Didnt know cod were that small.
Not his finger?@Minlak 's elbow of course.
Ok Gentleman it has take a week and a couple of days but I think I am ready to tell the tale of the "Cut Finger".
Short version my wife almost took the top of my finger on a recent hunting trip the long version below is far more humiliating and hilarious.
Sit back grab a beer and read on.....
Around nine months ago I had gastric bypass surgery (makes you lose massive weight and not be able to put it back on) and since the operation certain foods now go straight through me in a very runny consistency and with some urgency. There is very little warning on what is called "Dumping" and is a side effect of the operation. The challenge is sometimes the foods are perfectly fine and others not so much. So with the preface taken care of let the frivolity begin.
We were camped 100km's from the nearest town out past Mitchell in Queensland on a hunting trip on a 40,000 acre property. We had set up an ensuite and used a 20 litre bucket, lined with plastic garbage bags and a pool noodle on it as a toilet. This was housed in an ensuite tent on one side and shower on the other. We had an Up & Go for breakfast as it is a good source of protein and energy and as we were heading out from camp at daylight it was quick and easy. After 3hrs ish of hunting we returned to camp for some proper breakfast and refresh and this is when it all went pear shaped.
As I exited the vehicle I was struck with a very sudden urge to go to the toilet and made straight for the ensuite. The ensuite is zippered closed (to keep snakes out and has mesh flooring) as I undid the lower half of the zipper my bowels vacated into my pants before I had removed them (I shit my pants). Not wanting to make a mess in the ensuite as we have a limited water supply on board I asked my wife to assist. She removed the bucket (toilet) from the ensuite and placed it the middle of the paddock. Not wanting to get poo any where else or on anything else I pulled down my pants and lowered my underpants to mid thigh and sat on the toilet.
If you have read this far you and not turned away disgusted then here is your reward.
Not wanting to make more mess than I had already I decided that cutting the underpants off and throwing them away was the best course of action. Thus I asked my wife to go and find a pair of scissors to cut said underpants. Wife was unable to locate scissors (she should of looked in the first aid kit as were just about to discover it holds scissors) so I suggested "Just get your knife" so she did. Now gentle reader you need to understand I take particular pride in my hunting knives and the one I had ordained her to carry in the field was my Benchmade Skinning Knife. An extremely sharp high quality knife. There I am sitting with my underpants stretched between my thighs with a payload of poo awaiting the ceremonial cutting of the ribbon.
Now some of you may be a lot smarter then me and realised already what occurs when you cut elastic? Caught on yet? Yup that is right as the elastic beside the right leg was cut the underpants flung across to left leg slapping against my left inner thigh and covering my thigh in the aforementioned poo. Now I start making ewww / squealing sounds and knife safety seems to have gone out the window and the wife tries to help only managing to slash my left ring finger to the bone.
After fetching a bandaid from the first aid kit (and discovering the scissors) I look down to see a 10cm round pool of blood and more blood streaming from my finger. Now I am perfectly fine with other peoples injuries however personal injuries of a severe nature tend to result in fainting. So I was not looking closely at the wound until the original source of the wound was addressed.
Easter weekend 200 kms from the nearest medical attention we just made do with the first aid kit on hand. It took 4 days for the blood to completely stop coming out. About 3hrs later we were driving the paddocks again when I burst out laughing thinking about if some one was to discover the plastic garbage back bag at camp with cut undies, shit and blood all through it.
It's another cyber attack. Scomo will be fronting the press soonHaving trouble accessing via PC today, no luck on Chrome or Edge and isitdownrightnow.com is reporting the site as down however no issues with access on Android phone. Curiouser and curiouser.