above) husband beat/kick the dogs...... and they should be moved to a loving home

- Call up escorts/strippers and say theres a bucks night etc going on at X Address......preferably males/gay ones...... better still... sign up to Swingers clubs etc (gumtree or the likes) and say theres a swinging night going on at X address.

- Go into a internet cafe and set up a fake facebook account and create a massive open house party event...invite all of your kids friends..... (dont invite your son/daughter)....Preferably their friends from other schools (so it doesn't originate from your kids school) and let the kids do the dirty work of sharing it and..... hopefully the damage.

- One thing I have yet to try is lean a wheelie bin against someones front door..... fill it to the brim with water and ring the bell........ a few hundred litres of water should take many hours to mop

- If their air conditioning unit is within reach.... try throwing/squirting/pouring (you get the idea) melted butter into the external units...and wait for it to turn rancid.

- Freeze big blocks of ice in tupperware containers.....big enough you can throw (but with good mass to cause damage) onto their roof tiles...hopefully enough to crack them....leaves no evidence (works for windows too)

- Put rocks/bricks/boulder in their driveway... depending on layout/ slope of their land... it might be in their blind spot and they wont see it until they run over/into it.

- Steal their car no. plates..... take one of yours off too (maybe a neighbour aswell whos in on the action), so it looks like crims came through the entire street during the night..... reinstall and say "you went and replaced them at the RTA"........ all lost plates need to be reported to the police

Good luck Garth

 

[wombat]

Dozer, the solution is simple. Get your missus to dress up in some sharp business attire and give her a microphone. Get yourself a big-ass video camera (or stick some drain pipe on an an empty carton and paint it black) and get a couple of mates to come over and give them a big light and a dead ferret on a stick.

Then wait for the shitty neighbours to come out of their house and chase them down the street, hurling questions at them, asking if they have a reason why your viewers shouldn't name them as Australia's worst neighbours.

 

[Rob_74]

Do you have any of their phone numbers? Post them on rotorburn and see what happens...