Jokes Thread.
- Thread starter mattvincent
- Start date
Rider Down!!!
Banned
im soo sorry but they are crap.
yes they are.
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 yearold woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?' The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said,
'Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?' The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.' A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child. The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?' The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.' The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black.'
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 yearold woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?' The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said,
'Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?' The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.' A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child. The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?' The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.' The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black.'
{ScarFace}
Likes Dirt
Haha, nice.
Keep the jokes comin' (Distasteful sexually reference to joke above maybe?) people, this thread has been pretty slow lately.
{ScarFace}
Likes Dirt
A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
"Ten pounds," he replies.
"We’ll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator.
About 9 a.m., there’s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.”
The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He’s lost 10 pounds!
That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds."
"We’ll send someone over."
The next morning, he’s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.” The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he’s lost 20 pounds!
That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!"
"Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That’s an awful lot."
The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!"
About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads “If I catch you…”
"Ten pounds," he replies.
"We’ll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator.
About 9 a.m., there’s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.”
The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He’s lost 10 pounds!
That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds."
"We’ll send someone over."
The next morning, he’s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.” The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he’s lost 20 pounds!
That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!"
"Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That’s an awful lot."
The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!"
About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads “If I catch you…”
{ScarFace}
Likes Dirt
Pinocchio and his girlfriend are in bed, doing what wooden puppets do, when she suddenly sighs. He asks her why, and she replies, "You’re probably the best lover I’ve ever had, but every time we make love you give me splinters."
This remark bothers Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he seeks advice from Gepetto, who suggests a bit of sandpaper might "smooth out" Pinnochio’s relationship with his girlfriend. Pinocchio graciously thanks his creator and goes on his way.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto runs into Pinocchio at the hardware store, where his little wooden friend is buying every package of sandpaper the store has in stock.
"So, Pinocchio," Gepetto remarks, "things must be going pretty damn good with the girls, eh?"
"Girls?" says Pinocchio, "Who needs girls?"
This remark bothers Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he seeks advice from Gepetto, who suggests a bit of sandpaper might "smooth out" Pinnochio’s relationship with his girlfriend. Pinocchio graciously thanks his creator and goes on his way.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto runs into Pinocchio at the hardware store, where his little wooden friend is buying every package of sandpaper the store has in stock.
"So, Pinocchio," Gepetto remarks, "things must be going pretty damn good with the girls, eh?"
"Girls?" says Pinocchio, "Who needs girls?"
{ScarFace}
Likes Dirt
Disturbed.Rider
Likes Bikes and Dirt
guy walks into a store and says to the lady "i want a kitkat chunky"
she goes off and brings back a kitkat chunky
the man says "damnit i wanted a regular kitkat fatty"
she goes off and brings back a kitkat chunky
the man says "damnit i wanted a regular kitkat fatty"
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Vicious_Fishes
Banned
Disturbed.Rider
Likes Bikes and Dirt
Totally.
Especially considdering your emmensly witty and not cockish post earlier.
Especially considdering your emmensly witty and not cockish post earlier.
Vicious_Fishes
Banned
which one, there are many...Totally.
Especially considdering your emmensly witty and not cockish post earlier.
flatbeat
Likes Bikes
jono rides a hardrock pro
Likes Bikes
heres a little lame one from year 2
a guy walks into a shop and asks for a straw, he gets one and walks out
another guy walks in and asks for a straw, he gets one and walks off
another guy walks in and asks for a fork, the the shopkeeper asks why do you want a fork when everyone else wants a straw. The guy then replies well someone vomitted in the street and all the liquid is gone so im settling with the chunky bits
cheers
Jono
a guy walks into a shop and asks for a straw, he gets one and walks out
another guy walks in and asks for a straw, he gets one and walks off
another guy walks in and asks for a fork, the the shopkeeper asks why do you want a fork when everyone else wants a straw. The guy then replies well someone vomitted in the street and all the liquid is gone so im settling with the chunky bits
cheers
Jono
peachy
Ripe 'n ready!
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA thats fucking gold bro
*warning, racial joke ahead*
_______ = insert race
Theres this ________ in grade three, he comes home from school one day and says to his mother:
Aboriginal: "Mommi mommi, I's have the biggest dick in grade THREE!!!!!!!11111111shift1. Is it cuz I is black?"
Mother: "No you dickhead, its because you're 19"
*edited due to offensive nature*
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nearly there peachy, but the suggestion remains that its black (Aboriginal is indicated) folks who are in year three at age 19 and the terms "I's have" & "is it cuz" reeks of deep south you know what.
I suspect you've simply overlooked this and will finish your edit when you notice though.
I suspect you've simply overlooked this and will finish your edit when you notice though.
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