GravityGuru
Likes Bikes and Dirt
haha never gets old.Ask and ye shall receive
Jokes Thread.
- Thread starter mattvincent
- Start date
Gone_4_A_Ride
Banned
Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, how do you call a single roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
Last edited:
oooh burn!!:d
RYDA
Likes Bikes and Dirt
I don't think he gets it.....
Tristan23
Farkin guerilla
Jesus Christ! Did you think I was joking or something?
blakie49
Likes Dirt
Actully, i have heard this one befor, but this version was in Australia in queensland. And apparently its a true story.
tidlibitz
Likes Dirt
well this is the jokes thread
Gluey_trails
Likes Dirt
RCOH
Eats Squid
Diary of a pom:
August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Port Hedland,
Australia!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful
sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the
sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was beautiful.
I've finally found my home. I love it here.
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem.
Live in an air- conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What
a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun
worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of
palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get
used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though.
But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died
and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now
smells like Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No
more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant fuckin blow dryer!! And it's
hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC
repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to
order parts.
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
Bloody $300,000 house and we can't even go inside.
Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It
cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bloody
humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman.
I hate this stupid fuckin place.
November 8th:
If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going
to fuckin throttle him. Fuckin heat! By the time I get to work the
car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin fuckin wet,
and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the
black leather seats in the ol' car.
I thought my fuckin arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and
all the hair on the back of my legs and my fuckin arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a fuckin recording. Hot and
sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and
fuckin sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for
2 damn months and the weatherman says it might
really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in
this damn fuckin place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000
worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the fuckin pool. Even
the palms can't live in this fuckin heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-
conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said,
"Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my arse out of jail for assulting the stupid fucker. Fuck Port Hedland!
What kind of a sick demented fuckin idiot would want to live here
December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are fuckin kiddin
August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Port Hedland,
Australia!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful
sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the
sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was beautiful.
I've finally found my home. I love it here.
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem.
Live in an air- conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What
a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun
worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of
palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get
used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though.
But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died
and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now
smells like Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No
more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant fuckin blow dryer!! And it's
hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC
repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to
order parts.
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
Bloody $300,000 house and we can't even go inside.
Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It
cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bloody
humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman.
I hate this stupid fuckin place.
November 8th:
If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going
to fuckin throttle him. Fuckin heat! By the time I get to work the
car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin fuckin wet,
and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the
black leather seats in the ol' car.
I thought my fuckin arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and
all the hair on the back of my legs and my fuckin arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a fuckin recording. Hot and
sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and
fuckin sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for
2 damn months and the weatherman says it might
really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in
this damn fuckin place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000
worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the fuckin pool. Even
the palms can't live in this fuckin heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-
conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said,
"Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my arse out of jail for assulting the stupid fucker. Fuck Port Hedland!
What kind of a sick demented fuckin idiot would want to live here
December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are fuckin kiddin
