Radio
I've been doing a lot of local work lately, as such I'm spending a lot of time driving company vehicles to different workplaces. This has led to me being subjected to a whole plethora of radio stations (if by plethora you mean Triple M, Geelong's K-Rock and JJJ) and by christ are they playing a load of shite these days.
I won't give Triple M the time of day other than to say I f***ing hate the Red Hot Chilli Peppers who comprise 90% of their playlist. As for the rest of daytime radio's playlists, this is what's currently grinding my gears...
Of Monsters and Men:
Talk about having a misleading name. Theres nothing remotely monstrous nor manly about this sorry ramshackle fellowship of Icelandic folk-indie types. They're so unbelievably twee and flaccid that they make Mumford and Sons look like f***ing Rammstein! "I belong to you, you belong to me" Give me a f***ing break. It's about two steps away from f***ing Kumbaya! They all seem a bit happy-clapping cult like so here's hoping they'll break out the Kool-Aid soon! On a related note, what the hell is it with Icelandic bands? The island was fdiscovered and settled by the Vikings for crying out loud yet all they seem to produce is twee indie-pop like Of Monsters or ambient dinner-party background music like Sigur Ros or Mum. Hell, the only Icelandic act to ever show a bit of balls was Bjork and it's been decades since she last punched a journalist!
Bernard Fanning:
'Battleship Grey' may be the colour of your tears but 'hematic diarrhea' is the colour of your song! I've never heard a more insipid 'tune' in my life. The bastard thing is getting spammed across all 3 networks that I'm forced to listen to so there's no escape. Why the f*** is he still releasing music anyway? Don't they need contestants for Celebrity Splash?
Mumford and Sons:
Music for c**ts! They've got a new song out just now as well. At least I think it's new. It's hard to tell as it sounds like every other shitty banjo-abusing wankfest released by the smarmy arseholes.
Daft Punk:
'Get Lucky'? Get f***ed! Talk about high rotation. There is absolutely no escape from Daft Punk's bold new foray into the world of tedious middle-of-the-road disco-lite. To be fair the tune was catchy at first but then again, so is chlamydia and just like the clap I can't wait for the day that I'm rid of it. Still, I'm thankful I'm not back in the UK as 'Get Lucky' has 'DANCEFLOOR HIT OF THE SUMMER' written all over it so those poor sods will be stuck with hearing it constantly until October!
Some shite that sounds like James Blunt covering The Connells 1993 tune '74,75':
Who the hell in their right mind would purposely sound like James f***ing Blunt? That's akin to dressing up like Adolf Hitler and professing a love for child pornography! F*** knows who it's by (I'm presuming it's not Blunt himself as I'm pretty sure he can't be summoned back up from the demonic 7th level of hades unless the planets are aligned and a virgin gives birth to a goat) but it's all over Geelong's local radio almost as much as f***ing Fanning.
Flight Facilities:
F*** off, c**ts! Disco's place is in the 1970's along with hairy-bush porn flicks and kiddy-fiddling tv presenters.
Bliss and Eso:
Just no.
British India:
Whilst their new song isn't really that offensive per se, it does sound like it belongs on a car advert and I keep waiting to hear a 'Zoom, Zoom Zoom' or 'oh what a c***ing feeling' at the end of it.
The National:
F*** me, where's the xanax! I appear to be on my own in my disdain for this band as heaps of my mates love 'em, as a result I've given them all the number for BeyondBlue. Talk about depressing. They make Joy Division look like the f***ing Wiggles! The singer's voice is solow and melancholy it sounds like a bereaved musk ox grieving for it's dead mate. I'm pretty sure every single one of their fans is a morose thirty something pining for their long-lost youth where they sat around and got all angsty listening to Pearl Jam.
Now I know some of you might feel aggrieved by my selections and may be wondering why all the pop acts are escaping criticism but f*** it, pop is always going to be that little bit shit and that little bit annoying but to be fair most pop songs only hang around the airwaves for a couple of weeks. And besides, I can masturbate to Rihanna videos (actually, it's hard not to).