Confessions from the fuckwits

[ChopSticks]

Im a parasite AND a fuckwit

i rarely agree with anything you say.... But there is always a first

 

[moorey]

i rarely agree with anything you say.... But there is always a first

Love you too, mate:third:

 

[Norco Maniac]

i've been trying to get a break in the rain the last three days to ride to the shops and post off a piece of jewelry a customer bought from my online shop. i've not wanted to get a wet arse (soft, i know) and the car is with my OH at work till about 5.30 every day.

so today i'm watching the sky looking to head out between showers. i wipe out the wet trolley bag, and proceed to ride off leaving my lock-up chain at home. then i get to the shops and realise that after carefully noting the buyer's postal address down, i've left the item of jewelry home as well....:frusty:

so of course i get a wet arse on the way home, don't i? :mmph:

 

[clydesmcdale]

Heading down the start of a steep trail I’ve not ridden before. Start coming down and within about 20m the bars decide to turn sideways whilst the front wheel stays straight. How nice. Pull the brakes and realise after tweaking the headset and bar position last night, I’ve not retightened the stem bolts. Good times, almost killed myself.

Jump off the bike, grab the multi-tool, realign the bars, tighten the bolts, off I go again. Get into work, find I’ve ‘misplaced’ the multi-tool. Rad. Check the video footage and see it laying on the side of the trail as I roll away. Dipshit. Will go get it tomorrow.

 

[Hamsta]

A mate and I ran his wagon out of fuel 200m from his folks place, purely because we were too lazy to stop and buy petrol earlier in the day whilst enroute for some surfing. We pushed the car home and into the garage. As it was hot, we closed the garage door. Neither of us wanted to start the siphon to transfer fuel from his borthers car into the wagon so we opted to use the vacuum cleaner.......which worked well only we managed to suck petrol into the vacuum system and fill the garage with highly volatile fumes. We then attempted to start the car..........

 

[moorey]

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ound:You fuckwit!!

 

[Bodin]

ound:You fuckwit!!

If only they were real people who we could actually offend with our insults...

 

[rider124]

when selling my old bike, i took it apart and re lubed/cleaned etc etc.
but, i did it on the decking. Step one to fuckwittery.

after getting most of the way through the process i dropped a washer that sits in with the bearing, and watched it roll. It was one of those moments you just watch it roll on, until it hits a gap in the decking and falls through. was impossible to find, especially when the decking is only an inch or 2 off the ground there.
I guess thats what i get for taking my bike apart on the decking.

 

[harmonix1234]

when selling my old bike, i took it apart and re lubed/cleaned etc etc.
but, i did it on the decking. Step one to fuckwittery.

after getting most of the way through the process i dropped a washer that sits in with the bearing, and watched it roll. It was one of those moments you just watch it roll on, until it hits a gap in the decking and falls through. was impossible to find, especially when the decking is only an inch or 2 off the ground there.
I guess thats what i get for taking my bike apart on the decking.

It reminds me of when I lost my house keyes because I told the wife "I'll leave em in the fuse box for you". So on my way out the door I opened the fuse box and lobbed them in only to see them slide along the bottom of the fude box and then disappear in a gap in the bricks down into the abyss of house internal structure. I solved it by breaking into my house and getting my garmin magnet off my back wheel and putting it on a bit of fishing line and dropping it down into the darkness and 'CLINK'! I heard the magnet grab on and just wound them in.

 

[Knuckles]

So went for a quick blast this morning and realised my poor baby was FILTHY. gave her a nice warm bath, even soaked the chain and scrubbed it. . Big mistake.

Left the quick link in the tub with the chain and after long enough chucked the water into my big, overgrown backyard. . Forgetting the quick link was in there.

Oh well was a nice afternoon for a walk

This is why I have at least 10 of the fuckers in the toolbox. To many afternoons spent trawling the back yard with a sub speaker on a rope looking for quick links and....... Ahem, bleed screws. Maybe I should just clean the shed out and do my servicing in there.

Sent from my HTC Incredible S using Tapatalk 2

 

[Mad Hatter]

Bought a new set of tyres recently. Fitted both up as tubeless.
First one blew of the rim. Re fitted with tube.
Second one blew of the rim. Re-fitted with tube.
First one blew of again. Hmmm. There`s a pattern but trouble only happens in threes right?
Second one blows of the rim and inflated tube wraps around front hub while freewheeling down a hill at about 35kph.

I`m going to shut up now.
Cheers
MH

 

[moorey]

Btw, mine get there?

 

[charlieking97]

Surely not as bad as any of Moorey's stories, but its just my 2c.

Playing soccer, well fucking around on a soccer field, for school. Just a few mates and I joined up for the quick season. Third game in, getting to know some of the older boys, and also seeing the many people who try hard, but still end up in 4th's. One of those boys, Josh, tries, but doesn't do very well. I don't judge him, but he just isnt very good. Me and my mates rock up 3 minutes before the game, so we clearly dont get subbed on straight away. I, not thinking, quite loudly say 'Why isnt Josh subbed off?', instead of another kid. Someone says 'WHAT!!?' So i repeat myself " Why isnt Josh subbed off, he sucks' Then it hit me, I was talking to Josh himself. I just stood there for a good 10 seconds. Fuckwit. Moral of the story - check your surroundings and dont be arrogant.

Bike related fuckwittery.
- taking off rotors to clean out hub bearings. put rotor on table, where 10 minutes ago i was soaking driver bits in lanox/lanolin. Rotor becomes soaked with it on one side. left to sit for 5 minutes. Then replaced on bike then riden a few hours later. "Why the fark are my brakes not working" After knocking into a tree, it hit me. LANOX.
- Put grease on headset pinchbolt. Over torqued it and rooted the thread on the beautiful $160 worth of CNCed Sunline goodness. Yet to find a helicoil to suit
- Stripping the head of a rotor bolt. Has to be the worse feeling

 

[Elbo]

I guess thats what i get for taking my bike apart on the decking.

I've also learnt not to work on my bike on the decking the hard way, once you drop half a quicklink its pretty hard to find again.

 

[AngryDave]

Once you drop half a quicklink its pretty hard to find again.

Until you stand barefoot on one of those little fuckers.

 

[rider124]

Until you stand barefoot on one of those little fuckers.

worse than lego. i have heard of one of them actually cutting into a foot when someone stood barefoot on it

 

[Silverstreak]

I borrowed a mates troopy the other day while sorting out an issue with my Landy. (actually I borrow it when the Landy is fine too, but thats another story)
Was going to the You Yangs to ride with another mate, the troopy had 1/3 for a tank left in the subby, and I used all of that, and about 10 min drive on the main tank. Anyhoo, I tried to do the right thing. I only had $80 bucks available, but put it all in as fuel, which was only about 50lts, but more than I used, so I didn't feel like an utter chunt. Didn't mention it to him when I returned it, knowing he would tell me not to put any in.

Anyway, 2 days later he calls:

Him: Did you put fucking fuel in the troop?
Me: (thinking he was trying to thank me, and feeling all 'don't mention it old bean...least i could do') Yeah, but not much, sorr......(interuption)
Him: Why did you put fuel in?
Me: Well, i used it, and didn't want to....(interuption)
Him: Did you fill up the main tank also?
Me: Yeah, just topped off the..(Interuption)
Him: Where did you fill up? You left one filler cap loose and almost falling off.....the other HAS fallen off. I'm leaving to go camping in the morning. Drive into town and get me another one!
Me: Buts its ANZAC day afternoon, everywhere is clos... (interuption)
Him: I'm going to have to stuff a rag in the filler, fuckwit! good work! How did you manage that, fuckwit? Where did you fill up?
Me: Buninyo...(interuption)
Him: I assumed that and checked there. Its not there. Get me another one!

Anyway, I got him another one for when he returned from camping with his carny rag in the filler.... It was the right one, technically, but a more expensive non genuine one, which he cursed me for and went and bought his own genuine one for 1/3 of the price....

Im a parasite AND a fuckwit :behindsofa:

Laughed at this because Ive been there.

Mates and I were away for a waterski/fishing/drinking weekend:

Mate 1: I'm going into town for some food.
Mate 2: I'll come too.
Mate 3: take my Pajero. It's empty. Could you fill it up?
Mate 1: no probs.

Half hour later the phone rings and mate 3 answers.

Mate 3: hey, what's up?……… YOU FUCKING WHAT????……… WHAT DO YOU MEAN BLUE SMOKE????! Stay there. I'll be there in 10.

He hangs up.

Me: What's up?
Mate 3: Dickhead filled it up with 80 odd liters of unleaded!

Pajero was a diesel.

Mate 3: They then drove it up the road until it stopped and now it won't start!! FUCK!!!

Mate 3 then proceeds to gather us up and we jump into another car. When he hops in he has a 10 liter Jerry can.

Me: Just what the hell do you think you're gonna do with that??

At this point Mate 3 gives me one of those dangerous looks and I decide its better to be quiet for a while. And mate 1 had to cough up $1K for repairs.

 

[moorey]

Oh man...if I had a dollar for every time I've ALMOST put petrol in my wife's little diesel car....I'd have enough to pay for said repairs. A pajero on the other hand... Fuckwit :third:

btw, do you know what pajero means in Spanish?

 

[Chil]

Oh man...if I had a dollar for every time I've ALMOST put petrol in my wife's little diesel car....I'd have enough to pay for said repairs. A pajero on the other hand... Fuckwit :third:

btw, do you know what pajero means in Spanish?

Wanker! Not Moorey its what pajero means.

 

[Silverstreak]

The funny part is the servo was only a few kms up the road. So they filled it up, made it about 1 km up the road before it what itself, then spent the next 20-25 minutes trying to gather up the courage to call. ound: