Blondeness

DJ_Robbie

Likes Bikes and Dirt
True story that happened yesterday
Upon having a conversation about people being too cheap to afford proper motorised golf carts and someone saying they had seen people using ride on mowers instead, the class blonde piped up

"Doesnt the golf course people get annoyed when it cuts the grass"

Gold.
 

donthucktoflat

Eats Squid
a professor was telling his science class about substances that contain glucose and at the top of his list of glucose strength was semen. a blonde at the back of the room piped up and said
"well why doesn't it taste sweet then?"
immediately realising what she'd just said she went bright red and picked up her book and left the room. just as she was leaving, and with a totally straight face the professor replied
"because the taste receptors for sweet things are at the tip of your tongue, not at the back of your throat"

GOLD
 

Kreaky

Likes Dirt
donthucktoflat said:
a professor was telling his science class about substances that contain glucose and at the top of his list of glucose strength was semen. a blonde at the back of the room piped up and said
"well why doesn't it taste sweet then?"
immediately realising what she'd just said she went bright red and picked up her book and left the room. just as she was leaving, and with a totally straight face the professor replied
"because the taste receptors for sweet things are at the tip of your tongue, not at the back of your throat"

GOLD
BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

THATS THE FUNNIEST FARKINTHING EVER!!! YOUR A LEGEND!!!!
 

donthucktoflat

Eats Squid
here's another one.

there was a blonde convention and there was a guy on the stage trying to prove that blondes were NOT stupid. he called up a volunteer and said to her, if you can answer this question correctly then you have proved that blondes are not stupid. are you ready? ok, what is one plus one?
naturally the blonde replies "three" the whole crowd shouts out GIVE HER ANOTHER TRY so the announcer agrees. he askes the blonde again and this time she replies "four" the whole crowd shouts out GIVE HER ANOTHER TRY so the announcer agrees but tells them that this is definately the last time. so he asks her again and she replies "two" and the whole crowd shouts out GIVE HER ANOTHER TRY.

(P.S. i am blonde as well :p )
 

DEVLIN

Likes Dirt
There were two blondes standing at a bar. One turns to the other and asks
'Which is closer, London or the moon?'
'Der, can you see London?'
 

wombat

Lives in a hole
If you're easily offended, skip this post and go listen to lawsy for a while or something.



I really can't be stuffed typing out long jokes, so these will have to suffice for now:

What's the difference between a blonde and the titanic?
We know how many men went down on the titanic.

What's a blondes idea of safe sex?
A padded dash.

How do blondes like their eggs?
Fertilised

What do you call ten blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

What's a blondes mating call?
"I think I'm drunk"

What was the blondes job at the OJ factory?
Proof reading.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the "W"s.

Why don't blondes like pickles?
They can't fit their head in the jar.

Why do blondes wear panties?
To keep their ankles warm.

How do you tell when a blonde's benn using a dishwasher?
The drains are colgged with paper plates.

Why do blondes take the pill?
So they know what day it is.

What do you call it when one blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
Data transfer.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted.

How do you make a blonde laugh on monday morning?
Tell her a joke friday night.

How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch in her ear.

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Gets dressed and goes home.

Why don't blondes like vibrators?
They chip their teeth.
 

dilemma

girl+bike
A couple were in the process of having a new house built. As the house was nearing completion, they paid a visit with the builder to see how things were going.

The builder led them in and started showing them around the house. He began in a bedroom. After he had finished explaining to them about the built-in-wardrobes, carpet laying and light fittings, he stuck his head out the window and called out “Green side up!”

The couple glanced at each other but thought little more of it as the builder then led them into the bathroom.

He showed them the tiling progress and plumbing. While they were inspecting the bath, the builder again opened up the window, stuck his head out and yelled, “Green side up!”

The couple were starting to get a little perplexed, but shrugged their shoulders as they moved onto the lounge room. The builder showed them the placement of the power points and showed them samples of the paint colours which they had chosen for the room. Once more, the builder went over to the window, stuck his head out and yelled, this time clearly annoyed: “Green side up, damn it, GREEN SIDE UP!”

The couple were now at a loss and asked the builder what he meant by yelling that out the window.

He replied, “Oh, I’ve just got a couple of blondes out the back laying the turf.”
 

S.

ex offender
oo oo another one:

Why did the blonde take bread to the toilet?









To feed the toilet duck!
 

DJ_Robbie

Likes Bikes and Dirt
S. said:
oo oo another one:

Why did the blonde take bread to the toilet?









To feed the toilet duck!
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
:roll: :roll: :roll:
thats shithouse.
 

cE

Likes Dirt
Oldie but a goodie:

Q. How can you tell when a blonde's been using your computer?

A. There's Liquid Paper on the screen.
 

dilemma

girl+bike
^^^^ ha ha. No liquid paper on my screen, I might add. And I was only joking about not getting it (above), honest! :wink:

Blondes and Birds

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.

It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?

Is it
A) The condor;
B) The buzzard;
C) The cuckoo; or
D) The vulture?"

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it. Mainly because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde.

But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.

The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Eddie any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, it would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.

“I need an answer," said Eddie.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Eddie.

"Yes, that is my final answer."

Two minutes later, Eddie said, "I regret to inform you that that answer is... absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends - including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

"Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. By the way... how did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests.
They live in clocks.”
 

protecon

Likes Dirt
How do you know a blonde is having a bad day?
Theres a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

A blonde goes into a library and says, Id like a burger with fries. The librarian says, Dont you know where you are?
The blonde says, (whispering) I'd like a burger with fries.

How is a blonde like a screen door?
The more you slam it, the looser it gets.

What did the blondes right leg say to her left leg?
Nothing they never meet.

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a swimming pool.

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
Who cares?

What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
The blonde has the higher sperm count.
 

johnny

I'll tells ya!
Staff member
protecon said:
How do you know a blonde is having a bad day?
Theres a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

A blonde goes into a library and says, Id like a burger with fries. The librarian says, Dont you know where you are?
The blonde says, (whispering) I'd like a burger with fries.



How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

.
Classic stuff, maybe even "Champagne comedy" as mr Sitch would say!
 

mattydownhiller

Likes Dirt
my gf is blond and were on ma lounge and she looked up at my sky light (this was in the night and there more clouds covering the starts) and she sed " is that see through during the day time"

lol now thats blond 4 ya
 
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