Daniel Hale
She fid, he fid, I fidn't
sounds like you should sign up for the 2022 season of MAFSAny words of wisdom? Help strangers of the internet!
to use MTB slang -just send it ,
sounds like you should sign up for the 2022 season of MAFSAny words of wisdom? Help strangers of the internet!
Going to respond to this from the other perspective, and with cross reference to the other thread.Any words of wisdom? Help strangers of the internet!
See that first part is a concept that I was never been able to relate to but have had a small glimpse of with this girl. We'd know eachother for about a year before anything happened between us so the friends part was well and truely established.having a partner who is your best friend is even better.
-snip-
and hate this empty lonely feeling
Imposter syndrome is very much a thing with me.Going to respond to this from the other perspective, and with cross reference to the other thread.
My partner of 7 years has lived for a long time with clinical anxiety and depression. Like you, when we started getting into a relationship (as opposed to dating/hooking up) she started to really struggle - the closer/more "together" we got, she'd increasingly experience anxiety episodes around a sort of imposter syndrome ("I don't deserve this/I'm going to ruin this") to the point of a couple full scale panic attacks and withdrawal periods where I wouldn't hear from her for a few days each (this preceded us living together). I found it challenging. I'd never experienced what she was going through myself, and hadn't been that close to it before either. My instinctive response was to take the periods of radio silence personally like I'd done something to piss her off - clearly that's the worst thing I could have done, and I learned quickly.
In the end the thing that made the difference was openness and honesty - you already said you had a win on this re: her understanding of depression, she sounds like the sort of person who will respond well to "I want to do this but sometimes I freak out despite myself".
As for reducing the freak outs, well put it this way - romantic relationships break down all the time, yes, but the thing that fucks them up most is people not putting in the effort. If you go through it constantly waiting for the axe to fall then you're going to hold stuff back and create a situation in which it's inevitable. If you bring her into how you're feeling and work on it together, it'll grow.
If you aren’t happy being alone you won’t be happy in a relationship either. I didn’t mean I hate being single, some parts suck, I more miss that connection I had with my ex. On the whole I’m doing pretty good. Leitch nailed it with his post, openness, honesty and the ability to compromise are what keeps things going. He didn’t really say “don’t do it” like I thought he was going to when he started with “from the other perspective “ but laid out a nice warning of the work that goes into these things.See that first part is a concept that I was never been able to relate to but have had a small glimpse of with this girl. We'd know eachother for about a year before anything happened between us so the friends part was well and truely established.
And the second part. I do really well with being single. My previous relationship was 11 years and I felt very trapped in that which adds to my hesitation to get into anything. Then again this chick is very independent so I'd have no issues going off and doing my own thing which is nice.
Urgh, yes. Fuck that shit. That's from the people who equate being single to having some kind of temporary disease. Some people just can't stomach it. Some people are also hopelessly co-dependant but that's another topic.One other thing about single life I hate is friends trying to hook my up with other people . The surprise blind double dates are getting old. Fuck off and leave me be damnit! Ain’t no time for women I have bikes to buy and a mortgage to sort out.
Wasn't meant to be a warning! Just meant that from the perspective of the woman involved, the more open he can be the easier it will be for her and the less likely to go to shit I'm firmly in the "do it" camp.He didn’t really say “don’t do it” like I thought he was going to when he started with “from the other perspective “ but laid out a nice warning of the work that goes into these things.
That was much the way I took your messageWasn't meant to be a warning! Just meant that from the perspective of the woman involved, the more open he can be the easier it will be for her and the less likely to go to shit I'm firmly in the "do it" camp.
Ha! So when I became single I had no end of people trying to set me up. In the end I grew a stupid, and I mean proper stupid, moustache as a means to dissuade women. It had mixed results as apparently a lot of chicks would look at me and think "that guy looks fun!" Haha.One other thing about single life I hate is friends trying to hook my up with other people . The surprise blind double dates are getting old. Fuck off and leave me be damnit! Ain’t no time for women I have bikes to buy and a mortgage to sort out.
Any words of wisdom? Help strangers of the internet!
Make sure you turn the control centre downstairs off and use the one up top. Make sure you are 100% sure of her intentions and longer term objectives (kids or whatetver) and then keep in mind that these things still change over time. Some girlsare crazy scary how they can put on a show for ages and then as soon as they achieve the goal (marriage usually) bam they go apeshit. Not saying this is the case, looks like you've got yourself a keeper but sometimes you can't tell whether its downstairs or upstairs making the calls.Imposter syndrome is very much a thing with me.
Not while she’s home, FFS!...allegedly.My tip, buy a $10k bike and put it on the oven. Gauge her reactions and then make your mind from there...
My wife did that and I didn't react. She knew I was a keeper.My tip, buy a $10k bike and put it on the oven. Gauge her reactions and then make your mind from there...
We've been friends for about a year and have only recently started seeing eachother.Make sure you turn the control centre downstairs off and use the one up top. Make sure you are 100% sure of her intentions and longer term objectives (kids or whatetver) and then keep in mind that these things still change over time.
Huh. I've just realised that I did the same with my ex. I'd much rather do things in a group or alone than with just us.I agree that being with someone who shares your interests and goals is paramount. I love having adventures with my wife. With my ex, I'd rather do things in groups so as to minimise our times alone. I never really understood that until I met someone who I felt the opposite about.
FARK...that means she's got more than an inkling of how much your bike really cost., now she's President of our MTB club.
7 days mine was a keepr, we ran away after 5 weeks, got pregnant, married inside a year.... 17 years on, loving it.We've only been seeing eachother for just shy of two months