Depression- need help?

fridgie

Likes Dirt
Noticed I've been getting angrier, fuse has vanished and explosive outburst becoming more frequent. Things in life are starting to slip, work not going well, home not too flash either. Just moved house so don't have a 'safe zone' set up yet where I can immerse myself in whatever - working on bikes, cars, electronics.... Feel completely out of place atm but have caught on this time.

Need to sit down and sort out a plan before it all crumbles, apathy has moved in....

Lets see what the next few days bring
 

pink poodle

Our man in Japan
Noticed I've been getting angrier, fuse has vanished and explosive outburst becoming more frequent. Things in life are starting to slip, work not going well, home not too flash either. Just moved house so don't have a 'safe zone' set up yet where I can immerse myself in whatever - working on bikes, cars, electronics.... Feel completely out of place atm but have caught on this time.

Need to sit down and sort out a plan before it all crumbles, apathy has moved in....

Lets see what the next few days bring
That must be a frustrating space to be in. I am guessing that a fair bit of your stuff is still jumbled all over the place, half in and half out of boxes etc?

At your last house, what did your "safe zone" look like?
 

fridgie

Likes Dirt
My last place was my safe zone, lived alone so any room I could do (and did) anything in. Had various projects all over the shop and generally 2 bikes in the lounge room so could tinker while TV is on etc.

New place, my girlfriend owns it. Rules for this that and the other, shit still packed in boxes or cars, still waiting on her to clear me some room in the wardrobe ffs, been there a week and living off a floordrobe.

Desperately want to get my pc set up as it's also my media hub and everything I own basically links through it. Haven't been allowed near it for a week as she needed to freelance for work. Apparently after ages of doing it from home with just a laptop she now 'needs' my 2 monitors as well which renders my desk, pc etc unavailable.

Just feel a bit lost, not sure where to be, what to do, and unable to do the things I really want to do.

Been a hard slog getting shit completed to this point and I think that has taken its toll. Mentally I'm just fried atm.

Cleared out some space in the garage last night, still need to do a bit more to make it workable, hope my parts come soon!!

'if' I can get in tonight and actually access my stuff and be left alone to sort it would be good. Won't happen, but it would be good....
 

ajay

^Once punched Jeff Kennett. Don't pick an e-fight
My last place was my safe zone, lived alone so any room I could do (and did) anything in. Had various projects all over the shop and generally 2 bikes in the lounge room so could tinker while TV is on etc.

New place, my girlfriend owns it. Rules for this that and the other, shit still packed in boxes or cars, still waiting on her to clear me some room in the wardrobe ffs, been there a week and living off a floordrobe.

Desperately want to get my pc set up as it's also my media hub and everything I own basically links through it. Haven't been allowed near it for a week as she needed to freelance for work. Apparently after ages of doing it from home with just a laptop she now 'needs' my 2 monitors as well which renders my desk, pc etc unavailable.

Just feel a bit lost, not sure where to be, what to do, and unable to do the things I really want to do.

Been a hard slog getting shit completed to this point and I think that has taken its toll. Mentally I'm just fried atm.

Cleared out some space in the garage last night, still need to do a bit more to make it workable, hope my parts come soon!!

'if' I can get in tonight and actually access my stuff and be left alone to sort it would be good. Won't happen, but it would be good....
Ahh mate that's a tough situation. Is your partner in touch with how you're feeling and how you'd usually deal with it?
 

fridgie

Likes Dirt
She knows I'm down, but talking usually goes round in circles then 5min later is completely forgotten about.

Once my computer is free, I'll be amazed if I'm allowed near it... She hates technology, always abuses me for being online and I cop the 'talk to me' bullshit the second I check an email or anything so I just know, after 3 nights of her working, there's no real chance of being left alone to sort out my systems.

Normally I can deal with it, but about to snap so hopefully the client doesn't need further changes and I can lock myself in there. Can't get a thing done when she's there with this stuff.

Need to set up ground rules I think now we live together. I need my space, she needs constant contact. Gonna be interesting....

Will talk to her tonight, let her know I need a few things and see where it goes.

Hardest part is I don't really know what I need, normally try and distract myself till crap passes but that means being selfish and blocking out the world for a day or 2 while waiting for that lightbulb to switch on. Can't exactly do that now we live together.

Not sleeping well either, kept up late, 'just wait for me' means another 5 beers before gotta take the dogs out to the toilet, before shower, before another beer...... I'm just frustrated.... Nice to be able to vent, I know mind is making it worse than it is but need to release. Hopefully can tee up a ride at Nerang on Saturday and go push myself to breaking point then stay at a mates place. Miss him, hardly seen him in the last month and is basically my only 'real world' friend, need that mateship, someone to bounce off, stuff around and do blokes shit and laugh.....
 

pink poodle

Our man in Japan
My last place was my safe zone, lived alone so any room I could do (and did) anything in. Had various projects all over the shop and generally 2 bikes in the lounge room so could tinker while TV is on etc.

New place, my girlfriend owns it. Rules for this that and the other, shit still packed in boxes or cars, still waiting on her to clear me some room in the wardrobe ffs, been there a week and living off a floordrobe.

Desperately want to get my pc set up as it's also my media hub and everything I own basically links through it. Haven't been allowed near it for a week as she needed to freelance for work. Apparently after ages of doing it from home with just a laptop she now 'needs' my 2 monitors as well which renders my desk, pc etc unavailable.

Just feel a bit lost, not sure where to be, what to do, and unable to do the things I really want to do.

Been a hard slog getting shit completed to this point and I think that has taken its toll. Mentally I'm just fried atm.

Cleared out some space in the garage last night, still need to do a bit more to make it workable, hope my parts come soon!!

'if' I can get in tonight and actually access my stuff and be left alone to sort it would be good. Won't happen, but it would be good....
Fuck. This is going to be tricky mate. There is a lot of factors at play here. If you guys were both moving into a fresh place, how do you think you would set up?
 

fridgie

Likes Dirt
Probably the same I guess, but I wouldn't be relying on her to clear her shit out (which she's had months to do) to give me some space in the rooms I've been given.

Was given back half of garage as long as she can still park the bug in there, but didn't move the fucking thing for me to get the stuff in. Finally moved it out so I claimed the whole shebang atm lol


Gave me a spare bedroom for an office, as long as I can get past the ironing board and shit and extra wardrobe and whatever else she has decided will be now in there too.

I guess I'd have liked the full area as offered, not the amended version, as have fuck all room in the office now. It's just so fucking hard to motivate her to do anything and her flatmate is a useless prick so it's all on me and I don't have the authority to make the decisions about what goes where. I'm not even allowed to choose my own fucking office chair as it doesn't 'fit in' with her half renovated house dreams.

Having her flatmate fuck off out of my fridge and food/drinks would be nice, just asking if he can have something would be nice, prick walked straight past me, grabbed a drink, walked out and shut the garage.... Didnt seem to matter it was my drinks or that I was moving shit into the garage at the time.....

It'll work out, just gotta find the happy medium and get someone motivated to actually get this shit finished so I can start to work out my place
 

fridgie

Likes Dirt
Living out of boxes for a month or so makes life more difficult than it needs to be, number 2 priority.

My computer, network, entertainment system, file sharing, backups etc is no 1 priority atm.

Hopefully get the bulk done this weekend and get some semblance of normality back.
 

moorey

Boom!
And on top off everything else, SRAM brakes....:sorry: (I joke because I care. Ps, shimano brakes for the win)
 

pink poodle

Our man in Japan
Probably the same I guess, but I wouldn't be relying on her to clear her shit out (which she's had months to do) to give me some space in the rooms I've been given.

Was given back half of garage as long as she can still park the bug in there, but didn't move the fucking thing for me to get the stuff in. Finally moved it out so I claimed the whole shebang atm lol


Gave me a spare bedroom for an office, as long as I can get past the ironing board and shit and extra wardrobe and whatever else she has decided will be now in there too.

I guess I'd have liked the full area as offered, not the amended version, as have fuck all room in the office now. It's just so fucking hard to motivate her to do anything and her flatmate is a useless prick so it's all on me and I don't have the authority to make the decisions about what goes where. I'm not even allowed to choose my own fucking office chair as it doesn't 'fit in' with her half renovated house dreams.

Having her flatmate fuck off out of my fridge and food/drinks would be nice, just asking if he can have something would be nice, prick walked straight past me, grabbed a drink, walked out and shut the garage.... Didnt seem to matter it was my drinks or that I was moving shit into the garage at the time.....

It'll work out, just gotta find the happy medium and get someone motivated to actually get this shit finished so I can start to work out my place

Living out of boxes for a month or so makes life more difficult than it needs to be, number 2 priority.

My computer, network, entertainment system, file sharing, backups etc is no 1 priority atm.

Hopefully get the bulk done this weekend and get some semblance of normality back.
It does seem like you are "alone" in the fight to find a space for fridgie...which is hard when (im guessing) you would like to feel welcomed into your new home? keep focussing on the near future when you will be settled. Plan it, design it, fine tune it, draw it on paper...it is amazing how easily our insides are put into chaos by our outsides. At least for now you can put a clear vision on the inside of what outside will soon be. Good luck.

And fuck that housemate off. He sounds like a beer thieving jerk.

And listen to Moorey:
And on top off everything else, SRAM brakes....:sorry: (I joke because I care. Ps, shimano brakes for the win)
Shimano brakes will give you pease of mind and less maintenance. They are just better. Unless you have hopes. Hopes are unreal.
 

Dozer

Heavy machinery.
Staff member
New place, my girlfriend owns it. Rules for this that and the other, shit still packed in boxes or cars, still waiting on her to clear me some room in the wardrobe ffs, been there a week and living off a floordrobe.
You've gotta have more say in your existence mate. It sounds like a tough gig but you need to get on top of your confidence and make some moves of your own. I don't mean to sound like a prick but to me, it sounds like your girlfriend needs to look outside of her precious space and take some time to care for the important people in her life.
Go for that ride on the weekend and ride until it's dark, that'll sort you! ;)
 

mas2

Likes Dirt
Hey Guys,

Need some help please.

What are good lead-in questions to open someone up to talking about depression and anxiety?
What are some good questions to ask them to help them self assess a bit?

I am thinking along the lines of: Do you enjoy much at the moment? Along with - when do you think you stopped enjoying things?

Cheers
MAS
 

Big JD

Wheel size expert
Hey Guys,

Need some help please.

What are good lead-in questions to open someone up to talking about depression and anxiety?
What are some good questions to ask them to help them self assess a bit?

I am thinking along the lines of: Do you enjoy much at the moment? Along with - when do you think you stopped enjoying things?

Cheers
MAS
Good question mate. Depends on the person and your relationship
Try beyond blue for some guidance mate. There is a great NZ website that very good
http://www.depression.org.nz/
 

ajay

^Once punched Jeff Kennett. Don't pick an e-fight
Hey Guys,

Need some help please.

What are good lead-in questions to open someone up to talking about depression and anxiety?
What are some good questions to ask them to help them self assess a bit?

I am thinking along the lines of: Do you enjoy much at the moment? Along with - when do you think you stopped enjoying things?

Cheers
MAS
Really depends on the person mate. Do they wear their heart on their sleeve, or are they a thick skinned? Some people would be quite receptive to up front questions, others shut down... I don't think beating around the bush helps anyone though. If it were me, the clichè of "Mate, is everything ok? You don't seem like your usual self..." is a good place to start. You might have to slowly crack them open, but opening the dialogue with a question that gives them the control, and makes it clear to them that you give a shit, I think is a good opener. You'll have to decide how much tact is necessary though.
 

Ben-e

Captain Critter!
Really depends on the person mate. Do they wear their heart on their sleeve, or are they a thick skinned? Some people would be quite receptive to up front questions, others shut down... I don't think beating around the bush helps anyone though. If it were me, the clichè of "Mate, is everything ok? You don't seem like your usual self..." is a good place to start. You might have to slowly crack them open, but opening the dialogue with a question that gives them the control, and makes it clear to them that you give a shit, I think is a good opener. You'll have to decide how much tact is necessary though.
Second this. Like myself, I think most Australian men tend to put-up a brave exterior, so it may not be constructive to attack the issue straight-up, they might become defensive. Personally, just initiating a conversation about shit in general can often facilitate more personal discussion. Good luck mate. Its great to see discussion about this issue :)
 

mas2

Likes Dirt
Thanks for the replies guys. I have been a bit depressed but mainly suffering with huge anxiety over the last year or so (where it feels like my chest is crushing) which I had never experienced before.

It's pretty obvious my mate isn't coping and he is trying to reach out but forever using work as an excuse. The way I want to approach this with him is to talk about myself, how I dealt with it wrongly, and the questions I need to keep asking myself to keep myself in check and hopefully lead him to some self assessment. I just wanted to be super prepared for talking about it with him.
 

link1896

Wheel size expert
After poor Anthony Bourdain's suicide, this did the rounds on Facebook.

I thought it was impossible to have a better life than Anthony Bourdain. But his final bittersweet gift just knocked me on my ass with the stark reminder that adventure, love, prosperity, prestige…anything we aspire to at all…is really just the currency we use to buy the four things that really matter: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins. Realizing that even that kiss that melts your heart… only melts it because those four fairy godmothers waved their magic wands and turned your brain into a freakin princess. But if our brain hits us with a really shitty exchange rate, if suddenly winning that Academy Award only buys us a day’s ration of serotonin, then how the hell are we supposed to stock up for our whole lives? That Anthony Bourdain can stand on the highest mountain and feel nothing but a desire to move toward oblivion is all I need to kick me in the ass and ask the most important question, how’s my exchange rate? What can I do to get more joy out of everyhting I’m presented with, big or small? How does anyone do that? I guess there begins one’s lifelong quest for God, psychedelic drugs, transcendental meditation, or whatever the hell else you need to do to bring true value to the external pleasures of the world. Anything that promises, not pleasure, but perspective. There's a good case to be made that those are the things worth seeking first, before even love and success. Because watching my little boy flood his brain with happiness because he found a cool stick on the lawn is all the evidence I need that “how you experience” is so much more important than “what you experience.”
 

flamin'trek

Likes Bikes and Dirt
This is a timely thread dig, and has been a good read. Thank you all for your input.

Had a tough week last week, but not as significant as some of the other posters here. Ended up using our Employee Assistance Program on Thursday as they had an onsite drop-ins after an incident I had been involved in earlier in the week. I had one false start where I went in for the drop-in but backed out at the last minute on Wed. It was good to chat with no strings attached. That led to a decision that Friday would be good to take the day off, so I did with approval from my manager. Taking the day off was a good detox, somewhat selfish but gave me some space to relax. Time in the shed alone is good for me.

Still thinking that booking some formal EAP is a good idea, but maybe I just need to get out and ride a bit more for now.
 
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